Elemental: A Feudal Soap Opera
by Xi Hou Jun
Summary: Kagome has to nurse a feverish hanyou on a night he is human. Will her choices on that one night change both of their lives forever?
1. Chapter One

_Author's note: You may have seen a version of this fic before. Don't worry, I was the author then, too. ;) This is one I wrote a couple of years ago, before personal events kept me from finishing it. However, I have decided to completely revise it, finish it, and post it again, as I really enjoyed working on it._

_Also, please note that this chapter has been heavily censored to meet policies and guidelines. If you would like to read the uncensored version, you may do so, if you are of legal age in your area, at the link found on my profile page. Thank you for your patience in this matter._

_Warnings: Language, adult situations, angst, some violence, and WAFF._

_Standard Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha._

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Kagome pushed the hair out of her face, disheveled from hours of trying to stop the fevered thrashing of the hanyou lying on the makeshift pallet before her. He had reverted to human form before his demon body could heal, and the resulting fever was swift and merciless. She wished, not for the first time that night, for some of Kaede's healing skill. She had never been so worried for him before, but she had never seen him so vulnerable, either. She had a terrible fear that he would not live until sunrise, in spite of her meager care.

He was still now, momentarily at least, his skin pale and frighteningly dry. She would have welcomed a cleansing sweat on him, as it would have meant the fever was breaking, but there wasn't a spot of moisture on him. She tried to swallow the tightness in her throat away, and dipped her cloth in the chipped basin she had found and filled with water soon after dragging Inuyasha's nearly unconscious form inside. Wringing out the cloth, she began bathing his face, neck, and chest again, carefully avoiding the bandaged wound in his side, trying to relieve the heat that was sapping his strength. He immediately began to thrash on the pallet, crying out. He had been like this since falling unconscious-fighting her, unable to rest. Delirious. She knew what was tormenting him, and it angered and saddened her. He was in turmoil because of that...that...

"Kikyo," he murmured, unknowingly completing her thought. His voice was nearly inaudible, but she heard him as clearly as if he had shouted. "Yes, Kikyo," Kagome thought. _Idiot. Time after time, she nearly gets us killed. Nearly gets you killed. Yet you chase after her still. Why?_

"It's not right," she said out loud, exhaustion making her voice rough. "She's going to succeed in killing you after all, and you're just going to let her." Kagome's vision blurred, and she blinked the unwanted moisture away. It would do her no good to cry, she told herself. It wouldn't change a thing. She resumed bathing him with the cold cloth, concentrating on her actions in a bid to distract herself from her melancholy thoughts, but it didn't work. In the end, the only thing that prevented her from weeping was her rising fear. _He's so pale._

Inuyasha's skin was devoid of all color, a fact that was nearly startling in contrast to the errant strand of black hair falling across his face. She reached out and smoothed it back from his cheek, unable to contain the sad smile that slipped across her features. He tried so hard to convince everyone that he was cold and detached, but Kagome knew better. Contrary to what the half demon wanted everyone to think, Inuyasha felt things. She chuckled lightly, still petting his face, remembering the way he had torn across the countryside when Shippou had been kidnapped by an evil toad youkai. Oh yes, Inuyasha was anything but cold. He had feelings like the rest of them, and she knew that he was desperately lonely, even though he'd rather die than admit it. It was all she could do, at times, to keep herself from cuddling him as she did Shippou, but she knew he would be angry if she tried. The few times she had hugged him, he had quickly pushed her away.

"Inuyasha," she whispered, leaning over him. She did not really expect a reply, so she was surprised when he opened his eyes. She held herself very still, staring at him.

He met her gaze, his eyes shining with fever-glow and the light of the small fire, and she was frozen. He lifted his hand to her hair, twining the dark strands around his fingers, then began to tug, gentle but insistent, until her face was barely an inch from his. She could feel the heat from his fever rolling off him in waves, and tried to pull back, but his hand in her hair would not let her move.

"Inuyasha," she began, but ended with a strangled squeak when he pulled her face down to his. He tightened his hold and covered her mouth with his own, and she was swiftly consumed in a heat that had little to do with his fever. She gasped lightly, and he slid his tongue past her parted lips, sweeping across the tender inner flesh of her mouth before sliding sinuously against her own tongue. She was momentarily shocked, but the surprise was washed away by the waves of sensation she was now feeling. Kagome had been kissed before-once-but that awkward, blushing peck Hojo had given her had been nothing like this. It was as if Inuyasha were trying to _know_ her, just by taste alone. Kagome soon stopped thinking and simply began to kiss him back, helpless, for the time being, to do anything else. She had dreamed of this, after all, so surely the gods would forgive her a small taste of what might have been, if not for..._Kikyo_.

The thought of the dead miko was like a glass of cold water tossed in her face. She jerked away from Inuyasha's grasp, ripping out several strands of her own hair in the process. Inuyasha flexed his hand convulsively in the air before letting it drop to his side. He blinked up at her once in confusion, and then his eyes drifted shut. His lips moved, and Kagome had to lean closer to him to try and catch his words.

"Don't...Kikyo..."

_Of course. I should have known. _She laughed shortly, the sound ugly, and laid her head down on her arms and cried, unable to control her hurt any longer. When she had no tears left, she carefully lay down a little ways from the sleeping boy and closed her eyes.

She was awakened a short time later by a crash and Inuyasha's colorful cursing. He had knocked over the water basin, but that didn't seem to be the source of his agitation. Kagome shook off the lingering bleariness of sleep and crawled over to him.

It was evident that he was having a nightmare. _About her, no doubt._ She watched him toss and turn for a moment. "Ahh, yes, there it is," she thought, as she caught Kikyo's name in his ramblings once again. "Idiot," she whispered, but her voice was gentle. She smoothed her palms over each side of his flushed face, trying so sooth him. She feared that his upset would worsen his fever. She wished, not for the first time, that her miko powers were more useful for healing. She hated to stand by and watch him suffer without doing something, even if he was currently suffering for another woman. It was bad enough that her own heart was breaking. She could not handle the added weight of his heartbreak as well. At least not now, with her emotions already so raw and close to the surface.

"Shh, Inuyasha," she crooned, leaning down to brush a light kiss across his forehead. "All is well." He sighed and pressed his face into her hand. She smiled and kissed him again, tenderness filling her for the sick and injured hanyou. He was calm now, and in hopes of keeping him that way, she lay down beside him, closer than before, but careful to keep the thin blanket between them. She let her head rest lightly on his shoulder, then relaxed when he did not stir. She fell asleep with her hand still cupping his cheek. She did not sleep long.

Inuyasha woke all through the night, tossing in his sleep and crying out incoherently. It tore at her. She wanted so badly to help him, and would have done anything during that long night, even given him the one thing that could break her, if it would have brought him peace. As his fever spiked, she knew, had it been in her power, that she would have even given him Kikyo...

* * *

Inuyasha blinked in surprise at the girl staring down at him. The light hurt his head, and things seemed hazy. He knew something wasn't right, but he couldn't sort it all out right now. He looked at the girl again. "Kikyo?" he asked, shaking his head even as he did so. That couldn't be right. Kikyo was dead, wasn't she? Was he dreaming?

The girl quirked a sad-looking smile at him. "I've been called that before."

Inuyasha tried to clear his mind, wishing the light would go away. The girl's words confused him. He focused his eyes on her, sighing in relief as the light, a candle, was extinguished, leaving just the glow from the fire. His lips formed the name again-_Kikyo_-before his confusion came crashing back. This girl did not look cold, or angry...or dead. "Kikyo," he whispered, a little louder, wonder filling him. This was the Kikyo he had almost forgotten, with the irrepressible spark of life in her eyes. She was here, she had returned to him, and...she was taking her clothes off. He smiled in response, his heart suddenly feeling lighter than it had in 50 years. _Fifty years? Maybe that was the dream. Could it be? Is Kikyo still alive? Was it all a nightmare?_ He frowned at the thought. It couldn't have been a nightmare. It couldn't be Kikyo. Even in life, her eyes had not held such a sparkle. His head throbbed, memory eluding him. He felt he should know this girl, though. It bothered him that he couldn't lay a name to her. He reached out and caught the girl's wrist. "Who are you," he rasped. "What is your name?" He felt a wave of dizziness, but struggled to hang on to her. "Who are you," he repeated, no longer remembering why the question was so important, but compelled to know the answer anyway.

Her hesitation lasted only a breath more, but it was excruciating to him. Finally, she seemed to reach a decision. She straightened her shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Yours," she said simply. "I'm yours."

Inuyasha exhaled sharply. It was all he needed to hear. He was on her in an instant. One word from her-gods, it seemed he had been waiting forever for that one word without even realizing it-one little word, and the blood began pounding through him, driving him to her. He no longer cared what her name was. It only mattered that the truth of her words rang through his soul. She was his.

_-censored-_

Nuzzling his face into her neck, he lightly bit her earlobe as exhaustion crept back through him. "Mine," he whispered once again, and then, voice fading away to nothing, "...Kagome."

* * *

The girl froze in shock and fear. "Kagome," she whispered, feeling shame fill her, "What have you done?" She quickly untangled herself from him and scrambled away, but he was oblivious. He had slipped back into unconsciousness. She hurried to clean herself, and him, belatedly cursing her impulsive actions and praying that he wouldn't remember.

to be continued-


	2. Chapter Two

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Chapter warnings: Adult situation, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

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**Two**

Kagome sat and stared out of the open doorway as the first rays of sunlight began to steal over the horizon. She had been unable to sleep after...after..._don't think about it, Kagome_...and had spent the rest of the night making sure that no evidence remained, taking care of Inuyasha, and mentally beating herself up. His fever had broken just a short time before, and she finally felt the terrible fear for his safety receding. He would be reverting hack to his normal hanyou self soon, which meant he'd be waking up, too. Kagome was glad for it, because she wanted him to heal, but she also dreaded it, right down to her core. She was afraid he would remember-remember, and hate her. She was terrified, and it didn't help matters that she had belatedly remembered something that she should have been thinking of from the very beginning. _Sex makes babies. I'm such an idiot._ What if she were pregnant? What if, instead of simply betraying Inuyasha's friendship by taking advantage of him when he was helpless, she also carried his child without his consent? Kagome thought she might be sick, so deep was her shame.

_I had no right to do that. No right at all._ She closed her eyes as the heat from the morning sun began to smooth the chillbumps from her skin. It warmed her, but did nothing to get rid of the cold knot of fear deep inside her. _How could I? What was I thinking? I let…I took…He had no choice! _The thought made her feel even worse. However, as ashamed as her actions made her feel, she felt even more shame that she could summon no actual regret. She knew she had been wrong, but also knew that she would do it again in a heartbeat. Inuyasha had seemed so happy, and she had been able to pretend, if only for a moment, that the possessive passion in Inuyasha's eyes had been for her. She was ashamed, but she could not find it in her to be sorry. It had been messy and hurt a little more than she had expected, but she had enjoyed the kissing part, and it had still been one of the most bittersweet moments of her life. In fact, she would hold the memory of it until she died-which might be sooner than expected, if he remembered. Even if he didn't kill her, she'd die of embarrassment.

She became so lost in thought from imagining that particularly mortifying scenario that she didn't hear the sound of movement behind her.

"Kagome," came an all-too-familiar, husky voice.

Her eyes flew open and she had to stifle an undignified shriek. "Inuyasha! You startled me," she said, peering up at him, a blush staining her cheeks. She began speaking quickly to cover her frayed nerves. "How do you feel? Better? You were pretty sick last night."

"Feh," he grumbled, shooting her a half-hearted glare. He didn't seem to be paying her much attention. Suddenly, his nose began to twitch, and he leapt nimbly over her to look out the doorway. Apparently seeing nothing to attract his notice, he rounded on her, leaning down and sniffing at her.

Kagome drew back in alarm. Surely he couldn't tell what they had done, could he? The thought made her blush spread from her ears to the tips of her toes. _Calm down, Kagome_. She had taken great pains to wash any evidence of their encounter from both of them after he had passed out. There was still blood on the pallet, but it was mingled with his, and she couldn't do anything about it. But still, she had been very careful. _Surely, even his doggie nose won't pick up anything._ "What are you doing, Inuyasha?" she asked, trying to sound suitably offended.

Inuyasha sat back on his heels, regarding her with hooded eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Kagome laughed nervously, and looked away from him. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be? I wasn't the one hurt." she stood and began tidying up the small shack, picking up the toweling by his pallet. Inuyasha's nose twitched again, but he said nothing. She turned and smiled brightly at him. "I'm just a bit tired is all. You were an impatient patient."

As she had expected, he snarled at her. "Well, who asked you to take care of me, anyway?" He glared at her for a moment, but then rubbed a clawed hand over his face. "Sorry," he said quietly, surprising her with the apology.

Her temper flared, but she tamped it down when he apologized. He looked tired. _He nearly died last night, and I'm provoking him. Nice job, Kagome._ She felt guilt wash over her and turned away, unable to meet his eyes.

"Kagome," he said from behind her, sounding unsure of himself.

"It's alright, Inuyasha. I didn't mind. I'm just glad you're okay. You had me worried." Her voice broke on the last sentence, so she shut up and began gathering up the rest of their things. Inuyasha, thankfully, was also silent. When she was finished, she took a deep breath and gave him her attention. "If you're feeling better, then we should eat and go back to the others. They are probably pretty worried by now." She didn't wait for a reply, but began preparing two cups of ramen. "After all, we did just go running off without notice." She regretted the words as soon as she said them. Kikyo was not a subject she wanted to discuss right now.

Obviously, Inuyasha didn't, either, for he said nothing. Kagome finished the ramen, then handed him a cup before sitting down with her own. Inuyasha ate silently, not even looking at her. She was beginning to feel desperate for him to say something, anything, to dispel the tension. _Does he remember or not?_

"Inuyasha?"

He turned to her, raising an eyebrow in question, but still not speaking. Her mouth felt dry as sandpaper. _Dos he know?_ He began to look impatient, and Kagome wondered if she was going to be sick. She took a deep breath and met his eyes, but couldn't make her vocal cords work. She had no idea what to say to him. _Does he remember? If he does, does he hate me? Is this what it's going to be like with us from now on? Me afraid to speak, and him not speaking?_ She could feel her eyes filling with tears, and quickly dropped her gaze, praying that he had not seen.

"Kagome?"

_He doesn't remember. Does he?_ The stress was just too much for her. She felt her composure slipping away.

"Wench! What's wrong with you?"

Self-loathing filled her as she suddenly realized that on some level she had wanted him to remember. She had wanted to think that he really had been claiming her last night. She had wanted to force him to choose. _But he doesn't remember, does he? He probably thinks he dreamed about Kikyo. That's how I wanted it. Wasn't it? No...I'm lying to myself. I am a fool._ Her tears disappeared as her self-loathing turned to anger, directed at herself, at Kikyo, and even Inuyasha. _I'm glad he doesn't remember. I'm glad he doesn't know what a fool I've been._ She imagined him telling her, again, how she couldn't compare to Kikyo.

The rest of her control shattered.

* * *

Inuyasha knew something was wrong. The smell of Kagome's fear had jerked him awake as soon as his demon senses had returned to him with the sunrise. His eyes had immediately sought her upon opening, finding her sitting in the doorway of a shack he didn't recognize, her back to him. She didn't seem to be in any danger, but he had swiftly gotten dressed, ignoring the now healing wound on his side, before moving to stand behind her. She didn't notice him.

"Kagome," he called quietly, not wanting to startle her. She jumped anyway, crying out and whirling to face him. Seeing her eyes reinforced what his sensitive nose was already telling him. Kagome was afraid.

She said something to him about his being sick the night before, but he only listened with half of his attention. He was too busy seeking the source of her fear. He moved around her to peer outside, but he could see no threat. He briefly wondered if she were still frightened from the battle the day before, but it just didn't make sense. The scent of her fear was strong and fresh. Besides, Kagome didn't scare that easily. If she'd had any leftover emotion from the battle, it would most likely be hurt and disappointment in Inuyasha for following Kikyo and getting them into the mess to begin with. He winced inwardly. _I didn't do it to hurt her feelings. I just had to see what Kikyo was up to. Trouble seems to follow the miko wherever she goes-and so does Naraku. I wish Kagome would understand._ He turned back to ask her what was the matter when he caught another scent just below her fear. Blood. Her blood. He leaned down to sniff at her, but it didn't seem to be coming from her person. _What the hell? She wasn't injured!_

She pulled back from him, looking even more alarmed than before. "What are you doing, Inuyasha?" She wouldn't meet his eyes, but her voice sounded angry.

He sat back and looked at her for a moment. It was clear to him that she was still afraid, just as it was becoming clear that she didn't want him to know she was afraid. _This can't be about Kikyo-can it? Why would it make her afraid? And where did the blood come from? What the fuck is going on here?_ "Are you alright?" he asked her finally.

Kagome laughed lightly and turned away from him. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be? I wasn't the one hurt," she replied before beginning to pick up their things. When she got to the pile of rags by his pallet, his nose twitched involuntarily. _There it is again-the smell of Kagome's blood. It's strongest where I slept._ This confused the hanyou even more. He felt like he should know something, but just couldn't put his finger on it. The feeling was making him uncomfortable, and being uncomfortable made Inuyasha cranky. He watched her intently, searching for signs of an injury, irritation growing.

Kagome turned back to him, giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm just a bit tired is all. You were an impatient patient."

_She's lying to me._ He felt a snarl leave his throat. "Well, who asked you to take care of me, anyway," he ground out, shooting her a glare. Her mouth tightened in anger, but she said nothing, and her face was pale. He felt shame almost instantly. He rubbed his face, trying to stave off the headache that was rapidly forming. "Sorry," he said, quietly.

She looked at him in silence for a moment, then turned away.

Inuyasha floundered. _Me and my big mouth. Now she won't even look at me._ "Kagome," he said, hoping she would talk to him.

She kept her back to him. "It's alright, Inuyasha. I didn't mind. I'm just glad you're okay. You had me worried." She sounded like she was about to cry. He sent up a desperate prayer to whoever was listening that she wouldn't. He became a complete idiot when she cried. He never knew what to do or say. Thankfully, she pulled herself together, finishing packing everything away. "If you're feeling better, then we should eat and go back to the others. They are probably pretty worried by now," she said, finally, beginning to prepare their breakfast without waiting for his answer. "After all, we did just go running off without notice."

_Damn it. I knew she was going to bring that up._ He stole a glance at her, but she wasn't looking at him. He remained silent, not wanting to get into an argument with her. She finished the ramen, and handed him a cup. He was happy to have something to occupy himself with. The silence between them was becoming uncomfortable.

He was nearly done eating when she finally spoke. "Inuyasha," she said, voice nearly too quiet to hear.

He turned to her and waited for her to continue, hoping that she was about to tell him what had her so scared. Hoping that she wasn't about to bring up Kikyo. She stared at him for a long moment, starting to speak several times but never quite getting the words out. Finally, she gave up, dropping her gaze, but not before he noticed the tears forming in her eyes. _What the hell is wrong, Kagome? Why won't you tell me?_ He felt hurt at the thought that she was keeping something from him. "Kagome," he called softly, trying to encourage her to talk to him.

She remained silent, the distress she was emanating nearly palpable. Inuyasha began to be afraid himself. _What could have her this upset?_ When he spoke, his voice was harsher than he had intended it to be. "Wench! What's wrong with you?"

He saw her hands slowly clench into fists, and then she finally looked at him. _Oh, shit._ The smell of fear had quickly shifted, becoming the unmistakable smell of anger. _Oh yeah, she's pissed._ Inuyasha knew what came next, if the venom behind the glare she was giving him was any indication. "Uh, Kagome," he said placatingly. Oh yes, he knew what was coming.

Kagome took a deep breath. "Inuyasha, sit!"

Inuyasha, meet floor. Again.

"Bitch...," he began, unable to control his irritation at being painfully slammed to the ground, but he cut himself off as a horrible thought struck him. Kagome's fear, the blood, the way she wouldn't look at him, her anger...was it for him? Had he hurt her while consumed with fever? He had a sudden flash of memory that fled too quickly to grasp, but it was enough to leave him cold. He was silent as she stormed out of the shack.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	3. Chapter Three

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Chapter warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

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The trek back to Kaede's was spent in awkward silence. Kagome had made it clear that she preferred to walk rather than ride on Iuyasha's back, and he was not looking forward the lengthy trip with her not speaking to him, but he wasn't willing to go ahead and leave her behind, either. Thankfully, it was shortened considerably when they found Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and Kilarra not far from where they had spent the night. Apparently, the rest of their group didn't appreciate being left behind without notice, and had set out to find them. Kagome had immediately latched on to Sango, dragging the older girl off into the forest while chattering about finding a bath, leaving Shippou, Miroku, and a pensive Inuyasha staring after them.

Inuyasha was growing more confused and apprehensive by the second. He knew that Kagome was keeping something from him, and he didn't like it one bit. He hated being kept in the dark, and he had a bad feeling about the entire situation. He hoped like hell Miroku or Shippou wouldn't ask him any questions about what had happened, because he didn't have any answers to give them-not that he would have told them anything even if he did have a clue as to what was going on.

Of course, his hopes were impossible. Before the girls had even left his range of hearing, Miroku asked, "What's wrong with Kagome?"

Inuyasha shot the monk a dark look, then stomped over to the remains of a campfire, sitting down on a log and watching the direction Kagome and Sango had taken. _I should have known the nosy bastard wouldn't keep silent._ He gave the monk another glare before attempting to ignore him and the kitsune completely. Not an easy task. He saw Shippou tugging on the sleeve of Miroku's robe from the corner of his eye.

"What's with him?" Shippou asked, pointing a finger in Inuyasha's direction.

The monk shrugged. "What's always with him?"

Understanding lit Shippou's face. "Ahh. He's done something stupid, and Kagome's mad."

_Why, that little..._ "Grrrrrr..." Restraining his urge to bop the kit on the head, Inuyasha got up and stalked into the forest; opposite the direction Sango and Kagome had taken.

* * *

Upon hearing the hanyou's aggravated growl, Shippou clutched Miroku's robe, squeezing his eyes shut and looking more like a frightened rabbit-demon than a fox demon. After a moment passed and no blow came, he worked up the courage to pop one eye open. Inuyasha was nowhere to be seen. He looked up to find Miroku looking down at him, one eyebrow lifted and a mocking expression on his face.

"Would you mind letting go of me now?"

"Why? You aren't thinking of asking me to bear your child, are you?"

The kit couldn't move fast enough to avoid being knocked flat by the monk's staff. "Someday, Shippou promised himself while he waited for the world to stop spinning, "I'll learn to keep my big mouth shut."

* * *

Inuyasha watched Kagome from across the campfire, growing crankier by the minute. He was no closer to knowing what was troubling her than he had been that morning, and it wasn't that he hadn't tried-he had risked a broken back to circle around the clearing and spy on her as she had soaked in the spring with Sango. His cheeks colored at the memory, and he shifted uncomfortably. _It wasn't like when that perverted monk follows them. I just thought maybe she'd tell Sango what was going on. Girls do that. They tell each other stuff. I wasn't trying to look at her naked._

_But I didn't try to not look at her naked, either._ He had a quick mental image of her rising from the water, and felt his blush burn deeper. Kagome had...matured...in the years he had known her, and, while he had always found her attractive clothed, seeing her nude was another matter entirely. He had nearly lost the ability to breath just at the sight of the rivulets of water sluicing across her bare skin-_fuck, fuck, fuck._ He shook himself slightly, cursing himself. _Stop thinking about her like that, you jackass.__She would sit you until your ears bled if she knew what you were thinking. _His face actually felt hot, and he knew that his blush must be more than obvious by now. He ducked his head so no one would notice, but kept his eyes trained on the girl plaguing his thoughts. She hadn't spoken to him since she had returned from her bath. It was driving him insane. _Of course it is. She drives you insane._

_Idiot. Shut up._ Inuyasha nearly growled when he realized he was actually arguing with himself. She really was driving him insane.

_Told you so._ This time he did growl. He had worried all day about what he might have done while ill, but, damn it, enough was enough. He hadn't been himself. Surely she couldn't be mad at him for something he couldn't control, at least not to the point of not speaking to him. She could at least talk to him about it, or yell at him. Anything but act like she thought he might turn on her at any moment. _Like she doesn't trust me anymore._ The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He shot Kagome a glare. She saw it and flinched away. It was the last straw.

"Don't be stupid," he growled. Surely she knew by now that he'd never hurt her intentionally. "Get up."

Miroku and Sango both looked at him in surprise, then at Kagome, confusion written clearly on their faces. Kagome sat, frozen, until another soft growl rumbled from Inuyasha's throat. Startled, she got to her feet, dislodging a sleepy Shippou in the process.

"Yes, Inuyasha?" Her expression was wary.

_Why is she acting like this?_ The whipped dog look she wore infuriated him. He could feel a muscle begin to twitch in his cheek, and clamped his jaws together to control it. He briefly thought about snatching her up and jumping into the trees so he could talk some sense into her, but he was afraid that she'd flinch away from him again. "We're going to talk," he said instead, "Now." Giving her a last hard look to make sure she would obey, he strode away from the campfire and into the woods.

* * *

Kagome shot an embarrassed and apologetic glance at her friends, then followed the hanyou.

Miroku turned to Sango, but she cut him off before he could speak. "She didn't tell me a thing, and if you move your hand one inch closer, I'll break it."

Miroku snatched his hand back and tried to look innocent. Sango snorted softly. _He looks about as innocent as a snake._ More amused than angry, she shooed him away from her, and looked after Kagome and Inuyasha, who had now disappeared from view. _What's going on with those two, anyway? Inuyasha seemed angry, but that isn't anything new. He almost always seems irritated about something or other. But Kagome...Kagome actually looked alarmed when he asked her to go with him, but that can't be right. We all know she'd follow him anywhere. _She frowned slightly, worried for her friend.

* * *

Inuyasha didn't stop until they were far enough away from the others to not be overheard. Finally, when Kagome was beginning to wonder if he would stop at all, he turned around to face her, a serious look on his face. _His cheek is twitching again._ She suppressed a hysterical giggle that made her wonder at her own sanity. He propped his back against a nearby tree trunk and closed his eyes. Kagome shifted from foot to foot, fighting the urge to run and praying he wasn't about to toss her out of his life forever. _He can't do that. No, no, no._ "No," she whispered aloud, ready to cry.

He must have heard her, for Inuyasha's eyes opened slowly, regarding her with something akin to pain reflected in them. She flinched again, and the hurt expression deepened. _Oh gods, I never wanted to hurt him. I'm sorry, Inuyasha. So sorry. Please don't hate me._ She felt herself begin to tremble.

Inuyasha unclenched his hands, and she saw him visibly try to relax before coming to stand in front of her, not touching her but close enough for her to feel the heat from his body. She shivered harder, and would have leaned into him if she hadn't caught herself. She wanted him to comfort her so badly, but knew that she had no right to even ask.

"Kagome," he said, his voice soft and halting in that way she usually adored, because it meant he was nervous. Now it just caused a dull pain somewhere in the region of her heart. "You know I would never hurt you on purpose."

A fresh wave of guilt hit her at his words. "I know," she whispered, inspecting the ground by her shoe. She had never realized how fascinating dirt could be until now. How nice it would be to hide in it at the moment.

"Kagome, look at me." Inuyasha's voice was still soft, but she knew a command when she heard one. She bristled a bit at his domineering tone, and felt the knot of dread begin to tighten in her belly, but she forced her eyes to meet his anyway. "If you know this, then why," Inuyasha said, enunciating every word with exasperated precision, "Are you being so stupid?"

Kagome gaped like a fish for a moment. Finally, finding her ability to speak, she yelled out, "What the hell are you talking about?"

There was complete silence. Not even a bird sang.

Kagome felt her eyes well up with tears again. _I've never cried so much in my life as I have since meeting Inuyasha. He's making me crazy._ She sniffled, and tried to compose herself. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm still tired." She snuck a glance at him, wondering if he was going to shout at her now.

Inuyasha still looked a bit shocked, but he didn't comment on her outburst. Instead, he shook himself, blinked a few times, and then began talking again as if it had not occurred. "Feh. Pay attention, Kagome." He waited until she was looking at him again. "If I did something last night...If I hurt you while I was out of it...then I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing, and you know it won't happen again, so you can stop being afraid of me now. It's annoying." He looked rather pleased with his speech. Kagome could only gawk at him.

"What?" he asked, after a few minutes had passed and she was still standing there looking surprised. He began to fidget.

_I can't believe this. He doesn't remember. He thinks he hurt me. He thinks...what exactly does he think?_ She frowned, then shoved the thought aside, realizing he was still waiting for a response. "Inuyasha, you didn't do anything to hurt me," she said. _I did that all by myself._

The look he gave her told her he didn't believe her. "I smelled your blood, Kagome."

_So that's why. I must have missed some when cleaning up._ She stalled for a minute, cursing Inuyasha's acute youkai senses. When few options came to mind, she said a quick, silent apology. She didn't like lying to him, but she could not tell him the truth, either. "I cut myself while making bandages for your wounds. It wasn't important. It just bled a little bit."

His eyes searched her face, and she forced herself to hold still. He leaned a bit closer to her, still looking at her intently. Her breath caught. _He knows I'm lying..._

"Show me."

She blinked at him. "Show you what?"

"Where you cut yourself." His tone was even.

Remembering the actual source of the blood, Kagome's face flamed red. "I...I don't want to."

His eyebrow twitched, but he still sounded patient when he spoke. "Why not?"

_Why not? Think, Kagome! _She decided to stick as close to the truth as possible. A little embarrassment was a much better alternative to total humiliation. "It's on my thigh. Under my skirt," she said, voice barely audible. _Okay, maybe a lot of embarrassment._

He began reaching for the hem of her skirt, and she slapped his hands away in panic. _Oh good grief, he did not just do that! _"No! It's fine!"

He straightened, looking at her for a long moment. "You've been either afraid of me or mad at me ever since I woke up this morning, Kagome. Don't you think I have the right to know why?" he asked.

_A nice youkai attack would be handy right about now._ She did some more quick thinking. "I wasn't afraid of you, Inuyasha. I was afraid for you. You could have died while you were human, and that's what made me angry. You are entirely too careless with yourself." She injected a scolding note into her voice, and tried to give him her best stern look, but she couldn't quite meet his gaze. _There. That sounds perfectly plausible. Now please drop it._

"What?" he snapped, as she had hoped he would. "I get hurt all the time saving your hide. You ungrateful little..."

..._I'm sorry, Inuyasha._

"...bitch!"

"Sit!"

* * *

Inuyasha lifted his face from the forest floor to watch Kagome run back to the campsite_. At least she didn't look me in the eye when she lied to me. Kagome, what the hell happened last night_? He lay there a long while after she had left, anger and worry warring within him.

_to be continued-_


	4. Chapter Four

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been **heavily** censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Rant: Why won't fanfiction let me use the double dash? Why?  
_

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Kagome snuggled deeper into her sleeping bag, trying to get some rest. They would have to wake up early in order to finish the journey back to Kaede's. Inuyasha had said he wanted to be there before noon, and he would be difficult to deal with if they didn't live up to his expectations. The gods knew she had enough difficulty dealing with him when she _did_ live up to his expectations. She sighed and shifted again, unable to get comfortable. Much of her tension had disappeared after talking to Inuyasha and realizing that he didn't remember anything, but, for some reason, she just couldn't relax enough to go to sleep. Her mind kept replaying scenes from the night of his fever: Inuyasha kissing her, Inuyasha touching her, Inuyasha above her with his hair falling around her like a midnight curtain... She groaned and flopped over onto her stomach.

She didn't know exactly how to describe it, but it had felt more like a claiming, an act of possession, than anything else. It had not been pleasant at first, but after...

After, it had been overwhelming…both wonderful and terrifying all at once. She had felt as if he was consuming her. From the moment Inuyasha had locked his mouth to hers, she had been lost. She shivered again at the memory, then frowned.

_Idiot. He wasn't claiming you. He was claiming Kikyo. He was making love to Kikyo. Always Kikyo._

Kagome felt a blast of jealousy so strong that it made her nauseous. Kikyo had first claim to everything: this era, Inuyasha's heart, even Kagome's soul. It just wasn't fair. _Why did I have to fall in love with a guy I could never have? Better yet, why does Inuyasha have to be so stuck on Kikyo? She betrayed him. I know she was tricked, but still...how could she do that? Why does he still love her?_

_Why can't he love me?_

Her mind was quick to supply the answer.

_Because you're not Kikyo. It's very simple. No use acting like the wronged party here...you knew before you touched him, and you did it anyway. You lied to yourself, and here you are. Selfish, selfish Kagome._

Kagome's guilt came rushing back with a vengeance, pushing her jealousy, and any thought of sleep, away.

"Stop it," she thought, with the vague concern that she was beginning to argue with herself entirely too much. _Is that a sign of insanity?_ She impatiently pushed the irrelevent thought away to return to her original worry. _Why can't I stop thinking about it? He doesn't remember. There's no real harm done. And as long has he doesn't remember, I don't have to worry about it, right? I can just pretend it never happened. I have to._

Satisfied that it was settled as well as it could be for the moment, she got comfortable once again and closed her eyes. She had nearly dozed off when the little voice in her head decided it had one last thing to say.

_The fact that he doesn't remember won't matter much if you're carrying his baby, now will it? It'll be pretty obvious then. Forgot about that, didn't you?_

Kagome's eyes slammed open. _If you're pregnant, you'll have to tell him. You'll have to explain to him. You'll have to see the look of disgust on his face..._

_You'll have to watch him turn his back and walk away from you forever, and you'll deserve it._

Kagome's breath caught painfully.

"Are you alright?"

She nearly jumped out of her skin. Gaining her composure with some difficulty, she turned to look into the tree above her where Inuyasha had perched for the night. He was peering down at her now with a disgruntled look. "I'm fine."

Inuyasha grunted. "Good. Go to sleep, then. I can't think with all of your tossing and turning."

Kagome made a small sound of aggravation and rolled over, determined to put Inuyasha out of her mind for the evening.

Determination, she soon discovered, didn't mean squat when it came to putting Inuyasha out of her mind. It was over an hour before she finally went to sleep.

* * *

_It's about damn time._ Inuyasha could finally detect the steady rise and fall of the lump under the sleeping bag that was Kagome. _I was starting to think that she'd never go to sleep._ He had a sick feeling that her restlessness was due to the night before, and it was eating at him that he didn't know what had happened. "Feh," he muttered, determined to put her out of his mind. He settled against the trunk of the tree, but it was no use. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her flinching away from him just like she had earlier. _This is pissing me off. If I just knew what I did, I could apologize, and we could stop this bullshit._

He began to put effort into trying to reconstruct everything that had happened after they had fought the youkai and he had been dragged, wounded and reverting to human form, from the battlefield. However, try as he might, he just couldn't remember anything after that. Grumbling a little, he gave up and decided to get some sleep. _I can figure it out in the morning._ Scooting around on the tree limb, he tried to get comfortable. Finally, he nodded off from sheer exhaustion.

_He was touching her. He felt her press against him, robbing him of thought and leaving nothing in its wake but the desire to claim her. He raised his eyes._

_She lay before him, firelight reflecting off the silky cloud of jet hair spread beneath her. She whimpered, calling his name, and he felt a tremor go through him in response, rocking through his body like a wave._

_"Mine," he heard himself growl._

_"Yes, yours," she said, twining her arms around him. She lifted her face to his, her eyes shining with love. It humbled him._

_"Kagome," he said, then froze._

"Kagome?"

Inuyasha was jerked completely awake when the ground smacked him in the head. He had fallen out of his tree.

As soon as his vision cleared, he looked to where Kagome lay sleeping, then sighed with relief. She hadn't stirred.

_What the hell is the matter with me? That dream...what the hell?_ He frowned in annoyance at the guilty blush heating his face. He sat there for a moment, breath heaving in and out of his lungs, until he could regain control of his body. _Kagome._ He firmly tried to push away his dream image of the girl, but it was difficult. Finally feeling that he had himself together, he went and crouched by her sleeping bag. He stretched one clawed hand out as if to uncover her face, then shook his head and bounded back into his tree, cursing quietly.

_What the hell am I thinking? Could I have...?_ He squeezed his eyes shut, a look of concentration crossing his face. _No. No! That's _not_ possible. I would know, if I had...if I had...to Kagome? No, I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that._

_I would know._

_

* * *

_

They didn't make it back to Kaede's hut before noon. Shippou rolled his eyes. _We'll be lucky if we make it by nightfall. _Inuyasha had not offered for Kagome to ride on his back, and Sango had sent Kilarra back the previous evening to let Kaede know they were all returning, so the walk took longer than expected.

_What's dog boy's problem, anyway?_ Shippou glared at the object of his thoughts. _Yesterday, he did something to piss Kagome off, and today he's even grouchier than usual. And he's not going near Kagome._ That last fact had Shippou more worried than anything. No matter Inuyasha's attitude, he usually could be found following Kagome around like a bad tempered puppy. Today, however, he was keeping his distance. Oh, it was obvious he was still keeping an eye on her, but the actual physical distance was notable.

To make the situation even stranger, while he was snapping at Sango, Miroku, and Shippou every time they crossed his path, he was being almost courteous to Kagome, when he did interact with her. _Maybe he's afraid to make her mad again?_

Kagome, on the other hand, was still acting as she had the day beforewhich meant she was ignoring Inuyasha. _She hasn't sat him even once today. _He rubbed his sore head, glaring at the hanyou again. _Not even when he was mean to me. I don't like this. What's going on?_

The kit's worries didn't ease any after finally returning to Kaede's hut. Kagome almost immediately left for the well, saying something about school and tests, and Inuyasha didn't even attempt to stop her. Instead, he just sat in the tree by the path and watched her leave. Something was very wrong, indeed. _I don't like this at all._

After two days had passed, he liked it even less. Kagome hadn't come back yet, and it didn't seem like Inuyasha was going to go and get her this time. He had been surlier than ever, and had knocked Miroku down when the monk had tried to find out what was going on. The entire group was concerned, but no one wanted to question the irritable hanyou about it. There was nothing to do but try to avoid his temper while they waited for Kagome to return. _If she returns. If she doesn't..._ Shippou hunched his shoulders in misery, then frowned darkly at Inuyasha when he wasn't looking. _Why won't he just go get her? We're supposed to be looking for shards, right? He never lets her stay gone this long without pitching a fit_. The little cub's frown deepened. _It has to be his fault. It always is._ Frustration getting the better of him, Shippou pushed to his feet, jabbing a finger in Inuyasha's direction. "What did you do to Kagome this time, you big jerk?"

* * *

Sango had just stepped into the hut just when Shippou fired his angry question at Inuyasha. _Oh no, Shippou, don't provoke him._ She gave a mental groan and, remembering Inuyasha's earlier loss of temper with Miroku, prepared to move in between the kit and the hanyou if need be. However, to her eternal surprise, Inuyasha did not attempt to retaliate against the kitsune. Instead, he stood stock still for a moment, face pale, before turning and pushing by her and out the door. Shippou made as if to follow him, but she caught him by the tail.

"No, Shippou. Leave him alone," she said firmly, setting him back down. Shippou plopped down in the corner to sulk, and she turned to stare after Inuyasha's departing form.

_What was that all about?_

_

* * *

_

Inuyasha had decided to spend the night in the familiar branches of the Goshinbuko tree. He needed to think, and he couldn't stand being around the others right now. They kept looking at him accusingly, and he had no idea what he had done wrong, or even _if_ he had done anything wrong in the first place. Shippou's accusations were the final straw. He was miserable. _Of course you are. Kagome's gone._ He blinked his eyes open. "That's not why," he said aloud. "Every time she leaves, they blame me."

_Because it's usually your fault._

"It is not!"

_Is too. You're stubborn. You push her away._

"Keh." He closed his eyes, attempting to ignore his thoughts.

_Go get her._

He sighed. "No."

_Go get her._

"I can't."

_You can. Just jump in the well, go to her window, and tell her to get her stuff and come with you._

"I can't," he whispered. "What if I...I really..."

_You didn't._

"That's just it! I don't know _what_ I did or didn't do!" He passed a hand over his face, feeling tired to his bones.

_Damn it, you didn't!_

"Fuck! I did something to upset her…that much is obvious. She can't even stand to be around me now."

_Whatever it was, you weren't yourself. She'll forgive you. You know she doesn't hold grudges like that. Stop being a coward and go get her._

"I'm not a stinking coward, and I'm not going after her. There's no need right now. If we hear of any shards, I'll go get her, but until then, drop it."

_The hell with the shards. Go get her. You know you want to. You miss her._

"Do not."

_Yeah, right. That's why you're camping out in a tree by the well. Because you _don't_ miss Kagome._

"Shut up!" he yelled.

There was no reply. Realizing that he had just shouted at himself, Inuyasha dropped his face in his hands and groaned. _She really is making me crazy. Sheesh._ Giving the well one last look, Inuyasha finally settled back to sleep.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	5. Chapter Five

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been **heavily** censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Three days away from the Feudal Era were all Kagome had needed to work herself into a full-fledged panic. Her periods had never been regular, and she couldn't remember when her last one had occurred, no matter how hard she tried. She had thought of buying a home pregnancy test, but none of the ones at the local pharmacy were accurate this early on, and she was horrified at the thought of someone she knew seeing her purchasing it. Logically, she knew it was really too soon to worry about anyway, but logic seemed to play little part in her anxiety.

Thankfully, her mother, grandfather, and brother had left for a three-day trip to attend an out-of-town family funeral the day she returned. Not that she was thankful that one of her cousins had passed on, but he was a distant cousin she had never met, and she really didn't think she could act normally in front of her mother right now. _Mama would know something was wrong sooner or later...or I'd end up breaking down and blurting it out to her. I can just see it. "Mama, could we discuss how babies are made one more time? I want to make sure I have it right, then I'll leave your supervision to go 500 years into the past to spend time with a strange, half-demon boy you don't really know. By the way, would you mind buying me a pregnancy test before I go?"_ She snorted. Her mother might be rather liberal, but Kagome didn't think that would go over too well. _If Mama knew, she might even hate me. I _know_ she would be terribly disappointed. _She gave in to tears at that point, but they didn't last long. She had cried so much in the last three days, she wondered how she had any tears left at all_. It's a miracle I haven't caused a water shortage_. She gave a short, harsh laugh and scrubbed at her face with her hands. _Gods, I'm being so stupid. I might be sitting here working myself up for nothing._

Giving up the pretense of watching t.v., Kagome pushed herself up from the sofa to head to the kitchen to fix herself some lunch. Her footsteps seemed unnaturally loud in the empty house. She wasn't used to so much solitude, and wondered wistfully what the others were doing. _Shippou is probably driving Inuyasha crazy by now._ She closed her eyes briefly at the thought of Inuyasha. She had half expected him to come for her, as he usually did, and the fact that he hadn't just served to increase her stress. _Did he finally remember? Is he hoping I'll stay on this side of the well?_ Heaving a sigh, she opened her eyes and turned towards the kitchen again, only to run into something solid and immobile.

Kagome screamed.

The thing she ran into jumped back, covering its ears and wincing.

Kagome stopped screaming. _Inuyasha!_ He uncovered his ears and looked at her uncertainly. Her heart gave a little leap that had nothing to do with the fright he had just given her, although she was still having trouble getting her breath back. "Inuyasha," she finally managed to choke out after managing to accumulate enough oxygen in her lungs to speak, "you scared me!" _How long has he been here?_

"Keh." He folded his arms and fixed his eyes to a point on the wall behind her, but Kagome decided that at least he _looked_ sorry, so she took pity on him.

"It's alright, I just didn't see you there," she said. "I was about to fix lunch. Want some ramen?"

Inuyasha's posture had relaxed a bit as she talked, and now he followed her automatically to the kitchen. She had to suppress a nervous smile. _Offer him ramen, and he'll follow me anywhere. Sometimes he really _does_ remind me of a puppy. _She began fixing them both sandwiches, as well as a cup of instant ramen for Inuyasha, all the while aware of the silent boy sitting at her kitchen table. She was getting his plate from the cabinet when he finally spoke.

"Why were you crying?"

The plate slipped from her fingers, shattering into dozens of tiny pieces on her mother's floor. _Well, I guess that answers my question about how long he was standing there. _To her surprise, Inuyasha got up from the table and picked up the broken earthenware, depositing it in the trash can, before sitting back down and repeating his question.

"You were crying when I came in. Why?"

"I...I...," Kagome cast around desperately for an excuse, before guiltily remembering the cousin she had nearly forgotten. "My cousin died. Mama, Souta, and Grandpa are at the funeral right now."

He looked at her speculatively. "Why aren't you with them?"

Kagome glanced away. "He died while I was gone," she said. It wasn't really a lie. Her cousin _had_ died while she was gone, but she had still gotten home in time for the funeral. She just hadn't felt like going. _Not that I'd tell him that, though. He might actually want to know _why_ I didn't feel like going._

Inuyasha dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Not knowing what else to say, Kagome finished their lunches, handing Inuyasha his food and sitting down at the table across from him. They ate quietly for a few minutes before Inuyasha again broke the silence.

"You need to get your stuff after we eat. There are reports of shards near the village."

Kagome stiffened at that. _The shards. Of course. He only came for me because of the jewel._ Burying her hurt, she simply replied, "Okay." Kagome finished eating in silence, then gathered her supplies. She began towards the well, not waiting for him to follow.

* * *

_Three freaking days. The wench has been gone for three freaking days. Screw this. I'm going to get her._

Inuyasha swung down from the tree he had been sulking in since Kagome had left. He had left it only to eat and bathe. Now he began pacing the small clearing.

_...and not because I want to see her, either. The Shikon shards aren't going to find themselves. She has a responsibility here, damn it. _

Patience gone, Inuyasha had nearly talked himself into entering the well to retrieve Kagome when Miroku conveniently arrived to let him know of a shikon shard rumored to be nearby. Inuyasha had been so grateful for the excuse he had ignored the monk when he commented that Inuyasha should apologize to Kagome if he had offended her, and had only glared when he had suggested a rather...interesting way to apologize. _Not that he doesn't deserve to be knocked down again. Who would apologize like that? I swear, something's wrong with his freaking brain. Nosy, perverted bastard._

_Although...would that even work?_ Inuyasha's eyes nearly crossed at the images his mind was supplying, causing him to glare even harder at the monk who had caused them. _No! Gah! Stupid fucking monk. Stupid fucking girl. Stupid fucking imagination. _He chased the unwanted thoughts away with a snarl, then chased a laughing Miroku away in the same fashion.

After finally getting rid of the troublesome monk, he wasted little time in jumping down the well and entering the Hagurashi home. He sniffed the air carefullyKagome was there, but it didn't seem as if anyone else was. He was relieved to discover this. He liked the Higurashi family well enough, but they could be a little overwhelming. _Especially the old man. Always slapping those useless scrolls on me. He'd get eaten within a week pulling crap like that where I come from. Wonder what he would think if he ever saw Miroku in action?_ Smirking at the thought of the old man's shock, he focused on Kagome's scent again, following it to the living room.

He saw her before she saw him. She was sitting on the sofa, crying softly into her hands. Inuyasha had to fight the urge to leave the way he had come. He did _not_ do well with a crying Kagome. Even now, he was beginning to feel a vague sense of panic. _Oh damn. _Please_ stop crying, Kagome. I don't know how to deal with this. _Shuffling his feet, he made as if to go to her, then stopped himself, not knowing what to do when he got there, or if he'd even be welcome. She stopped crying almost immediately after, for which he was exceedingly thankful, and gave a strange little laugh. The hanyou didn't know what to think of that, and he wasn't given much time to consider it, because she was standing up and moving toward him, still apparently lost in thought. She didn't see him standing there, and ended up running right into his chest.

She screamed. Loudly.

He jumped away from her, covering his sensitive ears. _Shit, woman! Deafen me, why don't you_?

She stopped screaming. _Thank the gods._ He shook his head a bit to stop the ringing in his ears, then looked at her uncertainly. _I hope she's not going to be mad that I'm here. I don't feel like being sat right now. Although I'd rather she yell at me than start crying again._

Kagome seemed to be having trouble catching her breath. She was looking at him with a mixture of surprise, embarrassment, and gladness, though, so he let himself relax a little. "Inuyasha, you scared me!"

"Keh." _That much is obvious. Still, I guess I should have told her I was here sooner._ He stared at the wall, feeling vaguely guilty again, and not liking it.

"It's alright. I just didn't see you there," she continued, teeth worrying her lower lip. "I was about to fix lunch. Want some ramen?"

Inuyasha's ears perked up. _Does the sun rise in the morning?_ He followed her to the kitchen and sat down at the small table, waiting for her to finish preparing the food. She didn't speak, so neither did he. Instead, he used the time to observe the girl unnoticed. Her body language spoke of tension, and it was obvious that whatever had been bothering her before she left was still on her mind. _This is telling me nothing. I'm never going to guess what happened, and it doesn't look like Kagome' s going to come right out and tell me what happened, either. I'm going to have to talk to her._ He grimaced at the thought. Whenever he tried to talk to Kagome, he usually muddled it, and wound up making her angry. Still, he had to do something.

"Why were you crying?"

The question surprised even him, although he quickly covered it up. Kagome didn't do so well at hiding her surprise. The plate she had been holding slipped through her fingers to crash to the floor. _Idiot! Why did I have to blurt it out like that?_ Blushing lightly, he got up and gently pushed Kagome away from the broken pieces littering the floor. He picked them up, careful to leave no tiny shards that might cut her bare feet, and threw them in the trash receptacle before sitting back down to finish their discussion. _It's already been said. Might as well see what she has to say about it._

He eyed her to make sure she wasn't going to drop anything again, then repeated his question. "You were crying when I came in. Why?"

"I...I...," she began, hesitating for a long moment and refusing to meet his eyes. Finally, a relieved look crossed her face, and she continued, "My cousin died. Mama, Souta, and Grandpa are at the funeral right now."

_She's lying again. _He gave her a measuring look. _That's not why she was crying. Besides, if her cousin died, why isn't she at the funeral with the rest of her family?_ He decided to ask her. "Why aren't you with them?"

She looked away, pain briefly crossing her features. "He died while I was gone," she said softly.

_Okay, maybe her cousin did die. Is that really why she's upset? _Inuyasha winced, feeling guilty for keeping her away from her family, but still not convinced that she was telling him everything. _Still..._ He stared at the table. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she said, then continued preparing their meal. Inuyasha left her alone, no longer feeling like pursuing his line of questioning. She gave him a sandwich and a cup of ramen, sitting down across from him. They both began eating, neither talking. The silence grew increasingly uncomfortable. _It's never been this hard to talk to her. I hate this._

Unable to stand it any longer, Inuyasha searched for something to say. Remembering the reason Miroku had found him in the first place, he seized upon it. It would break the silence, and get Kagome back to his time, as well. "You need to get your stuff after we eat. There are reports of shards near the village."

He waited for her to speak, but he was disappointed when she only replied, "Okay." She didn't even look at him. Appetite gone, he pushed his plate away, watching as she finished eating, then wandered into the living room to wait while she gathered her things. He was completely taken aback when he heard the front door close. He stared at the door for a moment in disbelief. _Did she just leave without me?_ In a few long strides he was at the door, only to see her nearly at the well house already. _Damn it, Kagome..._

He hurried to catch up with the girl, cursing under his breath. She had acted almost normal with him for a moment, but after a few minutes of his oh-so-wonderful conversational skills, she was back to avoiding him. Seeing that she had reached the well, he called for her to wait. She ignored him, and jumped in. Cursing again, he went after her. _This has gone on long enough. I'm going to straighten this out right now._

Leaping out of the other side of the well, he saw Kagome disappearing into the trees. He sighed in irritation.

_Okay, I'll straighten this out as soon as I catch up with her._ _Damn, she moves fast when she wants to._ Using his youkai speed, he ran to position himself in front of her, cutting off her path.

"Oi, wench. What's with running off and leaving me?" He groaned inwardly at his choice of words, but it was too late to start over.

Surprisingly, she didn't get angry. Instead she just looked..._sad. She looks sad._ "You said we needed to get shards. I'm going to get shards." Her voice sounded strained, and Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably. Her swings in mood were throwing him off balance. He didn't know what else to say, so he let it drop for the moment. _This is stupid. After we get the shards, we're sitting down and settling this._

He looked up to see Kagome was already several meters away from him again. He rolled his eyes, and bounded after her.

_Even if I have to tie her to a tree to get her to stay still._

_

* * *

_

_-to be continued-_


	6. Chapter Six

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

The six companions left Kaede's nearly as soon as Kagome and Inuyasha arrived, all anxious to get it over with. It was quickly approaching the rainy season, and travel would be much easier now, before the forest became drenched. All of them were hoping for continued dry weather, at least until they could retrieve the next batch of shards and regroup.

Kagome started the shard hunt in a quiet depression. Twenty-four hours later, and she was back to panicking. They had been trailing the youkai carrying the jewel shard for at least eighteen of those hours, nearly non-stop, and exhaustion combined with mental strain were getting the best of the girl.

Inuyasha was apparently feeling it, too, for he was even more anti-social than usual, and she had caught him staring at her several times, an unreadable look on his face. Kagome didn't know what to do. She was terrified that she had destroyed their friendship, and, possibly, even their futures. She couldn't talk it over with him, because if he still didn't remember, then he'd certainly want to know what she was babbling about. On the other hand, if he had remembered, she had no idea what she would say to him. She just couldn't see a way out of this situation with either her heart or her pride intact, and to say she was experiencing a lot of stress was an understatement.

In fact, the tension seemed to be getting to everyone. The usual banter they enjoyed on journeys was subdued and seldom, and they had separated as soon as camp was madeShippou going to nap in Kagome's sleeping bag, Sango going to hunt for their dinner, and Miroku wandering off to who-knows-where, leaving only Kagome and Inuyasha awake in the small clearing. Kagome studiously avoided meeting his eyes, busying herself with setting up around the camp.

She heard Inuyasha walking up behind her, but didn't turn around, pretending interest in the contents of her pack.

He stood there for a moment, then finally spoke. "I'm going to scout around for stray youkai, and to see if I can find out anything useful about the one we're hunting. You stay here. Miroku and Sango are close by."

She didn't fall apart until she was sure he was gone.

* * *

Sango returned from her hunt feeling rather pleased with herself. In very little time, she had managed to snare a brace of fowl that would make a decent meal for their little group. They swung from her hand as she approached the clearing where they had decided to set up camp for the evening. She smiled, thinking of Miroku's face when he saw them. _Thinks he can out-hunt me, does he? He can only catch dinner when it happens to be in the home of a rich merchant who requires an exorcist._ She chuckled lightly, but her smile disappeared completely when she entered camp. 

Kagome was sitting on the ground, arms wrapped around her raised knees, sobbing her heart out. Her face was buried in her arms and she was very quiet, as if she didn't want anyone to hear her, but her shoulders were shaking almost violently. "Kagome!" Sango scanned the clearing, but she couldn't see any threat. _Where is Inuyasha? He was supposed to be protecting her! _

Sango dropped the game she had caught, and rushed over to her friend's side. "Kagome, what on earth is the matter? Are you hurt? Were you attacked?"

Kagome raised tear filled eyes to look at her, hopelessness and despair evident on her face. She launched herself into her friend's arms and cried harder.

Sango began to be truly afraid. She patted Kagome's back as she cried, hoping to calm her enough to find out what had happened. "Shh, Kagome. It's okay. There's nothing here now." Unfortunately, her words only seemed to make the girl cry more. "Talk to me, Kagome. Are you hurt?" Kagome shook her head, and Sango gave a sigh of relief. "Were you attacked?" Again, she shook her head no. Sango was momentarily stumped, and then the proverbial light bulb went off in her head. _Inuyasha. What has the hanyou done now?_ Sango knew of nothing else that would upset the girl this badly, and it was clear to everyone in the little group that something had been amiss between the two of them for the last few days. _But still...I've never seen him upset her this badly. _Shoving her curiosity aside for the time being, she continued to try and soothe the girl until her crying spell had abated.

When it looked like the storm had passed and Kagome was quietly sniffling into her shoulder, Sango spoke again. "Why don't you tell me about it, Kagome? It can't be that bad, and whatever it is, together we can fix it. Okay?" She hated to see the girl that she had begun to think of as her little sister in such distress. If she could help her, she would.

Kagome stared at her hands for a moment, not answering. Finally, though, she seemed to come to a decision. "I would like to talk to you. I need to talk to somebody about it, and you are the only...only person I think I can talk to." Her voice was unnaturally timid, and that worried Sango almost as much as her next words. "I may have made a very large mistake, you see."

_What mistake could you have possible made to upset you this badly, Kagome?_ Sango bit her lower lip, mind racing, before standing up and pasting a reassuring smile on her face. "Come on," she said, grabbing Kagome's hand.

Kagome looked confused, but she followed her automatically. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to find a place to take a bathand talkwhere that pervert and the hanyou won't be spying on us." She threw a smile over her shoulder at Kagome.

Kagome smiled tentatively back.

* * *

Shippou popped his head out of the top of Kagome's sleeping bag. He had awakened when she had begun whimpering all over Sango, but he had stayed where he was. The thought of Kagome being so upset frightened him. He had never seen her this way before, and her words confused and alarmed him. After Sango and Kagome had left the clearing, he crawled slowly out of the sleeping bag to sit on top of it, his chubby elbows propped on his knees and a worried frown on his face.

* * *

Sango didn't immediately pressure Kagome for an explanation once they got to the hot springs, for which Kagome was grateful. She had made up her mind to confide in the other girl, but she needed the time to decide how to go about it. She didn't think Sango would judge her, but she had never even talked to her friends in her own time about sex, at least not seriously. Sure, they would mention it sometimes, but not without lots of blushing and giggling. _Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever really had a _serious _conversation about sex with anyone, not even Mama._

Kagome soaked and thought, then soaked and thought some more, appreciating Sango's patience with her. She was terribly embarrassed about crying all over her friend, and didn't want to repeat her performance. Finally, when her skin was beginning to wrinkle like a prune, she decided to stop wasting time, and just get it over with. "Sango," she began, trying to inject a note of nonchalance into her tone and failing miserably. "Do you know anything about sex?"

Sango, who had been about to dunk her head under water, forgot to hold her breath. She came up spluttering and coughing. When she had finally gotten her breath back, she gave Kagome an incredulous look. Kagome blushed, and Sango's look turned considering. "I suppose. I have no...practical knowledge, but I do understand how it works, I guess." Her eyes searched Kagome's face. "Why do you ask?"

Kagome chose her next words carefully. "There are a few things that I don't...I don't understand, and I was hoping that maybe _you_ would, and could tell me."

Sango blushed a little, but gave her a reassuring smile. "I will answer any question you have, if I can."

Kagome cleared her throat and silently stared at the reflected light on the water, biting her lower lip. _I can't really think of any way to put this that won't be obvious. Maybe this was a bad idea._

"Kagome?" Sango prompted.

Kagome stole a glance at her friend. Concern was written all over the other girl's face. _This is Sango. I trust her._ Kagome steeled her resolve.

"I was just wondering," she said, voice hushed, "If you will get pregnant the first time you have sex."

Sango frowned slightly, and she gave Kagome an odd look. "A girl can get pregnant the first time she has sex, yes."

Kagome had thought so, but she felt the blood drain from her face, anyway. She had, after all, been hoping she was wrong. Sango put a hand on her shoulder to steady her when she swayed. "That doesn't necessarily mean that she will, though," she said, voice worried. "Why do you ask? Have you..." She hesitated, blushing again, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "What's wrong, Kagome?"

Kagome was torn. She didn't think she could deal with all of this alone anymore, but she was scared to tell Sango. Not because it was Sango, but because once she said it out loud to someone, it would start to feel real. _That's stupid. Just say it. It's like taking off a band-aid. No use in dragging it out, it only makes it hurt more._ Kagome took a deep breath. "Sango, I..." Her voice trailed off.

_Okay, so I was never good at taking off band-aids, either._ She gathered her courage and tried again, turning slightly away from her friend so she wouldn't have to see her face when she figured it out. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. "Um...Sango," she said, "Would it work the same if a human girl had sex with a...a hanyou?"

* * *

Shippou sat in the empty camp, feeling a little abandoned and a lot worried. Kagome and Sango had been gone for a long time. _Should I check on them?_ He looked around uneasily. Still, he didn't move. _Where's Inuyasha, anyway? And Miroku? Shouldn't they be guarding the camp?_ He resisted the urge to hide in Kagome's sleeping bag, the sounds of approaching night making him nervous. _It's getting dark. Sango and Kagome shouldn't be alone._ Something rustled in the bushes nearby, and Shippou nearly fell over in fright. _Maybe I'll go guard them._ He heard another noise, and he was gone, as fast as his little legs could carry him, to the hot springs he could smell nearby.

* * *

"Would it work the same if a human girl had sex with a...a hanyou?" 

Kagome's question rang in Sango's head. For a moment, all she could do is stare at Kagome in wide-eyed shock, mind whirling. Finally, everything seemed to click. Sango took in Kagome's worried face, her eyes still swollen from crying, and she saw red. _That son of a bitch. _She stood abruptly and began to wade toward the bank, eyes locked on Hiraikotsu. "I'm going to kill Inuyasha."

She heard splashing behind her, but didn't stop until Kagome grabbed her by the arm. "No!" Kagome sounded alarmed. "No, Sango. It's not like that." That gave Sango pause, but the rage she was feeling was slow to recede. She looked at the other girl from the corner of her eye. Kagome was blushing madly, and Sango realized how hard this discussion was for her. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, but didn't turn around, Kagome's hand still on her arm. "Then why don't you tell me what it _is_ like, Kagome," she said evenly. _And then I might still kill Inuyasha. _

Kagome's voice was so low when she answered that Sango had to strain to hear her. "He doesn't know."

"What?" Sango began to have the feeling that they were having two different conversations. "What do you mean he doesn't know?"

Kagome dropped Sango's arm. "He doesn't know that we made...that we had sex."

Sango was thunderstruck. She turned to face her friend fully. Kagome was staring at the water, still blushing profusely. Sango shook her head, trying to clear the confusion the other girl had caused. "How," she began, pinching the bridge of her nose, "How can you have sex with a man without his knowledge?" Kagome reddened even more, and Sango was compelled to ask, "Kagome, are you sure you understand what sex is?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Kagome said quietly, and then the dam burst. The story she poured out to Sango shocked the other girl to the core, but she was very careful to hide her reaction. She could see Kagome's shame and remorse quite clearly, and she didn't want to add to it. When she told Sango that Inuyasha had mistaken her for Kikyo, Sango winced in sympathy, knowing how much that must have hurt her. She had trouble believing that her friend had taken it so far as to actually give her innocence to the hanyou without his knowledge, and felt an unexpected twinge of pity for Inuyasha. _I know he cares for Kagome...we all know it...even if he does still love Kikyo. This is going to kill him. _In fact, she had a suspicion that he was going to be as hurt when he found out as Kagome was now. Still, Kagome was obviously eaten up with guilt, so she did not voice her thoughts. When Kagome was through with the tale, Sango felt nearly as emotionally drained as Kagome looked. She had no idea what to say to the other girl. _It's certainly a mess._ _Kagome, what on earth were you thinking? _She took another look at her friend. Her eyes were downcast, and she seemed to be waiting for something. Sango cocked her head in bewilderment before understanding dawned.

_She thinks you're going to judge her. Say something._ But Sango still didn't know what to say. She had no solution for her, but she could still offer her comfort. Big sisters were supposed to be good at that, after all. She put her arms around the other girl, hugging her gently. "We all make mistakes," she told her in a soft voice. "But mistakes made out of love are the easiest to fix. It will all work out, you'll see."

"Do you really think so?" Kagome's voice was muffled by Sango's shoulder.

Sango really had no idea if it would work out or not. Kagome and Inuyasha's relationship had always been rather volatile, and the reactions of either were unpredictable. She didn't say this, though. Instead, she hurried to reassure her. "Of course." She hugged her tighter. "We are sisters, are we not? Would I lie to my little sister?" _I hope I'm not lying._ Sango felt her own twinge of guilt, but pushed it aside.

Kagome lifted her head and smiled at her. "Thank you, Sango." She hugged her back, then let her go. "I know I don't tell you often enough, but you really are a good friend."

Sango smiled warmly. "You are too, Kagome." Her smile slipped away, and she became serious again. "You know you need to tell Inuyasha."

Kagome shook her head almost violently. "I can't, Sango. Don't ask me to. He'll hate me, I know he will. I would rather just leave than have him hate me."

Sango rolled her eyes. _As if._ She shot Kagome a look, and made her voice firm. "You can't just run away, Kagome, and you have to tell Inuyasha. From what you've told me, he thinks he may have hurt you. You can't let him keep thinking that. He deserves to know what really happened. Besides, you know as well as I do that he could never hate you."

Kagome ignored her last statement, and Sango knew she didn't believe her. "I already told him he didn't hurt me. Just let it go. He'll forget it, and so can I."

Sango began to feel exasperated. "You know better than that. He may seem slow, but I've noticed that you can't fool him for long. Besides," she said, hating to bring it up again, but knowing it had to be done, "What if you are carrying his child?"

Kagome's face blanched white, and Sango knew she had hit a nerve. "I...I'll tell him, but not yet, okay?" She turned pleading eyes to Sango. "Please. Promise me you won't tell."

"It's not my secret to tell, Kagome, but I do think _you _should tell him." She would have said more, but Kagome cut her off.

"I'll tell him. I swear. Just let me do it my way, okay? Give me a day or two to figure out what to say. I have to go home again in a couple of days, anyway. I'll tell him before I go, and that way he'll have a couple of days to cool off before he sees me again. All right? Promise me you won't say anything to anyone until then."

"Fine, I promise, but I still don't think this plan is wise."

"You can tell me you told me so if it all backfires in my face," Kagome said, a tiny hint of humor back in her voice now that Sango had given her a reprieve, but Sango could still hear the underlying tension.

_Oh Kagome, I hope it doesn't come to that._

_

* * *

_

Shippou crawled out of the bush he had been hiding in and hurried back to the campsite, shocked at all the revelations he had received while listening to Sango and Kagome. _Talk about too much information._ He hadn't heard everything, just something about "sex", "Inuyasha", and "child", but those three words together in a conversation were enough to guarantee that he'd be traumatized for life. He made a quick vow to never listen in on an adult conversation again...right before slamming into the legs of an annoyed hanyou.

Shippou found his feet dangling in the air after Inuyasha picked him up by the back of the neck. "What are you running from, runt?"

* * *

_  
-to be continued-_


	7. Chapter Seven

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Inuyasha had just stepped into camp when Shippou came barreling from the underbrush, slamming into his legs. He bent down and lifted the kit by the nape of the neck, wondering what had gotten in to him. "What are you running from, runt," he asked with some irritation, glancing around the campsite. It was empty. He noticed a pair of dead fowl dropped unceremoniously in the dirt, and felt a tickle of unease_. Where is everyone? _He shook the kitsune lightly before dropping him, but he was no longer paying him much attention. His hand instinctively went to the hilt of Tetsusaiga while he sniffed experimentally at the cool evening air. He could sense no strange youkai in the area, nor could he detect any sign of a threat, but his unease would not go away. _Not danger...something else. Something's...off._ "Did something happen?" He returned his attention to Shippou. "Where's Kagome?"

"With Sango." Shippou sounded hostile. "They went to take a bath." Inuyasha gave him his full attention. _What's his problem?_

He opened his mouth to ask him, but, to his consternation, the kitsune kicked him. Inuyasha's eyes widened, taking in the kit's angry, reddened face, but before he could cuff him, Shippou began shouting at him. "Stay away from Kagome, you...you...pervert!" He kicked him again, then turned tail and disappeared back into the woods.

Inuyasha scowled, eyebrow twitching in irritation. _Pervert? What the hell is that brat talking about now?_ Ignoring his growing disquiet, he set off after him, determined to find out.

* * *

Kagome and Sango had abandoned the water to sit on a rock by the bank, talking as their hair dried. Kagome was more at ease now, and glad that she had confided in Sango. _Being alone with your problems has a way of making them seem bigger. I knew that._ She smiled at Sango fondly. It was nice talking to her. In fact, she was taking advantage of having a sympathetic ear, and plied Sango with question after question. Sango wasn't able to answer all of them, but she gamely tried her best, and both girls were blushing and giggling before long. _She reminds me of the girls in my time when she's like this. _Kagome felt a little sad, knowing that the reason that Sango didn't always act so carefree was because she had had to grow up so fast. _We've both grown up too fast. That's probably why I don't have much in common with my friends back home anymore. _The thought dimmed her mood, and she became serious again. She leaned back on her elbows and stared blindly at the darkening sky. "Sango, have you ever been in love?"

Sango colored a bit before answering. "I don't know. I think so, but...I don't know." Kagome looked at her speculatively, but Sango didn't seem to notice. "Have...are you?"

Kagome gave her a lopsided smile and returned her gaze upward.

Sango smothered a nervous laugh. "Okay, so that was a silly question." They were both silent for a moment, then Sango spoke again, quietly. "What's it like?"

Kagome considered this. _What _is _it like to love Inuyasha? How would I explain it? It's so many things at once._ It was a few minutes before she finally answered. "Terrible. Painful. Scary." Her voice grew soft. "Wonderful."

Sango turned to look at her. Finally, she nodded, and Kagome knew she understood. She decided to ask her the one question she most wanted an answer to, even though she knew that Sango wasn't the one who could give her the answer.

"Sango, do you think that Inuyasha might ever love me...the way he loves Kikyo?"

Sango looked away, but not before Kagome saw something resembling pity in her eyes. "I don't know, Kagome. Inuyasha is a difficult individual to read."

Kagome's face fell. "Yeah." She sat up to get their things, but Sango stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't give up hope, Kagome. He wouldn't abandon you now, and he won't abandon you after he finds out. You know he isn't like that. Unlike that perverted monk, Inuyasha doesn't seem to share his body lightly."

_That's part of the problem, isn't it? He didn't share his body. I took from him. That's all. _Kagome smiled the melancholy smile she'd found herself wearing too often of late, trying, but failing, not to cry. _Not again. Am I going to cry every time somebody even mentions Inuyasha's name now? _The thought mortified her. "Sango," she said, lowering her head as she searched for her control, "he thought I was Kikyo. Don't you see?"

She felt Sango's arm go around her shoulders in a comforting gesture. "Hush, Kagome," she said, firmly but not unkindly. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't stop worrying about it so much. What's done is done. There's no going back, only forward. Now we simply have to wait and deal with any consequences as they arise."

"I know," she whispered, taking a deep breath. "Believe me, I know. I'm sorry for...you know."

Sango patted her arm reassuringly. "No reason to be sorry. I understand." She drew back and began matter-of-factly gathering the rest of their things. "Now, when is your next cycle due?"

Kagome did some quick mental calculations. "Supposedly in two weeks, but I'm not always regular."

"I see. Does your time have no way to find out sooner?"

Kagome nodded. "We have pregnancy tests you can buy. I thought about getting one, but I was scared someone would see me buying it." _Not to mention..._ "Or that Mama would find out," she finished in a small voice.

"Oh. Well, yes. I suppose you would want to avoid that, if possible." Sango trailed off, then gave Kagome an obviously forced smile before continuing. "Still, there's no need to worry for at least two more weeks. Perhaps you will be on time, and at least that problem will be solved."

"Maybe," Kagome said, not sounding particularly relieved. Two weeks seemed like a terribly long time to deal with this anxiety, and there was still the matter of Inuyasha. _Inuyasha!_ _We've been gone for a long time._ She hurriedly got up, slipping her shoes back on. "We'd better get back before Inuyasha comes looking for us. I don't really feel like attracting his attention right now."

Sango stood, as well. "Good idea. I'm hungry, anyway. Let's go see if those birds I caught are still there." The two girls climbed down from the rock they had been sitting on and began the trip back to the campsite, neither noticing the silent hanyou that stood, stricken, just past the tree line.

* * *

Miroku wandered back into their makeshift camp empty handed and disappointed, only to find the place completely deserted. However, this did not cause him much concern. There were no signs of a struggle, and his companions were prone to wander off to see to personal needs whenever they stopped for the night.

No, what did give him pause were the two plump birds lying in the dirt. He hurried over and crouched in front of them, nearly crowing in delight. _Ha! And Sango said that I would not be able to provide us with a meal. The gods have smiled on me. _Giving a few pleased words of thanks to Buddha, the errant monk set about preparing dinner.

* * *

Inuyasha felt numb.

He had raced through the trees in pursuit of Shippou, noticing quickly that the kitsune was headed toward the hot springs. _Going to tattle to Kagome, huh? I don't think so. _Smiling in unholy glee, he had decided to work his way in front of the fox demon in order to ambush him. He'd teach the brat to kick him and run. _And what did he mean by calling me a pervert, anyway? Feh. I'm nothing like that roving monk._

Remembering his recent dream of Kagome, not to mention his thoughts of late, Inuyasha flushed, then angrily pushed the memory aside, forcing his attention back to Shippou. Sniffing, he found that the kitsune was now behind him. _Gotcha. _He jumped up to a nearby tree branch to wait for him. It didn't take long.

Shippou crept cautiously into Inuyasha's line of site, sniffing the air as he went. _Come on, brat._ He flexed his clawed fingers in anticipation. He had made sure that he was upwind of the kit. He wouldn't know what had hit him until it was too late.

Unable to detect Inuyasha's scent, Shippou began to race toward the hot springs. As he passed under Inuyasha's hiding place, the hanyou flung himself down on top of him, knocking the wind out of the younger demon.

Inuyasha sat up and grinned, one hand clamped firmly on the back of the fox cub's neck. Finally getting his breath back, Shippou opened his mouth to scream, but instead of the ear-splitting wails Inuyasha expected to hear, there came the sound of a girl crying. He blinked stupidly at Shippou for a moment before realizing that the noise came from the springs.

"Kagome," Inuyasha whispered. He sealed a hand over Shippou's mouth, earning him a glare. He ignored him and walked stealthily to the edge of the tree line, mentally readying himself to neutralize anything that might be threatening one of his companions.

Senses alert, he twitched his ears toward the sound of Kagome's weeping, thinking to run in as soon as he pinpointed her location, but stopped in his tracks as soon as he heard her speak.

"...he thought I was Kikyo. Don't you see?" he heard her say.

"Wha..." Forgetting that Shippou was still clutched to him, he froze, straining to hear, yet fighting the instinct to walk away and pretend he hadn't heard anything. Every muscle in his body began to tense.

"Hush, Kagome," came Sango's voice. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't stop worrying about it so much."

_Worrying about what? Why is she crying?_ He hated it when she cried. It made him feel like a clod. Almost involuntarily, Inuyasha took a step forward. Sango was still speaking. "Now, when is your next cycle due?"

_Cycle? Cycle of what?_

Kagome's voice sounded strained when she answered. "Supposedly in two weeks, but I'm not always regular."

_What the hell are they talking about?_ A suspicion was beginning to form at the back of his mind, but he refused to acknowledge it. Instead, he listened intently.

Sango asked, "Does your time have no way to find out sooner?" _Is Kagome sick? Find out what?_ He waited for Kagome's answer. When it came it nearly floored him as surely as her subduing spell.

"We have pregnancy tests you can buy." _Pregnancy...tests...preg...pregnant? Kagome? Pregnant?_

Inuyasha felt the blood drain from his face, and had to resist the urge to sit down. He heard a muffled squeal from the vicinity of his armpit, and looked down in dazed surprise. _Shippou._ He had been squeezing the fox cub without thinking. He eased his hold a bit, then went to attention again when he heard Kagome's voice.

"We'd better get back before Inuyasha comes looking for us. I don't really feel like attracting his attention right now."

Inuyasha's mind went momentarily blank. The two girls spoke for a moment more, then left, but Inuyasha remained where he was. He didn't know how long he would have stood there if it hadn't been for the twin pinpoints of pain coming from his hand...the hand that still covered Shippou's mouth. He had forgotten that he held the runt. With a look of disgust, he dislodged the kit's sharp incisors from his palm and dropped him.

"Get the hell out of here," he growled.

Shippou opened his mouth to speak, but after a look at the hanyou's face he obviously thought better of it. Still, though, he hesitated.

"I told you to leave. Go." Inuyasha took a step toward him when he still didn't move, fists clenched and head down, hair shielding his eyes. "Go on!" The last word was a near roar. Shippou did not wait to be told again.

After the kitsune had left, Inuyasha dropped heavily to his knees, palms planted flat on the ground. It didn't take a genius to realize exactly who had mistaken Kagome for Kikyo, and Inuyasha was far from being a dimwit. The pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place in his mind.

_She won't come near me._

The dream.

_Kikyo. She said I thought she was Kikyo._

_When?_

The night he couldn't remember.

_Kagome...pregnant? What...did...who..._

_Who?_

Inuyasha's head began to ache, but he ignored it, searching the recesses of his mind.

_Not me. No._

_No. Not me. Not me._

_Was it? Think._

The dream.

_No! That didn't happen!_

He was barely aware of his fist hitting the ground.

_Remember. Remember the night you had the fever._

He shook his head.

_I can't. I can't remember. I don't know what happened._

_Do I?_

_Think._

He squeezed his eyes shut, lowering his forehead to the ground.

_"Kikyo..."_

_"I've been called that before."_

_Naked flesh, she cries out._

_I...I...I can taste her._

_Oh gods, I can still taste her. Kikyo...Kagome...the fever...the blood. _

_Oh gods._

_

* * *

_

_-to be continued-_


	8. Chapter Eight

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_I'm aware that this chapter is late, and I apologize. I managed to save a recipe over the final draft, and had to rework it from memory. This was a most frustrating experience. I swear, I spent at least two hours staring at the screen, cursing. Nothing worse than having to rewrite something you lost. Anyway, again, I apologize, and I hope you all will forgive me.._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

The Lord of the Western Lands sat with his back to his babbling retainer, wearing an air of indifference that masked his irritation. That irritation increased as his retainer continued to speak.

"Lower your voice, Jaken. Rin is sleeping," he said, motioning to the girl curled at his side.

"Your...the hanyou seems to have lost his mind, Lord Sesshoumaru," Jaken continued in quieter tones. "There are reports that he is currently destroying a small forest southeast of here. He has caused quite a disturbance. Will you do something?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes flicked to Jaken, before returning to gaze at the horizon. "Where are his companions?"

Jaken hung his head. "I do not know, my lord. The reports say he is alone."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened imperceptibly. _Interesting. _Schooling his features, he turned to look at Jaken, causing the smaller youkai to fidget and begin stuttering. He cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Is he transformed?"

Jaken scratched his lumpy head. "I don't believe so, Lord Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru felt his eyebrow twitch as his patience ran low. "You don't _believe_ so?" His voice was deceptively calm.

"Er...I...that is...I mean to say," Jaken stammered, backing away from his lord. "I will find out right away, Lord Sesshoumaru." Turning, he ran off to fulfill his duty before Sesshoumaru could become truly angry.

Sesshoumaru suppressed a sigh at having to deal with such incompetents, and turned his attention back to the matter at hand...his annoying half-brother. _What sort of trouble are you causing now, Inuyasha?_ He spared a glance for his small human charge, then continued his vigil in the darkness, lost in thought.

* * *

Shippou was as miserable as he had been in a long time. He felt as if everything in his short life was about to fall apart..._again_...and this time it was partially his fault. He hunched his shoulders, and stole a glance at his surrogate family. _Nobody is talking. I'm going to have to tell._ The prospect did nothing to make him feel better. 

He had returned to the campsite shortly after Kagome and Sango to find dinner and a pleased monk waiting. There had been a short argument between Sango and Miroku over who, exactly, had provided dinner, but it was nothing serious, and soon Shippou and even Kagome were laughing at their antics. When the laughter had settled down, Kagome had asked him where he had been, but he had simply told her that he had been playing. He hadn't wanted to be the one to cause her to lose her happy smile, but that lie was eating at him now. He was beginning to see that he should have told them the truth from the beginning. Kagome's cheerfulness had faded hours ago, and it was clear that she was brooding over the hanyou.

He was reminded of this when he heard Kagome's voice break the silence. "Why hasn't Inuyasha come back yet?"

Shippou hunched in on himself even more, not looking at the girl. He trained his ears towards the forest and he grimaced.

"It does seem strange that he would miss dinner," came Miroku's thoughtful voice. "Do you suppose I should look for him?"

No one answered. _Maybe I can just let Miroku find him? No. I can't do that. No telling what Inuyasha might do, with the mood he's in right now._ Shippou looked up. Kagome sat, miserably staring at the ground. Sango was giving her sympathetic glances, and even Miroku looked worried. Finally, Kagome spoke, not raising her head. "Do you think...that he might be hurt?" Shippou heard her voice catch, and guilt took another bite out of him. _Great, now she's getting scared. Boy, I've really screwed up this time._ He dropped his gaze, debating with himself before finally making up his mind. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath.

"I know where he is." He felt all the eyes in the camp on him, but found his courage fleeing.

"Shippou?" Sango's voice was patient, prompting him to continue. He glanced at her gratefully, then scooted closer to her.

"Shippou?" Kagome sounded confused.

Shippou took another deep breath, then looked into her eyes. "He's at the hot spring." He winced when her face went white.

"What?" She nearly shrieked, and he winced again.

"He's at the hot spring. He chased me there."

Kagome looked horrified, and Sango was beginning to look the same way. "Shippou," she said, gently, all the while trying to soothe Kagome, "When?"

_Yep, that's the question I've been dreading._ Shippou flushed and looked down. "Whileyoubothwerebathing," he mumbled in a rush.

Miroku snickered, having heard what the kit said, earning a glare from Sango. The monk looked at her questioningly, then glanced over at Kagome. Something he saw there must have clued him in on the seriousness of the situation, for he subsided.

"Shippou," Kagome said, voice faint. "Were you eavesdropping on us?"

The kitsune flinched and blushed harder. "I didn't mean to, Kagome. I swear."

Kagome didn't answer. Shippou stole a glance at her, noting her wide-eyed, shocked expression. He felt even worse than before. "I'm sorry." Kagome didn't answer.

Sango interrupted his misery with another question. "Shippou, why do you think he's still at the hot springs?"

Shippou's cocked his head toward the forest again, then he looked up at her. "I can hear him."

Sango's eyebrows rose. "You can hear him?"

Shippou sighed. This was the part he had been dreading most. "Yes. I'm almost surprised that you can't hear him." He dropped his voice. "He's been tearing up the trees ever since..."

"Ever since..." Sango prompted.

Shippou's whisper sounded unnaturally loud in the small clearing. "Ever since he heard that Kagome's pregnant."

The resulting silence was palpable. Finally, it was broken by Miroku. "Are you going to bear a child, then, Kagome?" To the monk's credit, his voice was calm.

Kagome, on the other hand, looked as if she could fly apart at any moment. "What? No!" Her cheeks were flaming, and there was an awful look in her eyes that Shippou didn't like seeing. "Maybe. I don't know. Leave me alone!" She jumped up and began pacing the campsite.

Miroku held up a placating hand, looking alarmed at the signs of hysteria she was beginning to display.

Sango shot the monk a nasty glare, then stood and went to her friend, trying to calm her. "Kagome, it will be alright."

Kagome whirled on her. "How can you say that?"

Sango pulled her in for a hug. Kagome resisted at first, but then relaxed, as if all of her energy had left at once. "I just know. I know you, and I know Inuyasha. You just have to get through this." She stood back from the now quiet girl and looked at her, then pushed her gently toward her bedroll. "Now, I want you to rest. Inuyasha will be here when you wake up."

"How do you know?" Kagome asked, but her posture spoke of exhaustion, and she obediently let Sango guide her to her sleeping bag.

"There are shards to get. Inuyasha will not shirk his responsibility."

Kagome seemed to think about this, then nodded, accepting the explanation. "You're probably right."

Sango smiled at her. "You know I am. Now get some sleep." She lifted an edge of Kagome's sleeping bag, motioning for her to get inside. For a moment it looked as if Kagome would balk, but, after giving a resigned sigh, she climbed into the sleeping bag and allowed Sango to zip it up around her.

Sango crouched by her, speaking too softly for Miroku to hear, but Shippou heard her plainly. "Rest. Morning will settle this."

Kagome gave her a halfhearted smile, then turned her back to the group. Sango returned to her seat by the fire, giving the monk a warning look. They both remained silent until they were sure that the other girl was sleeping. Then, as one, they both turned to Shippou.

He swallowed audibly. _Oh no. Here we go._

"Shippou," Sango began in low tones, "I want you to tell me exactly what you heard, and exactly what Inuyasha's reaction was. Now."

Shippou tried his most pathetic look, but the stern set of Sango's face told him that he was wasting his time. He gave it up with a sigh and, hesitantly, told them both everything that had transpired. When he was done, the fire had nearly burned out, and he was exhausted. He hoped fervently that he didn't have to repeat the tale to anyone else. He did_ not_ like to discuss such things, especially about his surrogate mother. It was just...embarrassing. Miroku and Sango were both solemn when he had finished.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Miroku turned to Sango. "Inuyasha really was not aware of what he was doing?"

Sango shook her head. "Not according to Kagome. He thought she was Kikyo."

Miroku was silent for a few minutes more, seemingly lost in thought. Sango stared at him, appearing more and more impatient as time passed. "Well? What are you thinking in that depraved brain of yours, monk?"

Miroku looked at her, appearing hurt. "You wound me, dear Sango."

"Save it," Sango said with a glare.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Miroku relented. "It just occurred to me to wonder if Inuyasha _knows_ that he did not initiate the...encounter. From what Shippou says, he only caught the last half of the conversation." He turned to Shippou. "Isn't that right?" At Shippou's nod, he continued. "Someone needs to set him straight, and soon." They all glanced to where Kagome lay sleeping, before Miroku shook his head. "However, I don't think it's wise to send her after him at this present moment."

Sango looked perplexed. "Then what do you suggest?"

"Why," he told her with a grin, "I suppose it's up to me to talk some sense into our prodigal hanyou, isn't it?"

"Miroku, I don't know..." Sango began, worry coloring her tone.

Miroku ignored her. "Shippou, can you still hear Inuyasha?"

Shippou listened hard for a moment, even though he hadn't heard the hanyou for at least an hour now. "No. It's quiet."

Sango raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Quiet as in he's calmed down, or quiet as in he's gone."

Shippou thought for a minute. "Calmed down, I think. I would have heard the noise fading if he had moved away. A little while ago, it just stopped. I think he's still near the hot spring."

Miroku stood, dusting himself off. "Very well. I will return shortly." He began walking away from the fading firelight.

Sango watched him go. "Be careful," she called after him, keeping her voice low so as to not wake Kagome.

He gave her a little wave in answer, then was gone.

With a sigh, she turned to fox cub. "It's late, Shippou. You'd better go to bed."

_Good. I'm tired._ Still, he made no move towards Kagome's sleeping bag where he usually slept. Casting a worried glance at Sango, he had to ask, "Do you think she's mad at me?"

"Who, Kagome?" Sango stared at him in confusion for a moment, before her face softened into a smile. "Of course not, Shippou. She's just under a lot of stress right now." She patted him on the head. "Now go to bed. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

Shippou didn't have to be told again. Surprising the girl with a quick hug, he hurried over to the warmth of Kagome and the sleeping bag, saying a quick prayer that things would be back to normal in the morning.

* * *

Inuyasha was, indeed, at the hot spring when he heard Miroku approaching. Scrubbing at his face, he glared around him, seeing the decimated trees and undergrowth that littered the forest floor. He wondered briefly what the monk would think, but decided he didn't give a damn _what_ he thought. It couldn't be any worse than what he thought of himself, after all. Besides, it wasn't like he had had much choice. It was either destroy the trees, or turn youkai. He shuddered, briefly remembering the long minutes he had spent clutching Tetsusaiga with both hands, his anguish nearly sending him over the edge in spite of it. Destroying the trees had taken the edge off. 

If only destroying trees could have kept him from touching Kagome.

_Goddammit, I should have had more control._ He stared at the ground with bleak eyes until he heard Miroku's footsteps nearly behind him. "What do you want, monk?" He asked the question without looking up. "Come to ask me to leave?"

"Now why would I do that?" Miroku sounded honestly perplexed as he sat down on the ground beside Inuyasha.

Inuyasha sneered, masking the burst of self-loathing that flooded through him. "Feh." There was silence after that. Miroku was seemingly content to sit in the cool night air indefinitely. Inuyasha stole a glance at the other man. His eyes were closed, and his expression gave away nothing. Inuyasha gave a mental growl, and returned to his contemplation of the ground.

After a while, though, the silence got to him. "How is she," he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Who?" Miroku asked, not opening his eyes. Inuyasha wanted to punch him.

"Kagome," he snarled. _Fucking monk. He knows exactly who I'm talking about._

"Ahh, Kagome," Miroku said. "She's worried, I believe. About you. Why don't you ask her?"

Inuyasha glared at him, getting tired of his whole "serenity of Buddha" routine. _Serenity of Buddha, my ass._ "Bastard," he said, under his breath.

Miroku finally opened his eyes and looked at him. "You can't tell me you're mad at her. Are you?"

Inuyasha started. "Mad at her? Why the hell would I be mad at _her_?"

Miroku stared at him for a moment, hard. Inuyasha refused to look away. _Fucking bastard. Say what you have to say, and get the hell out of here._ As if he had heard him, Miroku spoke. "What do you remember from the night of your fever?"

Inuyasha swung around to glare at him, cracking his knuckles dangerously. _Wha...? What the hell is he asking? I should have killed him a long time ago._

The monk held up a hand. "Whoa...that's not what I'm asking." Looking wary, he continued. "Look, you don't have to tell me. Instead, I'll tell you what I know."

Inuyasha clenched his jaw and waited. _This ought to be good._ He had to suppress a snort.

"You thought Kagome was Kikyo," Miroku said, shaking his head at Inuyasha when he was about to interrupt. "Wait, let me finish." The hanyou grunted, but was quiet. Miroku continued. "She let you think that she was Kikyo in order to be with you. In fact, she is beating herself up with guilt right now for taking," Miroku tried and failed to suppress a snicker, "advantage of you."

Inuyasha looked at him in disbelief, then shook his head. _Even if it were true..._ "It doesn't matter," he said finally.

Miroku gave him a piercing look. "Ahh," he said. "Well, there's always Kouga."

Inuyasha felt an involuntary growl vibrate through his chest at the mention of the damned wolf prince. "What about Kouga?" His voice sounded dangerous even to his ears, but he didn't care.

Miroku nodded as if coming to a decision, ignoring both Inuyasha's question and his hostility. "Yes, Kouga may well be Lady Kagome's salvation."

_What's he playing at?_ "Miroku." It was a warning.

Miroku paid it no heed. "Think about it. Kagome may be carrying your child. She can't go back to her time with a hanyou pup, and we certainly wouldn't want her trying to raise the child alone here." He gave Inuyasha an angelic smile, teeth brilliantly white in the moonlight. Inuyasha wanted to claw the grin from his face. "Therefore, Kouga is the perfect solution. He can mate with Kagome and foster the child to a good home. Kagome may even be able to convince him to raise it as his own. _He_ says he loves her, after all. Besides, even if she isn't carrying, she is no longer a maid, and it wouldn't be fair for her not to have a partner, and I believe that Kouga will take her despite her lack of...virtue." He ignored Inuyasha's growl, and continued speaking. "I'm sure she will be pleased with Kouga in that department, as well. He seems virile enough. Almost as good a choice as myself, as a matter of fact. Actually, I considered offering for her, but she is more of a sister to me. It might be awkward. Oh well." He stood up and dusted himself off, ignoring the murderous glint in the half-demon's eyes. "Now that that's settled...oomph!"

Unable to contain himself any longer, Inuyasha had tackled the monk at the knees, taking him down in the dirt and straddling him. "Damn you," he hissed, claws raised.

Miroku began to laugh.

Inuyasha looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, then crawled off him with a snort of disgust. _Fucking lunatic monk_. He sat back down, temper fading. "I knew she wasn't Kikyo," he said after a moment, voice quiet.

Miroku stopped laughing. "What?"

"I knew she wasn't Kikyo." He plucked up a twig and began playing with it idly, rolling it back and forth between his fingers. "I thought she was at first, but before...before I touched her, I knew it was Kagome." _And that's why I'm a bastard. I knew it was her, and I touched her anyway. Fuck!_

"Oh." Miroku was silent for a moment, then a slow smile spread across his features. "Then it's even, you know."

Inuyasha scowled. "What are you talking about?"

By now, Miroku's smile had turned into a full-fledged grin. "Kagome knew who you were, too."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Feh." He waited for Miroku's chuckles to die down, then told him, "That's not the problem."

Miroku sobered, giving him his attention. "Then what is the problem?"

_I knew he'd ask that. Now...how do I tell him what, exactly, I've done to Kagome? How do I explain what it means for a miko to love a hanyou?_ He took a breath to speak, but before he could, he was interrupted by the sight of Shippou crashing through the underbrush. His words died in his throat, and he jumped to his feet along with Miroku. _Kagome!_

The kit skidded to a halt in front of them, panting. "Kagome," he began, mirroring Inuyasha's thought, then squealed as the hanyou grabbed him up to hold him at eye level.

"What about Kagome?"

"We thought she was asleep, but she snuck away. Sango thinks she's going to the Bone Eater's well. She followed her, and sent me to get you."

_Stupid wench. It's the middle of the night. Doesn't she realize that she's a perfect target for youkai? Doesn't she know how vulnerable she is right now?_ He winced. _Of course she doesn't. Damn it, Kagome. _Wasting no more time, Inuyasha handed Shippou to the monk and took off running.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	9. Chapter Nine

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

It hadn't been terribly hard for Kagome to sneak away from Sango. In fact, Shippou had been her only obstacle, as she had to move him out of the way in order to leave her sleeping bag. She had feigned sleep, even though she had been so tired her head felt scrambled. Sango and Miroku hadn't even seemed to suspect. They were both in a bit of shock over the situation, too, she guessed. She had been awake the entire time the two had grilled Shippou, and she had heard everything. She had known that Inuyasha would react badly, but from what Shippou had said, he was even more upset than she had expected. Without much conscious thought, she had made the quick, desperate decision to leave. She couldn't bear to see him, at least not any time soon, and she had mentally repeated '_I want to go home'_ so many times it was beginning to seem like a mantra. She knew that it was the coward's way out, but all of her courage had fled with the knowledge that he _knew_. _How can I ever face him now?_

So she had waited until Miroku had left camp and Shippou had went to sleep to plan her escape. She only had to lie there for a short while. Sango must have been exhausted from all of their travel, not to mention dealing with Kagome's problems, for she eventually dozed off. Once she detected the demon exterminator's steady breathing, Kagome carefully moved Shippou, taking care not to cause the sleeping bag to rustle overmuch, and climbed to her feet, replacing the kit in the spot warmed by her body heat. He twitched, and she froze, but he merely snuggled farther into her sleeping bag, eyes still closed. Kagome let out a soft sigh, and then, with one last look to assure herself that Sango hadn't awakened, crept into the darkness of the forest.

The moonlight didn't provide much illumination within the canopy of trees, so she had to stand still for just a moment and let her eyes adjust. Dimly, she realized that she should be afraid of the things that darkness could hide, but she just couldn't work up the capacity to care. She felt numb, almost as if she wasn't quite _there_ inside of her body. She wondered briefly at this, but quickly pushed it to the back of her mind. Getting home was what was important right then. Once she was safely ensconced in her room she would take the time to think. Right now, though, she had to get her bearings. She squinted into the darkness, holding herself very still. Finally, she was able to detect the shadowy shapes of the trees and underbrush, and began to walk quietly away from camp. She didn't break into a jog until she was sure that she was far enough away to not be heard.

The nighttime sounds of the forest seemed unnaturally loud to her, and she picked up her pace, finally becoming a little frightened. She was so tense her gait was stiff and clumsy for few minutes, but, as her muscles warmed up, she was able to run with more ease. Unfortunately, this left her brain free to roam to other topics. Of course, her thoughts went straight to Inuyasha, and they were far from pleasant thoughts. _He knows now, and he didn't come back. He might not come back. It's better if I leave. He hates me. I don't blame him. I'm starting to hate me, too._ Kagome ran a little faster, her eyes beginning to burn with the familiar beginnings of tears. _He hates me. _She began to tear through the brush blindly, clumsily clambering over rocks and debris as she came to them_. He hates me_. She fell once, but quickly picked herself up and began running again, faster and faster, trying to escape her thoughts, but they just wouldn't leave her alone. _Hehatesmehehatesmehehatesme. _

Now Kagome was running as if Naraku himself was after her, blindly, without direction. She knew she was in danger of getting lost, but she couldn't stop. _He knows. He knows what I've done, and he hates me for it._ A blast of self-directed loathing hit her full force, intensified by the sharp pains in her overworked lungs, but she still did not slow down. _I've ruined everything. Everything. Gods._

She knew, at the edge of her mind, that she wasn't thinking clearly, but she refused to even consider going back. She didn't want to know if Inuyasha returned on his own the next morning...and she had a terrible fear that he would not. All her overwrought brain would tell her, though, was _run_, so run she did. She was too far away to reach the well by morning, but that didn't stop her. She planned on putting as much distance between herself and Inuyasha as possible.

It was becoming difficult to continue. Her breathing was labored, and were it not for her overheated blood, she would have been freezing as the night air cooled the sweat on her skin. _It doesn't matter._ _Doesn't matter. _She swiped quickly at her eyes and tried to go faster. She didn't notice the branches that tore at her clothes and skin, nor did she notice that the large log she pulled herself over had scales. When something whipped out at her leg, she thought she had tripped over a vine. Lifting her face out of the musty leaves and debris on the forest floor, she grumbled half-heartedly, then sat up. _Even the forest hates me now._ She gave a strangled little sob, but it was cut short when she looked up.

Waving before her, flicking its tongue not five meters from her face, was a huge reptilian head. It was covered in dark, lichen encrusted scales, and it's dull, black eyes promised death.

Belatedly, Kagome sensed what she should have felt long before she got this close to the creature: a Shikon shard. With this awareness she felt a sharp, almost crippling pain in her stomach that was gone almost as quickly as it had come. This scared her almost as much as the youkai in front of her, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. Kagome had a sneaking suspicion that she was about to die in a very unpleasant manner. She didn't have room to draw her bow, so she did the only thing she _could_ do.

She screamed.

The beast drew back to strike, and Kagome squeezed her eyes tightly shut, knowing that even is she ran, she didn't stand a chance. The demon was too close. _Inuyasha, I'm so sorry. You'll have to find another shard detector._ She waited to feel the pain of the beast's teeth sinking into her, but it never came.

Instead, she heard a familiar voice followed by a loud _thwack_. "Kagome, run!" It was Sango, and she had bought Kagome a precious few seconds, distracting the beast with her boomerang

Grateful to the other girl and operating on adrenaline, she scrambled, skinning her hands and knees, to get out of the way. She looked briefly behind her, where she could see an avenue of escape through the trees, then turned back around. She would not leave Sango to fight alone. However, she had to get out of the range of the creature's swaying head if she wanted to use her bow. She quickly headed for a large, moss-covered boulder.

"Hiraikotsu," she heard Sango cry. Kagome saw the demon-bone boomerang strike the big lizard right between its slitted eyes. Seemingly angered but unfazed, the youkai let out a rattling hiss, a foul-smelling steam pouring from his nostrils as he swung his head in Sango's direction.

Sango prepared to throw the boomerang again, focusing on the head of the beast.

Kagome was trying to notch an arrow with trembling hands when she saw something that made her stomach clench in alarm. The reptile youkai had worked its tail around the trees behind Sango, and was blocking her in. Kagome screamed a warning, but it did no good. Sango now stood stock still, seemingly entranced by the swinging head before her.

_It's doing something to her with that steam._ Realizing that she was Sango's only chance at salvation, she began to panic. She struggled with her bow with shaking hands, finally readying an arrow. She sighted it along her cheek, aiming for one of the creature's eyes. Fear for her friend made her tremble, but she savagely tamped it down, worried that she wouldn't get another chance. She took a deep breath. _Please, don't let me miss._ She pulled back the bowstring and let the arrow fly.

* * *

Inuyasha ran, conflicting emotions warring within him with every step. He was angry; with Kagome, with himself, and the entire world. He was worried, he was confused, and, on some subconscious level, he was_ glad. _This realization made him even angrier, although he was unsure who, exactly, to blame for that particular feeling. Mostly, though, he was still reeling in shock. Kagome had always practically oozed innocence, and the thought that she might become the aggressor had never even occurred to him. He knew she cared for him...hell, he wasn't stupid _or _blind...but he had thought it was more of a young girl's infatuation. He certainly hadn't known that she thought of him _that_ way. Not Kagome. 

He flushed darkly_. Not that I've never thought of her_. Hell, it had taken him three days to completely recover after seeing her in the bath the last time, but he had always fiercely repressed such thinking. He knew Kagome was...untouchable. At least by him. He knew, but apparently, she did not. _Feh. Kagome, you idiot. What have you done?_ He had to find her, the full implications of her actions torturing him, cursing him for leaving her alone. _She didn't know. If she knew, she would be safely in camp right now, where she belongs. Damn it, if she had known, she would have never have let me touch her in the first place._

Unbidden, his mind flashed images from his dream...the dream that he now realized was actually memory.

_"Who are you?"_

_"Yours."_

Inuyasha ran faster, his face grim. She had to be close by now. He sniffed the air, but the scent he caught was neither Kagome's nor Sango's. _Youkai._ Inuyasha felt the blood chill underneath his skin, and nearly stumbled. It was the scent of a very powerful demon. As he got closer, Inuyasha could feel its dark aura surrounding him in stifling waves. He knew it was too much for Sango alone to handle, and Kagome...

Kagome wouldn't stand a chance. Not now.

He forced more speed into his legs, hoping he got to the two women before the youkai did.

His hopes were dashed when he heard the bloodcurdling scream shred the forest air.

"Kagome!" He shouted, still not close enough to see her. _Fuck! Run!_

_

* * *

_

Kagome watched in disbelief as her arrow bounced ineffectively off the demon's scaly eyelid. _What just happened here?_ Her arrow should have at least caused some damage, but it hadn't even pierced the most vulnerable spot on the demon. Worse, Kagome had been unable to infuse the arrow with any of her Miko energy. She didn't know why. _Maybe I didn't concentrate hard enough._

Fumbling with her quiver, she was gratified, at least, the she seemed to have taken the youkai's attention from her friend. _One more shot. I can do this. _She gritted her teeth, desperate determination filling her, and notched another arrow as the youkai began lumbering towards her, massive feet causing the earth to shake with each step. She held her ground, glad that Sango was temporarily safe, though still lying, seemingly unconscious, on the forest floor. Bracing herself, Kagome began to turn her focus inward, struggling to pull out her power, trying to direct it into the arrow, but something was wrong.

It hurt. _Like when I first sensed the shard..._

The harder she tried, the more agony she felt. It was as if someone were raking claws across her insides. She cried out, a thin, wailing sound, and sweat began pouring down her face, but she could not stop. The claws had too firm of a hold on her and wouldn't let her. They were turning her inside out.

She felt the steam from the demon envelop her, saturating her lungs and clouding her mind, but she could no longer see. Dimly, as if from the other end of a long tunnel, she heard someone calling her name. She thought the voice sounded familiar, but she was having difficulty concentrating and could not recognize it. _I...I..._

Her bow dropped from her limp fingers and fell to the boulder with a clatter. She had one last, clear thought as her knees buckled beneath her.

_Inu...yasha..._

Kagome's world went black.

* * *

_Finally. Shit! _Inuyasha could see her. She was standing atop a large rock, her back straight, hair billowing against her face as she readied an arrow and pointed it at a gargantuan youkai that was steadily moving toward her. He would have appreciated the picture she presented if the situation had not been so dire. _Damn it, little girl. Get off that rock and run. _He raced toward her as she pulled the bowstring back and closed her eyes. 

_No!_ "Kagome, run! Run!" _Drop the damned useless arrows and run!_

Still, she stood with the bow by her cheek, eyes closed. Her face looked strained, even from this distance. _Something is wrong. Is she hurt?_ His eyes raked her, but he could see no visible injuries. However, what he did see caused him just as much concern. Her hair had begun to whip wildly about her face even though there was no wind, and Inuyasha could see her hand shake as it held the arrow. He felt the air around him begin to crackle, and underneath the damp smell of the forest and the cloying scent coming from the youkai, he could detect a different odor. It smelled like burning flesh, and it was coming from Kagome.

_What the hell?_ His vision of Kagome began to waver and ripple, like a reflection in water that has been disturbed. _Shit! What was that?_ Inuyasha was as scared as he had ever been, but he ruthlessly subdued his fear and confusion, concentrating instead on the immediate threat of the youkai that was preparing to attack the girl he was supposed to protect. Thick steam was already coming from the reptile's nostrils, surrounding her, and, to his stunned surprise, her aura flared red for a moment, answered by a matching red light in the demon's forehead. The youkai jerked back from her, seemingly in pain, then the red light faded from both of them. _What...it's got a goddamned shikon shard. This must be the one we were after. Damn it. But why..._ He shook off his thoughts. He didn't have time for that right now. He'd ask questions after he saved Kagome.

He shouted her name as he ran, but she did not hear him. He was still too far away to catch her when she crumpled to the boulder, arrow unfired. Feeling a rage so powerful that it nearly made him mindless, he flung his body up and forward in a desperate leap, coming to land between the unconscious girl and the approaching demon. She was alive, but her appearance alarmed him. She was drenched in sweat, and so pale that it hurt him to look at her. Inuyasha growled, protective instincts flaring. Covering his nose and mouth with one sleeve to block out the noxious vapors swirling around them, he turned to face the creature.

He absently noted that Sango was lying far enough away to be temporarily safe. He spared a moment for the passing hope that Miroku had followed him and would see to her, but his mind was soon focused on the youkai that had dared to threaten what was his. He pulled Tetsusaiga from its sheath, holding it in front of him in a defensive posture as he rapidly calculated the best place to make his first strike. The other demon was a lumberous creature, and this gave him a few precious seconds to consider and plan. He needed to daze it and goad it into focusing on him, rather than the girls, then he could finish it off, safely away from them, and retrieve the shard before it could regenerate. He hastily looked it over with a critical eye. It was heavily scaled, but it had a rather long neck, and the scales looked a bit thinner on the underside...right..._there..._

Wasting no more time, Inuyasha leapt up and swung Tetsusaiga with all his might, baring his fangs in a grimace of satisfaction as he felt the blade slip past scales to bite demon flesh. He hit the ground rolling, coming up quickly behind the slower demon.

_Come on, you bastard..._

Inuyasha was rewarded when the beast made its move, twisting and lunging toward the hanyou with a vicious hiss. It was what Inuyasha had been waiting for. Stretching out with his senses, he found the crack where his youki met with that of the creature.

"Wind scar," he shouted, bringing Tetsusaiga down and striking the ground. The sizzling blasts of energy emitted by the sword cut a path through the demon, leaving nothing behind but smoking chunks of flesh and several deep ruts in the earth. He hacked at the bits remaining, hurrying lest he had to fight the thing all over again, until he found the shard. He cleaned it off quickly, wearing a look of extreme distaste, then scrambled to where Kagome still lay. Checking her over, he saw that she was breathing, but shallowly, and she still hadn't regained consciousness. He gently hoisted her into his arms and turned, greeted by the welcome sight of Miroku and Shippou crashing into the clearing.

"Monk," he shouted, inclining his head in the direction Sango lay. "See to her." He made sure that Miroku had heard him, then sprinted into the trees, clutching his burden to him.

He had to get Kagome to Kaede. The old woman would know what to do.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	10. Chapter Ten

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

_Whispering._ The first thing she was aware of were the voices whispering. She had the fleeting thought that this was rather rude of the faceless voices, but it was quickly shoved aside by the awareness that she _ached_, all over. Kagome began to wake up more fully.

She opened her eyes and immediately slid them shut again. The sun coming through the small window made her head pound unbearably. She tried to lift her arm to block out the offensive light that was burning through her eyelids, and let out a small whimper at how much effort the simple action took.

"Easy, child," came one of the voices from somewhere above her. Kagome finally recognized it as belonging to Kaede. "Give your strength time to come back to you."

Kagome opened her eyes again with a wince, glancing up groggily before closing them with a tired sigh. _Kaede's hut. I don't remember how I got here. My head...hurts._

_Did Inuyasha...?_

"Kaede," she said, voice barely a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, child?"

Kagome's thoughts became blurred, and the pain in her head began to recede. The world was swirling away again. Kagome struggled to hang on to it. "Inuyasha...where?"

"The hanyou is here," Kaede said, and Kagome felt some of the tension go out of her aching muscles. She had felt an unbearable fear that he would not be there, but she could not remember why. She made a small sound of frustration.

Someone picked up her hand, lightly caressing her palm before closing their fingers around hers. She tried to open her eyes again, but she couldn't. Her eyelids were too heavy. "Rest, Kagome," came a familiar, low voice. _Inuyasha._

She fought to stay awake. "Don't...go."

There was a pause, then, "Rest. I'll be here."

She squeezed his hand to let him know she understood, and fell back into darkness.

* * *

Kagome slept for three more days, only half awakening when the others tried to coax her to drink a bit of broth. Inuyasha stayed by her side, silent and brooding. His temper had grown shorter and shorter, and he was snapping at anyone who approached him. Shippou wouldn't even stay in the hut, opting to spend time with Kilarra, despite his worry for his surrogate mother.

Miroku was growing concerned about Inuyasha, as were the others. Sango once again attempted to get the hanyou to let her sit with Kagome while he took a break, but he would have none of it. His response was quick and furious. Miroku glared at him when Sango hastily apologized and ran outside, eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Sango is worried about you, too, you know. Both of you," he said in reproach.

Inuyasha didn't look at him. "Feh," he said simply, but some of the heat had gone out of his voice.

Miroku gave a mental sigh. _Stubborn hanyou._ "Kagome would want you to rest."

Inuyasha still did not reply. Miroku felt himself growing frustrated. He tried again.

"You could go outside in the fresh air for a bit. Sango and I will both stay with her."

Inuyasha glared at him briefly, before turning his eyes back to the wall. "No."

_Well, at least he responded with an actual word this time._ He decided to take that as a good sign. "At least," he began in a cajoling voice, but Inuyasha cut him off.

"No."

_Well._ "You aren't being rational, Inuyasha." He glared at him, then saw the hanyou's hand flex convulsively in Kagome's direction.

For a moment, Miroku thought Inuyasha wasn't going to answer, but finally, in a soft voice, he spoke. "I promised her I'd stay."

_Ahh._ Realizing that trying to reason with him further would most likely be futile, Miroku nodded once, then left the hut in search of Sango.

* * *

"Miroku," Sango said in surprise when the monk sat down beside her on the riverbank. She hastily began to try and remove any traces of her weeping. "You startled me."

Miroku glanced at her, and she saw his features soften in sympathy. The pain she felt was reflected in his eyes. _He's scared, too. _She looked away. She felt contrarily relieved at his presence, and uncomfortable with it, at the same time.

"Are you all right?" he inquired in a gentle tone.

"I'm fine," she said, and it was true, at least physically. The effects of the demon's poison had worn off soon after the vapors had cleared, leaving no lasting effect other than a slight sore throat that was already feeling better. Of course, she didn't really think that he was asking after her physical health, especially since he had seen her walk home unaided and declared fit by Kaede. His next words confirmed her suspicion, and she braced herself for a conversation she wasn't sure she wanted to have.

"You know," he said after a short, contemplative silence, "Kagome is a very strong girl. She has endured many things, and come out of them just fine. I believe," he said, voice low and soothing, "That it is far too early to give up on her."

"Mm." Sango watched a crane lift a thrashing fish from the water and fly into the afternoon sun. She felt a pang of sympathy for the fish. _I'm not giving up. I just don't...don't know what to do. It isn't fair._ She blinked away the tears that had snuck back up on her, lowering her head and speaking her thoughts in an anguished voice. "It isn't fair. The demons...we can fight them. We can protect each other, or at least try to. But this? How can we fight this? Her own body is going to destroy her, and there's nothing...nothing we can do. It just isn't fair," she repeated, voice rising. She turned to Miroku, finding a sad, crooked smile on his face.

Realization of what she had just said dawned on her. She was instantly contrite. "Miroku," she said, placing a hand on his arm.

He covered her hand with his own, causing her heart to do a funny little leap. She wondered at the feeling, but did not pull away. "Sango, do not forget that as long as there is breath, there is hope. Kaede said that she did not know of a way to save Kagome, not that there was _not_ a way to save her. We will find a way. You have to have faith in that." He drew back a bit and fell silent.

Sango wondered briefly if he truly believed that, or if he were simply trying to comfort her, but then she saw him clenching his hand, fidgeting with the prayer beads that kept the air void inside sealed away. _I suppose he has to believe that...and I...I think I want to believe it, too._ She reached out hesitantly and grasped his cursed hand, earning a start of surprise from the monk. Turning it over so that the palm was facing up, she gently traced her finger over and around the prayer beads there. "Yes," she said, finally. "We will find a way."

"Sango," he said, softly.

"Yes, Miroku?" She met his eyes, wondering at the tenderness she saw there. Her heart gave another flutter.

"Thank you."

She nodded and averted her gaze, feeling suddenly shy, but could not hide a small smile. She felt his arm come to rest on her shoulders lightly, as if he were afraid she would push him away, but she had no intention of doing so. Not this time. It felt...nice...to be held this way, and she felt a little of the stress from the day seeping away from her. _If only he were like this all the time. I could almost..._ Sighing, she closed her eyes and tentatively leaned into his side. He froze for a moment, then relaxed, pulling her more firmly to him. She flushed lightly, but allowed the familiarity. Turning so that her cheek lay against his chest, she listened to the river rush by them, and was content, for the moment, to rest in the solace he was offering.

* * *

"Kagome," Inuyasha said once he was sure he was alone with the girl. He brushed the back of his knuckles across her cheek, staring intently when her eyelashes fluttered, but she did not awaken. _Stupid Kagome, don't you know what happens to people who get too close to me? _He patted her face one last time, then leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, remembering, with nightmarish clarity, carrying her limp form into Kaede's hut.

_"What's wrong with her, old woman," he asked Kaede, after depositing Kagome on the pallet, and telling her of Kagome's collapse during the youkai attack. Ignoring his own fiery blush, he also informed her of Kagome's loss of innocence._

_"And you were human on that night?" Kaede asked._

_Inuyasha nodded, hoping she would not want more detail than that. "Yes."_

_"Hmmm," she said, and began fussing over Kagome again, causing him to fidget in impatience._

_Trying to tamp down his frustration, he fought the urge to bare his teeth and snarl at the old woman. "Well, hag, what's wrong with her?"_

_Kaede looked at him then, her one eye boring into his, and he suddenly did not want to know her answer. She gave it to him anyway. "She is dying."_

_Inuyasha staggered backward as if he had been struck. Sango gasped behind him. Steadying himself, he demanded, "What?" He was furious, thinking the bitch was lying to him for some sadistic purpose, but the mournful look on her face told him that she was not toying with him, but telling the truth. He felt a dull pain in his chest, and a desperate desire to smash something. He was forestalled by Kaede motioning for him to sit down. Inuyasha did her bidding in stunned silence._

_Kaede sighed, and began speaking. "You, too, Sango. Sit down. I will explain while Shippou is outside with the monk."_

_Inuyasha folded his hands nervously into his sleeves, waiting for her to begin. She seemed in no great hurry, pacing a around the room, muttering a little under her breath. Finally, when he had been about to jump up and demand some answers, she spoke. "For a miko, power lies in purity. Purity of heart, purity of soul, and purity of body."_

_Inuyasha colored, knowing where this was headed. "I know this already, hag." Kaede silenced him with a frown._

_"Yes, but Sango does not." She bustled about a minute, then continued. "As I was saying, a miko's power lies in her purity, but that does not mean that she cannot love. However, giving herself to a youkai is strictly forbidden."_

_Inuyasha clenched his jaw and looked away._

_"But Inuyasha isn't pure youkai," Sango protested._

_Kaede shrugged. "It does not matter. If there is even a drop of youkai blood, the effect is the same." She paused and gave Inuyasha an appraising look. "'Tis why you had agreed to become human for my sister, is it not, Inuyasha?"_

_Inuyasha flinched, angry that she would bring that up. "Feh."_

_Sango still looked confused. "So, Kagome is going to die because she and Inuyasha..." She trailed off with an embarrassed glance at Kaede._

_Inuyasha had had enough. "No," he said through his teeth. "It's not supposed to kill her. She just wouldn't be a miko anymore. Her powers would be dormant. Right, old woman? It isn't supposed to kill her," he continued, voice a near shout. He got to his feet and came to stand in front of Kaede, taking an aggressive stance. "So what the hell is wrong with her?"_

_"You were human, Inuyasha," Kaede replied calmly, as if this explained everything. She seemed undisturbed by the angry hanyou glowering at her from less than a foot in front of her face. He continued to glare at her, and she relented with an exasperated grunt. "Her miko energy was not sealed because your youkai blood was inactive. However, your demon aura, your youki, still mingled with hers, and they entertwined. Her miko energy now mistakes Kagome's own aura as belonging to a demon, and it is attempting to purify her. When she tried to use her energy to fight the demon earlier, it became stronger, and tried to consume her. It is a very lucky thing that the demon's poison caused her to lose consciousness, or it would have succeeded, and we would be burying her right now."_

_Inuyasha's ears flattened to his head as her words conjured up an unwanted image. He blinked at her a few times, the scowl slipping from his features, then sat back down, dazed._

_Sango was losing her composure. "Surely we can stop it," she cried._

_"Perhaps," Kaede said, and the hanyou's ears twitched toward her. "From what you have told me, Inuyasha, Kagome still has some control over her power. I do not know how this is possible, or if it will help her, but I suspect that as long as it is so, there may be a chance."_

_Inuyasha leaned forward, trying to hide the hope from his voice. "What chance, old woman?"_

_"I do not know, Inuyasha. That is what we must find out."_

_He growled in frustration, folding his arms and glaring at the wall. Sango looked contemplative and scared, but said nothing._

_Kaede glanced back at the unconscious girl behind her before facing the hanyou and the demon exterminator again. "You must not give up hope. Her life depends on it."_

_Unable to listen any longer, Inuyasha had gotten to his feet and stormed from the hut._

Inuyasha opened his eyes, shaking himself lightly to rid himself of the memory. _And just how the hell am I supposed to figure out a way to save her? _He cursed savagely, the weight of the responsibility nearly crushing him. The words sounded unnaturally loud in the almost-empty hut, and he shot a guilty glance toward Kagome, but she was still sleeping. Kaede had given her something to help her rest while she regained her strength, but it should be wearing off soon. Inuyasha wished she would wake up. It was beginning to feel as if she were already...gone. He sucked in a sharp breath, catching her scent. That was another worry. She still smelled like Kagome, but now his scent was mixed in, too. She usually smelled a bit like him. She rode on his back all the time, after all, but this wasn't the same. Her scent just wasn't _right._ It had a sickly edge to it that had increased in the last few days, as if it were some decaying thing. He had initially noticed it when Kaede had left him alone with her on the first day. He had been trying to analyze her scent so he might figure out if she was carrying his child, even though, logically, he knew it would be too soon for even his sensitive nose to tell.

He had been right. He couldn't tell if she was pregnant or not, but what he had smelled had so distracted him, he had nearly forgotten why he had been checking in the first place. The scent was now noticeably stronger. _She smells...tainted. _He turned away, feeling faintly ashamed. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

_It wasn't supposed to happen at all, moron. Remember?_

He cursed again, and changed the direction of his thoughts. He had to grudgingly admit, at least to himself, that Miroku had been right. He did need to rest. He'd never be able to think clearly enough to help Kagome if he kept on this way. He didn't need as much sleep as the others, but he definitely needed some, and he hadn't had any at all in over seventy-two hours. The problem was how to do it and still be near enough if she woke up that she wouldn't think he'd broken his word. There was really only one solution.

Looking around to make certain that the others had not returned, he scooted closer to Kagome, pulling her up carefully until her head rested in his lap, then leaned back against the wall again. One corner of his mouth tilted up in a crooked smile as he remembered a time when he had been human, weakened from poison, and she had done the same for him.

He tucked her hair back from her face, wishing again that she would wake. He wanted...no, needed...to talk to her. To explain to her what was going on, of course, but he also wanted to know _why._ He shifted slightly, stretching out his legs, careful not to jostle her. _Why would you do that, Kagome? Was it just an impulse? Were you only curious? You said I thought you were Kikyo. Was that the reason? Was it...pity?_ The thought that she had thought he was so desperate for Kikyo, and had felt sorry enough for him to lie with him, filled him with shamed fury. He shoved it back down, realizing there was no use trying to understand her actions while she slept. _But when she wakes up, I want answers._

Making sure she was as comfortable as she could be under the circumstances, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax. It was only moments before exhaustion pulled him into slumber.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	11. Chapter Eleven

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Kagome was floating in a sea of red. A warm, furry sea of red. _And it's comfortable, too. Wait...furry?_ Jolted awake by the thought, she opened her eyes fully. _It's Inuyasha's fire rat hoari. Why am I lying on it?_ It was then that she noticed who was wearing the clothing that her head was cushioned on. _Eep!_ She jerked upright, wide awake now. It wasn't the first time she had fallen asleep leaning on Inuyasha, but it seemed a little strange right now, seeing as how she didn't remember falling asleep in the first place. She looked around with bleary eyes, feeling disoriented.

_Kaede's._ The light was still dim, but enough early morning sun was filtering through the windows for her to make out the shapes of the others in the room. They were all still sleeping. She turned back to Inuyasha, caught by surprise at what she saw. Shippou was curled up in Inuyasha's lap near where her head had been, and the hanyou was petting the fox demon in his sleep.

_Oh, that's too cute. I wish I had my camera._ She couldn't suppress a tiny giggle.

Inuyasha must have heard her, for he stirred, an unintelligible grumble coming from his lips. After a moment, he popped open an eye, looking down at his lap where he was still petting a sleeping Shippou. He made a sound of immense disgust. "Get off me, brat," he growled, flinging the kitsune away from him. Shippou landed on Miroku, who sat up and looked around, eyes slightly crossed and looking dazed.

Kagome couldn't help it. She laughed outright.

Inuyasha, Miroku, and Shippou turned to look at her in astonishment.

"Kagome," Inuyasha said, just as Shippou threw himself into her arms, nearly knocking her over in the process.

"Kagome," he shouted in her ear, "You're awake!"

_If I wasn't before, I would be now._ She waited for the ringing in her ears to go away.

Shippou patted her cheek happily. "I was starting to think you'd never wake up."

She stared at him in confusion for a moment, then she remembered everything in a rush. Heat flooded her face, and her eyes flew to meet Inuyasha's. _The spring...he heard us at the spring...I was going home...Oh gods, he heard us...and then the youkai...Oh gods..._

Shippou was still chattering away in her ear, but she didn't hear any of the words. She was still staring at Inuyasha. He met her gaze directly, but she couldn't read the expression there. _What...what is he thinking? Is he going to send me home?_ She felt like looking away, but didn't, trying to gauge his mood. She had no idea what she was going to say to him. She didn't know if she should say _anything_. Finally, she jerked her gaze away, only to realize that Sango was now awake and speaking to her.

"I'm sorry, Sango. I didn't hear you," she said. She stole another, nervous glance at Inuyasha. He was still looking at her, saying nothing.

Sango repeated her question. "Would you like something to drink?"

"To drink?" She struggled to turn her attention back to Sango. "Oh. Yes. Actually, I am thirsty," Kagome said.

Miroku came to stand before her. "Are you hungry, Kagome?"

Kagome began to grow confused. "Yes," she replied, realizing that she was ravenous. "But you don't have to..."

"It is no trouble," he interrupted, and went to fill a crockery bowl as Sango pressed a cup of cool water into her free hand.

"Here, Kagome," Sango said. "Can I get you anything else? Are you cold? Would you like a blanket?"

_Alright, this is getting weird._ "No, thank you, Sango," she said, gently setting Shippou down. He snuggled up to her side as if afraid she'd leave. Inuyasha was still staring, that strange look on his face.

_What on earth is going on here?_

Kaede waddled over and grasped Kagome's chin, nearly causing her to drop her water, and turned her head this way and that. At last, apparently satisfied, she hmmphed and let her go.

Kagome wondered if she was having a strange nightmare. She pinched herself to make sure. "Ouch," she muttered. _Okay, not dreaming. That hurt!_

"Are you in pain?" Inuyasha asked. Kagome stared at him, wondering what he was up to.

Distracted, she answered truthfully. "Yes. I just pinched myself." She flushed, resisting the urge to slap her hand over her mouth before she babbled something else without thinking.

Inuyasha gave her another strange look, but didn't say anything.

Miroku shuffled in front of Kaede to hand Kagome a bowl of soup, Inuyasha still staring at her. She was getting unnerved, but she tried to ignore it and eat, figuring she would need her strength for whatever happened later.

It was difficult to accomplish with everyone watching her, but she managed it, finishing eating before she finally lost her patience. She set her bowl down before crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "Alright, out with it. What's going on?"

An uncomfortable silence descended on the hut.

"Well? What is it?"

Still no one spoke. Kagome began to grow truly worried. "Guys? Come on, you're starting to scare me. What is it?" It had to be bad if no one wanted to tell her. _Has Inuyasha really decided to make me leave? Is that what they don't want to tell me?_ Her breath caught, and she let her eyes settle on Sango, hoping that the other girl would enlighten her.

Sango opened her mouth as if to speak, then burst into tears and ran from the hut. Kagome stared after her in shock, then turned to survey the others. Miroku wouldn't meet her eyes, Shippou looked as confused as she was, and Kaede's face was grim. Kagome turned to Inuyasha, silently pleading for an explanation.

His eyes didn't leave Kagome's face. "Kaede-baba," he began, and something in his voice frightened Kagome. "Take Shippou outside." He did not speak while Kaede picked up a protesting Shippou and left the hut, Miroku trailing after them.

"Are you sure you aren't in any pain?" Inuyasha's voice startled her, even though she had been expecting him to speak.

"Yes, I'm sure," she replied, hoping he couldn't tell how rattled she felt. Kagome waited for Inuyasha to speak again, but he didn't seem to be in any hurry to do so. She was so nervous; she didn't know what to do with her hands, so she folded them in her lap. Inuyasha still said nothing, and Kagome found that she was beginning to feel strange. Almost dizzy. She wondered if she had finally experienced enough stress for her first heart attack, and nearly giggled hysterically. _Oh no. Wouldn't that be just my luck?_

"Kagome," Inuyasha said, and her head jerked up.

"Yes," she said, voice sounding strangled.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Breathe."

She started, not having realized that she'd been holding her breath. She let it out with a _whoosh_, coloring slightly and looking away. _I have to stop being so immature about this. He shouldn't have to be the one to speak first. I owe him an apology, after all. _She decided to hazard a peek up at him. He was still looking at her, but his expression had softened a bit, and she could see a touch of concern in his eyes. It gave her courage. She took a deep breath, careful not to forget to let it out this time, and spoke. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said. "I didn't mean to..."... _pretend to be your dead lover..._ "I didn't mean to..." ..._take something from you that should only be given..._ "I didn't mean to betray your trust," she finally got out in a shaky voice. "If you want me to leave, I'll understand. I..."

"Shut up," he said, interrupting her.

Kagome bit her lower lip. _Damn it, I'm not going to cry. I'm not. I deserve this._ "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears beginning to track down her cheeks in spite of herself.

Inuyasha cursed, and she felt his hands on her upper arms, dragging her into his lap. Kagome squeaked in surprise. "What are you doing?" She tried to pull back from him, but he just tightened his grip.

"Stupid," he said, tucking her head down to his chest and resting his chin against her hair. "I said shut up. You didn't betray anyone, and I don't want you to leave."

Kagome felt a spark of hope spring to life in her heart, and tried to squash it. "But I pretended to be Kikyo," she said into his hoari.

"Yeah, well, you suck at pretending," he said. "I knew who you were."

"_What_?" Kagome tried to lift her head to look at Inuyasha, but he wouldn't let her. After a brief struggle with him mashing her face back to his shoulder, she gave up and relaxed against him, waiting for his answer.

"I said," he repeated, sounding exasperated. "I knew who you were."

That gave her pause. "You did?" She asked in a small voice. "Really?"

She felt his chest rise and fall in a heavy sigh. "Yes. I'm not stupid, you know. I wouldn't have..." His voice ground to a halt, and he muttered an unintelligible curse. She flushed lightly, glad her face was down and he couldn't see it, and he continued. "I just didn't remember at first. I thought it had been another dream until I heard you and Sango talking at the hot springs."

_So he knew it was me? What does that mean? Does he...? I'm so confused! _"I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said quietly.

"Feh," he growled, shifting to look down at her. "You don't listen very well, do you? I told you to shut up."

Neither one of them spoke again for a few minutes. Finally, Inuyasha sighed again, his breath fanning over her hair, making her shiver. His arms tightened about her. "Are you cold?" He asked, voice gruff.

"No." _Not cold. Not cold at all. Why isn't he pushing me away? Wait...did he say...? _"Inuyasha..."

"Kagome..."

The hanyou grunted, and she smothered a nervous giggle before it could escape. "You go first," he said.

Kagome nodded. She absently picked up a strand of his silver hair, wrapping it around her index finger. "What did you mean by 'another' dream?" He tensed beneath her. She waited for an answer, then waited some more. He remained silent. "Inuyasha?"

Nothing. _Okay, I guess he's not going to answer me._ Kagome tried again to push away from him.

"Hold still," he snapped. "I'm trying to talk to you."

"Then talk already," she said, frustrated. "What is it? Are you mad at me? You say you don't want me to leave...what do you want? Talk!"

"Feh. Give me a minute, damn it. I'm trying."

_That's it. He's driving me crazy. _"Inuyasha, just say what is on your mind. It shouldn't be that hard. You aren't going to make me feel any worse than I already do. I don't expect you to lie for my sake, or to have to carefully pick your words. I know what I did was wrong. I knew you didn't want me that way, and I know I took advantage anyway. I said I'm sorry, but I understand that it's not enough. I don't expect you to forgive me, but at least talk to me. I can't stand this anymore," she finished, voice muffled by a face full of his clothing.

Inuyasha drew back to look at her, surprised. "Kagome," he said. "I never said..."

Kagome waited, but he didn't continue. "What? You never said what?"

He looked away, face coloring. "I never said..." he repeated, voice lowering to a mumble.

She leaned a closer to him. "What? I didn't hear you."

This time his answer was so low she barely heard him at all. If she hadn't seen his lips move, she wouldn't have known he had even spoken. She huffed in frustration. "Inu_yash_a...I can't hear you. Speak louder," she said, enunciating slowly and clearly, as she would to a child.

Inuyasha made an aggravated sound, swinging irritation-filled eyes to meet hers. "I said that I never told you I didn't want you, you deaf bitch," he fairly yelled in her face, then flushed even deeper, averting his eyes.

Kagome blinked at him in shock. _What is he saying? That he _did _want me? "_Would you..." she began, pausing to clear her throat lightly. "Would you say that again?"

Inuyasha gave her an incredulous look. "You heard me," he said, and then she heard him mutter under his breath, "The whole fucking village probably heard me."

Kagome was finding it hard to breathe. "Please, humor me. I don't think I heard you right."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and gave a long-suffering sigh. He pushed her head back down to his shoulder. "I said that I want you. I wouldn't have done...what I did, if I didn't."

She mulled that over for a moment. _He said he wanted me. He actually said it. He wouldn't lie to me about something like that. Would he? "_So...so you aren't sorry...that I...?"

He grunted. "Hell yeah, I'm sorry."

Kagome flinched. _Ouch._ She tried to get up, but his arms clamped tightly around her back, not letting her move. "Kagome..."

"Let me go, Inuyasha," she said, desperate to get away. _Stupid! Stupid Kagome! Of course he's sorry. What did you expect? A declaration of love? I'm such an idiot. _She increased her struggles to escape his hold.

"No! Damn it, listen to me," he said, struggling just as hard to keep her from rising. "Stop it. Kagome...ouch! Shit!" He looked at her in disbelief. "You bit me!"

"Let me go!" Kagome was seething.

"Kagome, please..."

She stopped trying to get up. _Did he just say please? _He had sounded so unsure of himself, and it struck a chord within her. She tried to hide her reaction.She sniffed. "Fine. Speak."

He glared at her for a moment, then shook his head. "Oi, you're frustrating." He pushed her head back down before she could form a retort. _I really wish he'd stop doing that._ He cleared his throat. "Kagome, you are a miko."

"Really?" She didn't try to hide the sarcasm in her voice. _What does that have to do with anything? And he says _I'm _frustrating._

"Let me finish, damn it." He squeezed her shoulder for emphasis. "You are a miko, and I am half youkai."

_Does this have something to do with people's prejudice against hanyous? He should know me better than that. _She hastened to reassure him. "That doesn't matter to me. I..."

"Idiot! It does matter," he snapped. Kagome fell silent. "When a miko...lies with a youkai, her powers are destroyed. Understand?"

_What? That doesn't make any sense, though. "_But...Kikyo was a miko."

He shifted uncomfortably. "I was never with Kikyo that way. We were waiting until I was human."

"But you were human that night."

"It doesn't matter. I'm still a hanyou. I still had my demon blood. I couldn't seal your power, but my youki marked yours. Do you see?"

_About as well as a blind man in a cave. What is he talking about? "_No, I don't see."

Inuyasha groaned faintly, then sighed. "Kagome, do you remember what happened when you were fighting the youkai before you fainted?"

"I didn't faint," she said, indignant.

He growled. "Do you remember?"

A memory of unbearable, blinding pain flashed through her head, and she hastily shoved it aside. "Yes. I was trying to shoot one of my arrows, but it hurt." _That could win an Understatement of the Year Award. It felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside._

He nodded, hugging her lightly. Kagome couldn't help but wonder if he even realized he was doing it. "You see?"

_Oh good grief, why can't he just come right out and say whatever it is he's trying to say? My head's starting to hurt. "_Inuyasha, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Kaede said that if the youkai's poison hadn't knocked you out, you'd be dead now. Your miko energy was trying to destroy you."

_Okay. Is that all?_ She pondered that for a moment. _Alright, so maybe that's not such a small thing, but still... _"I survived, though, so that's good, right? I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at."

Inuyasha swore. "It'll happen again."

Kagome was thoroughly confused. "What do you mean?"

Inuyasha's arms tightened around her, and his head dropped to rest atop hers. "Kagome, it's killing you."

_Oh._ Kagome froze. _So I'm going to die? Well, then. I guess I screwed up more than I thought, huh?_ She tried to think of something to say, but couldn't. Her thoughts were too scattered. It was a moment before she realized that Inuyasha was speaking.

"That's why I'm sorry," he finished, then waited. She still couldn't think of anything to say. "Kagome?"

She looked up at him.

"Say something. Are you alright?"

He was looking at her fearfully, and she realized that he was expecting her to fall apart, and was apparently dreading it. She shook her head, then changed her mind and nodded. His eyes began to show serious concern, and she realized that she was making no sense. She struggled to pull her thoughts together. "Yes, I'm fine," she managed after a minute. Inuyasha had begun rubbing small circles on her back, and it served to center her a little. "Thank you, Inuyasha, for telling me," she continued absently.

Kagome felt faintly numb. _I'm going to die? Why am I not freaking out? Is this what shock feels like?_

Inuyasha was still rubbing her back, and she decided to focus on that, instead. It felt good. _Why is he being so nice to me?_ He cleared his throat, and she glanced up at him. "You shouldn't be afraid or anything. Kaede said that we could fix it."

"Really?" She asked, not really hearing him. Inuyasha was still petting her absentmindedly.

"She said that since you still had some control, that there might be a chance to save you. I swear, Kagome, we'll figure it out." Kagome noticed that his voice sounded strained. _Is he...worried?_ _Maybe he does care a little bit._ Then it struck her: even if he did care, it wouldn't matter soon. She was going to die. The numb feeling began to wear off.

Feeling as if she were drowning, she reached out a hand to him, looking for support. "Inuyasha," she said, voice catching. He caught her hand and looked at her, a mournful look on his face. She felt moisture begin to fill her eyes and began to tremble. His eyes softened, and he pulled her to his chest, smoothing his hand over her head and rocking her gently.

"Gods, I'm sorry, Kagome," he whispered into her hair. "I should have told you before. I knew what would happen if we ever...but I never thought..." his voice trailed off as she began to cry in earnest. "I'm sorry," he said again, and then just held her, patting her awkwardly.

She gripped his hoari in both hands and tried to come to terms with what he had told her. It was hard, but she began to piece her control together bit by bit. Finally, her tears turned to watery hiccups, and she began to feel embarrassed for her outburst. _Come on, Kagome. He said that there might be a way to cure you. No use in burying yourself yet. _She took several deep breaths, trying to gather herself. "So," she said finally, voice subdued but fairly steady, considering. "Kaede thinks there might be a solution."

She felt him nod above her. "Miroku, Sango...we're all trying. We'll figure something out, Kagome."

Kagome looked up at him, seeing the earnestness on his face, mixed with tenderness and worry. Her breath caught. _He really does care._ Entranced by the emotion in his eyes, she began leaning toward him.

His expression changed to startled. "What are you doing?"

She leaned closer, until her mouth was just a breath from his. "Kissing you," she said, before brushing her lips softly over his own.

He was quiet for a moment, staring down at her. "Haven't you been listening?"

Kagome dropped her gaze, shifting nervously on his lap. "Didn't you like it?"

She heard him sigh. "Kagome," he said, catching her chin in his clawed hand. "We can't do this. Don't you understand? We can't be together. Not like that."

Kagome began to get angry. Her eyes flew to meet his. "Why? Why can't we be together, Inuyasha? The worst has already happened!"

He didn't answer her right away. He stared at her, seeming to be struggling with something. Finally, he spoke. "Tell me, Kagome. Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" She asked, but she knew very well what he was asking. He knew that she knew, too, for he simply waited for her to answer. She sighed. _I have nothing else to lose. I might as well tell him._ She looked away. "I was selfish. I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for you, but I wasn't. You were calling out for Kikyo, but I just used it for an excuse. I wanted to be with you...even if it was only that once."

"You," he began, hesitantly. "You wanted me? You didn't do it because you felt sorry for me?"

She blinked up at him. "No! I love you," she said, shocked that he would think she would give herself to him out of some sort of pity, and even more shocked that she had blurted out that she had loved him. She noticed his answering look of surprise, but it didn't stop her tirade. "Why would I pity you? I love you, and you said that you...you said..." She stopped. _Idiot. He didn't say he loved you. He said he wanted you. There's a big difference._ She stared at him, wide-eyed.

Inuyasha seemed to read her thoughts. "Don't think like that, Kagome. You know better. I...care...about you," he said, obviously uncomfortable.

She felt a twinge that he hadn't returned her words, but was still relieved that he hadn't just taken what was offered because it was there. "So, then," she said, choosing her words carefully this time. "Do you not want to...be with me...the way I want to be with you?"

"Kagome," he began, but then just stopped, staring at her. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't know what to say. How can you ask me this? This is crazy, Kagome. Don't you care that you're dying?"

"Of course I care," she cried, then turned away. _I just keep making a fool of myself, don't I? _She sniffed, fixing her gaze on the wall.

Inuyasha tried to pull her back to him, but she resisted. He didn't press the issue this time. He closed his eyes. "Damn it. I was supposed to be comforting you, not upsetting you."

_He wants to comfort me? _She stole another glance at him. He looked dejected. She felt a pang in her heart. She reached out tentatively, touching the back of his hand. He jumped slightly, eyes opening. "Thank you," she said, softly. His eyes held hers for a moment, then he nodded slowly. Kagome gave him a weak smile, then froze when she heard the sniffling coming from the hanyou's neck. _Wait a minute...his neck?_

"It's so...so..." came a voice from the same region. Kagome's eyes widened.

"Myouga," Inuyasha growled before slapping the flea youkai flat. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Lord Inuyasha," Myouga cried as soon as he could breathe again. "I could not help but overhear your conversation with Lady Kagome." Kagome felt her face flame in embarrassment. _Can this get any more humiliating?_

Inuyasha bared his fangs at the flea. "Myouga...!" His fingers were already moving to squish the tiny demon.

"Wait! Wait, Lord Inuyasha," the flea said, cringing. "I can help you."

Kagome took pity on Inuyasha's retainer, picking him up in her palm. "Let him speak, Inuyasha."

Myouga beamed up at her. "Thank you, Lady Kagome. I have always remarked upon your kindness."

"Talk, flea," Inuyasha said, impatient.

Myouga puffed up, looking quite proud of himself. "I know of a way to save Lady Kagome."

"How?" Inuyasha and Kagome both spoke at once.

Myouga hopped to the hanyou's shoulder, pausing dramatically before whispering loudly in Inuyasha's ear. "Why, the same way that your father saved your mother."

* * *

Jaken had rushed back to his master as soon as he had overheard the monk and the demon exterminator speaking by the river near the human village. They had not known he was there, and he had discovered what he fervently hoped would be useful information for his lord. He could be...difficult when displeased. _And he's nearly always displeased._ Jaken hid a frown and hurried to give his report. 

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I have news for you of the hanyou."

Sesshoumaru merely arched an aristocratic eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

Jaken pulled himself up a little straighter. "Apparently, your...er...he has defiled the miko."

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed, and Jaken knew he had his full attention. "Explain."

"She is unclean now. They say that she will die."

Sesshoumaru was silent for a long moment, and Jaken began to feel uncomfortable underneath his gaze. "How did you learn this?"

Jaken pulled nervously at the collar of his robe. "The entire village where they live is whispering about it. I became curious, so I followed two of the hanyou's traveling companions. I overheard them talking."

"I see." Sesshoumaru's expression became unreadable, and he turned away, motioning for Rin, who had been playing just out of earshot, to follow. "Come, Jaken. We must prepare."

Jaken hurried to catch up with his master, who was already striding away, the little girl skipping along beside him. "Prepare for what, my lord?"

Sesshoumaru glanced over his shoulder at his retainer. "Inuyasha will be paying us a visit soon."

Jaken sputtered, forgetting himself. "Whatever for?"

Sesshoumaru didn't turn around. "I have something that he will want."

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	12. Chapter Twelve

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Chapter warnings: Adult situation, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

"Your mother was a miko, Lord Inuyasha," Myouga said. Inuyasha gaped at him.

_No she wasn't. "_What are you talking about?"

"Your mother was a miko," the flea demon repeated. "Did you never wonder how it was that she could cast barrier spells to protect you both when your father was away?"

_She did...do that a few times. I remember._

Inuyasha was stunned. Now that the flea had mentioned it, he could remember other things that his mother could do that no normal human could have been capable of. "I never thought about it. No one ever said anything." He felt a bit hurt at this thought, but pushed the feeling away as something occurred to him. "Wait a minute. If she was a miko, how could she have any powers after I was born? Shouldn't they have been sealed?"

"I'm getting to that, Lord Inuyasha. Please be patient." The flea demon hopped from Inuyasha's shoulder to the ground, turning to face Kagome. "Lord Inuyasha's mother was a very powerful miko, Lady Kagome, much like yourself, although she had been trained from the time she was a child."

Inuyasha noticed that Kagome blushed at this. He knew that her lack of control over her power was a sore spot for her. He shot Myouga a glare for bringing it up. The flea didn't see it, so he reached out a hand, thinking to pinch him a bit to remind him to watch his tongue.

Kagome stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Myouga, how _did_ Inuyasha's mother retain her power?"

The flea looked pleased that she had asked. "That requires a bit of storytelling, but I'd be happy to be of service."

Inuyasha clenched his jaw. "Just get on with it."

Kagome shot him a reproving glare. "Go ahead, Myouga."

Myouga cleared his throat. "Inuyasha's mother was a very powerful, very beautiful miko..."

"You said that already," Inuyasha interrupted, eyebrow twitching.

Myouga huffed. "I am aware, Lord Inuyasha. You continue to interrupt me."

_I swear, sometimes I hate that flea._ Inuyasha crossed his arms and glared at him.

Acting offended, Myouga turned his back on Inuyasha and addressed Kagome. "As I was saying, his mother, Izuyoi, was a miko. When his father first met her, he was smitten with her beauty and sweet nature, and she returned his affections. It was very nearly love at first sight. However, they each knew that they could not be together, for it was forbidden. Inuyasha's mother was willing to give up being a miko for his father, but Lord Inutaishou would not hear of it. He did not want their mating to cause her loss, nor did he want to leave her without a means to protect herself when he could not be with her. So he rebuffed her, even though it nearly broke his heart."

"How sad," Kagome murmured. Inuyasha rolled his eyes. _Softhearted wench._

"Yes, it was very tragic," Myouga agreed. "Regardless, they continued to meet, as Inutaishou would pass by Izuyoi's village at nearly the same time every year. They built a strong friendship, and their love for each other continued to grow. One year, Izuyoi was waiting for Inuyasha's father to appear, and when he did, she saw that he had been gravely wounded, and was nearly dead on his feet. He had instinctively made his way to her. Inuyasha's mother was stricken, and called out to him. Upon hearing her voice, the great lord collapsed. She pulled him to safety in a nearby cave, and cared for him for the next two weeks." Myouga turned to the hanyou. "This was a brave thing for your mother to do, Inuyasha. She was still very young, and all alone, for she would trust none of the villagers near him. They respected Lord Inutaishou, but they feared him as well, and she worried that they would try to kill him."

"He was injured that badly?" Inuyasha interrupted.

The flea nodded. "Yes. His youki had very nearly been depleted, so his wounds would not heal. It was done by the same demon that eventually killed him."

_I never knew he had fought the beast more than once. I suppose I don't know a lot of things. _Inuyasha blinked, wanting to speak, but he could think of nothing to say.

Kagome must have noticed, for she put her hand over Inuyasha's. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

He pulled his hand from hers. "Feh. It's not like I ever knew him." He turned away, staring at the wall.

He heard her sigh. "Continue, please, Myouga," she said.

"Yes, of course," the flea said. "Inuyasha's mother did not leave his side the entire time. She was terribly afraid that he would die, and was near brokenhearted. He was horribly weak, and soon succumbed to the fever. Izuyoi believed that she would lose him, and did not want to let him go. Her stress must have been very great, for she threw away a lifetime of teaching, and gave herself to him. In his delirium, Inutaishou accepted the girl, for he had desired her for years, and they mated."

Kagome and Inuyasha both gawked at him. _That sounds...familiar._ Inuyasha didn't know what to think.

Myouga nodded at them. "Yes, it is very similar to your situation. It seems that the hand of fate is at work here."

Inuyasha snorted. _Hand of fate? More like the hand of impulsive women._

Myouga ignored him and continued. "The same thing happened to Izuyoi as has happened to Kagome. Her powers were not sealed. Instead, they began to rage out of control, attacking her when she tried to strengthen the barrier shield around the cave they were sheltering in. She collapsed, and this is how Lord Inutaishou found her two days later, when he was finally well enough to be aware of his surroundings. He knew immediately what had happened."

This time it was Kagome who interrupted. "But why wasn't her miko energy sealed? Inuyasha's father had no human blood."

Myouga seemed to ponder this. "When Inuyasha is human, his youki is very weak, as was Lord Inutaishou's on that night. I can only assume that it was this that caused the malfunction."

Kagome nodded. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Assuredly," agreed the flea. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Lord Inutaishou was grief-stricken. He vowed that his lady would not die, and, after returning her to her village with firm instructions that no harm was to come to her, he scoured the countryside, consulting with every miko and wise woman he could find, hoping to discover a way to save her. Finally, he was led to an old witch who lived in the mountains to the north. This witch had the answer he sought."

Inuyasha's ears twitched toward the flea. "What do you mean? My father consorted with a witch to save my mother?"

"Not that sort of witch, Lord Inuyasha. 'Twas simply a woman wise in potions and mundane arts of use to both humans and youkai. She was not malevolent."

Inuyasha still didn't like the sound of it. The only experience he had had with witches involved him or his friends nearly getting killed. "Who is this woman?"

Myouga scratched his balding head. "I'm not quite sure. In any case, I am sure that she would be dead by now. She was quite old already when your father saw her."

"That's alright, Myouga," Kagome said. "What happened next?"

"The witch gave him what he sought in exchange for a boon. I do not know what that boon was, but I do know that Lord Inutaishou did not hesitate to agree to the terms if it would save his beloved," Myouga said. "He left the witch's home and hurried back to Izuyoi. She agreed to undergo the healing process, and it was successful. She was saved." Myouga finished.

"The healing process?" Kagome asked.

"Yes," Myouga said, lowering his voice. "It worked in tandem with both Inutaishou and Izuyoi's auras. It was administered during the formal mating ritual."

Inuyasha's eyes widened, as did Kagome's. _Formal mating ritual?_

"What, exactly, was it that the witch gave him?" Inuyasha asked.

Myouga looked down. "I don't know, Lord Inuyasha."

"What the hell do you mean, you don't know? How is that supposed to help us at all if you don't even know what it is?" Inuyasha was growing angry. _This has been a fucking waste of time. _

Myouga looked insulted. "I said I don't know _what _it is, Lord Inuyasha, not that I didn't know _where_ it is."

_Okay, now we're getting somewhere._ "Fine. Where is it?"

"Your father gave it to Sesshoumaru."

_I should have fucking known. _He gave a frustrated growl. _Like that bastard is just going to hand it over to me._ His thoughts were interrupted by Kagome.

"What is," she began, voice faint. She cleared her throat and began again. "What is the formal mating ritual?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Inuyasha asked, two spots of color appearing high on his cheekbones.

Kagome gave him an annoyed look. "No. If it was I wouldn't have asked."

_Is she serious?_ He gave her speaking look, raising one eyebrow. She just looked at him, waiting. _Figures that the fucking flea won't help me out here. Damn it, does she want me to spell it out? Fine._ "It's sex, Kagome. Formal, ritualistic sex. It's a youkai custom. You would be bound to me for life." His blush intensified, but he held her gaze. _She needs to understand what she's getting into. That is, if I can get whatever the hell it is from my fucking half-brother. Goddammit, can nothing ever be easy? Just once. That's all I ask._

He was pulled from his thoughts by Myouga. "Actually, Lord Inuyasha, it is much more than that, at least in this case. In order to heal Kagome, you must bind her soul to yours. She will not be only be bound to you for life, but beyond. Kagome's natural lifespan will be extended to match yours, but if one of you dies, the other will follow soon after. The souls will stay together, even in the afterlife."

Inuyasha blanched. _If I die, she goes with me? _"Is that the only way you know of, Myouga?" He asked softly, stealing a sidelong glance at Kagome.

She remained silent.

Myouga nodded. "I'm afraid so, my lord."

Kagome spoke then, a bright smile on her face. It was too bright. "I'm sure that we can put our heads together and think of something else, but thank you for trying to help, Myouga."

Inuyasha looked at her, hard. He wasn't thrilled with Myouga's solution, but he knew what had to be done. It galled him that she would dismiss it so easily. "What are you saying?"

She patted his hand soothingly, smile not reaching her eyes. "It's alright, Inuyasha. I don't expect you to do that. Really."

Inuyasha's ears went back, feeling anger and hurt blossom in his chest. _I forgot. Lying with me when I was human is a hell of a lot different from having a hanyou mate permanently. _

_But...she said...she... she said she was mine. She said she loved me. _He clenched his hands into fists, claws digging into his palms.

_Not that much, I guess._

"I see." _Damn it. Would she really rather die? _

Kagome grabbed his sleeve, hanging on even when he tried to shake her off. "I don't think you do," she said. "Aren't you forgetting something? Or someone?"

His eyes widened in realization, then narrowed to mere slits. _Don't say it. Don't you dare._

Kagome made a sound of frustration. "Kikyo, Inuyasha. Aren't you forgetting Kikyo?"

Inuyasha noted the trace of pain in her voice, but he was too angry to care. _Forgetting her? How could I? She's shoved in my face by everyone I see. Can they not fucking understand? Can she not fucking understand? I have a goddamned duty to Kikyo. I got her killed. But I have a duty to Kagome, too, and I'll be damned if I'll have her death on my conscience._ Bitterness washed through him. He knew it was irrational, but he wanted to smash something. He made to leave the room before he lost it, but Kagome still had a firm grip on his sleeve. He snapped, rounding on her so quickly that she gave a small cry of surprise. He ignored it. "No, Kagome. I haven't forgotten Kikyo. I'm not the one that needs to forget her," he hissed, jaw clenched tight. He leaned his face close to hers, feeling a contrary spurt of satisfaction when she flinched away from him. "Stop trying to think for me, Kagome. You suck at it. Do you know why you suck at it?" He didn't wait for an answer, but plowed ahead, blocking out the sight of her stricken expression. "I'll tell you why, Kagome. It's because you think you know me, but you don't. In reality, you don't know me at all," he said, voice deadly quiet, then jerked his arm away and turned to leave the hut. Pausing at the door, he took one last parting shot, not turning around. "Maybe you should remember who created this mess, Kagome, because it sure as hell wasn't me."

He was expecting it when he heard her cry, "Sit!" He didn't say a word, simply waited until the spell wore off, picked himself up from the floor, and walked out the door.

* * *

Kagome sat in the empty hut alone, lost in thought. Myouga had given her a sympathetic look after Inuyasha had stormed off, but had soon followed him. She didn't know where the others were, and it was getting dark. She supposed they were trying to give her time to talk to Inuyasha, and didn't realize he had left.

_"Maybe you should remember who created this mess, Kagome, because it sure as hell wasn't me."_

Kagome sniffled, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "I know that, Inuyasha," she whispered to the empty room. "That's why I can't let you fix it. I've caused you enough problems."

She sniffled one last time, then straightened her spine, a determined light coming into her eyes. "I'll fix this myself. I can try the library in my time. Surely there has to be a legend or something that would help." She got up and left the hut, beginning the trek to the Bone Eater's well.

No one saw her leave.

* * *

Inuyasha watched the last rays of sunlight filter through the leaves of the tree he was perched in, painting the air around him an iridescent green. It was a peaceful color, and the surrounding forest was quiet, save for the sounds of the birds and other small creatures. He inhaled deeply and tried to relax, but it was impossible. He was wound too tight, and had been all day. He closed his eyes, having developed a rather nasty headache. His conversation with Myouga and Kagome would not stop replaying in his mind, and he was still reeling from the news that his mother had been a miko, but that wasn't what was troubling him the most.

It was Kagome.

_Isn't it always?_

"She's a stupid wench," he told the trees. They didn't answer. "Feh."

He didn't know what to do, and he hated the feeling. Combined with the sick knot of worry in his stomach, it was driving him mad. He also felt rather guilty for losing his temper with her. What she had said still irritated him, but, deep down, he knew that she hadn't been rejecting him, just as he knew that she was under a lot of stress right now. He understood that she was insecure about his relationship with Kikyo, and he was well aware that he had done nothing to ease that insecurity over the years. But still...

_I'm so sick of hearing about Kikyo. Damn it. Why can't she see that?_

"It's not Kikyo," he whispered.

_It's not._

_Damn it, it's me._

"You'd think she'd have noticed the reception hanyous get around here. I'm not exactly welcome anywhere. Not with humans or demons. How can I drag her into that?"

_It's bad enough that she's associated with me, already. Maybe she doesn't notice the whispers we cause in some of the villages we go to, but I do. I can hear them. They disrespect her, and it would only get worse if she were my mate._ He realized he was growling, and cut himself off with a grimace.

_But she'll die if I don't claim her. What do I do?_

_Maybe...if I turn human when we complete the Shikon Jewel, they'll leave her alone? I...I was going to for Kikyo. Why not for Kagome?_

His mind quickly supplied the answer._ Because you wouldn't be able to protect her then, idiot. What good would it do to save her, only to lose her later? You know that once you become human, every demon you've ever pissed off is going to come looking for a piece of you._

He closed his eyes again, remembering the constant look of pain and loneliness his mother had worn. Once his father had died, she had been completely alone, save for Inuyasha. No one would have anything to do with her. _How could my father have done that to her? How can I do that to Kagome?_

_But if you don't, she'll die._

"I'm not my fucking father."

_Is that a good thing? Your father did what had to be done to save your mother._

"Keh. She doesn't know," he said aloud, startling a bird that had settled on a nearby branch. "She has no idea what her life will be like."

_At least she would have a life._

"Maybe there's another way?"

_You know better. She'll die._

Inuyasha snorted. "If I take her, she'll wish she were dead later." He ran a hand over his face, making a tired sound. _She'll die,_ his heart whispered one last time. He groaned, dropping his face into his hands.

_Idiot. If she dies, what will you do?_ Inuyasha saw, suddenly, in his mind's eye, Kagome, cold and still, gone from him forever. He shook his head to clear it of the vision, hating the sweat that had broken out on his body and the weakness it signified. Unbidden, another image came to Inuyasha, this time of the quiet earnestness on Kagome's face when she had told him that she loved him.

_"Do you not...want to be with me...the way I want to be with you?"_

"Stupid wench."

Inuyasha sighed. _I don't really have a choice, do I?_ He gripped the branch he was on to still the trembling in his hands, gathering his resolve. He took a deep breath, then dropped soundlessly to the ground.

He was just in time to see Kagome disappearing into the trees in front of him.

_Oh good fucking grief. No you don't, not again._ He knew she was running away again, but this time, he knew that she couldn't. _You aren't going anywhere, Kagome. _He set out after her.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Chapter warnings: Adult situation, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Kagome was only a few meters from the well when something red and white streaked by her with chilling speed, coming to a stop between her and her destination. Kagome stumbled to a halt. _Inuyasha._ The hanyou looked pissed off. She tensed, eyeing him nervously. _Can't I do _anything _without him finding out?_

"Oi, wench! Where the hell do you think you're going?" The setting sun blazing behind him made him look larger than life, but Kagome was in not in a state of mind to appreciate the view.

She bristled at his tone in spite of herself, and met his eyes, her own flashing with fear and indignation. _Why does he even bother to ask? He knows exactly where I'm going._ "I'm going home, Inuyasha," she said, trying to sound firm.

To her further aggravation, he simply shook his head at her. "I don't think so, Kagome." He began stalking toward her, and she threw up a hand to ward him off.

"Stop right there, Inuyasha, or I'll say it. You know I will." _Why does he have to be so stubborn about this? You'd think he'd be glad that I'm leaving._

He stopped, but she didn't like the expression he wore. He looked irritated, to be sure, but what truly worried her was the look of dark satisfaction that played across his features. _What's he planning?_ She began speaking to cover her unease. She hated having to beg him to _allow_ her to return to her own time, but she didn't see any way out of it at the moment. "Please, Inuyasha. I'll be back in a day or two," she began, hurrying to continue when his expression became thunderous. "I need to go. I think I might be able to find a solution to this...situation...in one of the books in my time."

He frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "No."

Kagome gaped at him. "No? What do you mean, no?"

He shrugged. "I mean no, you aren't going."

Kagome felt slightly ill. _He isn't even going to let me go if it'll save me? Why? Is he that angry?_ "Inuyasha...," she began in a quiet voice, then lowered her voice even more, "Please."

Inuyasha's eyes darkened, and he took another step toward her. "You don't need a book, Kagome. We already know what to do."

_That again? I thought we'd settled this._ "We've been through this, Inuyasha. I can't ask you to do that."

He was shaking his head even before she finished. "We have no choice, Kagome."

Kagome felt like screaming. "And that's why we're not going to do it, Inuyasha. I didn't do this to trap you. It's not your problem." Remembering his parting shot to her earlier with not a little anger and hurt, she snapped, "My mess, remember? I'll clean it up myself."

Inuyasha visibly flinched, and his frown deepened. "Dammit, Kagome," he began, moving closer to her.

She backed quickly away. "No! I'm not going to let you ruin your life just because I screwed up. Stop it," she yelled, as he made to lunge at her. _Run now,_ her mind supplied helpfully. "Sit!" He crashed to the ground just out of her reach, cursing viciously. She hurried around him, reaching the lip of the well and heaving herself over it. Looking back over her shoulder she found him fighting the subduing spell and trying to lever himself up, amber eyes piercing hers even from this distance. _Now, before he gets up._

Inuyasha was yelling at her. "Kagome, no!"

She ignored him, pushing herself off and dropping into the well. She heard him call her name again as she fell, and tried to block out his voice, waiting for the flash of light that signified she had entered her time. It never came. Instead, she hit the bottom of the well with bone-jarring force, emitting a cry of pain. The curses above her resumed with renewed vigor, and she again heard Inuyasha calling her name, frantically now.

_What...what just happened? Why am I still here?_ She sat, unmoving, mind whirling, not even budging when Inuyasha jumped into the well, disappearing when he should have touched bottom. A moment later, he was back before her. _Inuyasha can still go through...why can't I? What's going on? _She began to be afraid, and turned confused eyes up to the hanyou who was now crouching before her.

"Kagome?" He asked, searching her face. She didn't answer. Grunting, he slipped his hands under her arms, pulling her up and, with a graceful leap, lifted her out of the well. He set her down gently on the grass, wrapping one hand firmly around her wrist. She stared at him mutely. _Why doesn't he seem surprised?_

His eyes were scanning her body anxiously, but finally he seemed satisfied, and lifted his gaze to her face. Still, he asked, "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, blinking up at him. _He's not surprised. He's not. He knows why the well won't work for me, doesn't he?_ "Inuyasha," she said, voice strained. "Why?"

His face flushed, and he looked uncomfortable, but he said nothing.

_I'm not going to like his explanation, am I?_

"Why, Inuyasha?" She repeated.

He sighed, and looked pointedly at her neck. _What?_ She followed his line of sight, looking down at her own chest. There, looking completely innocuous, was a set of prayer beads, nearly identical to his own. _Are those...?_

"Inuyasha?" She tried, but she couldn't keep the hint of panic from her voice. She returned her gaze to his and felt her panic increase at the faintly pitying look she found there. "Inuyasha, are these what I think they are?" Her voice rose with each word, causing the hanyou to flatten his ears against his head.

His hand tightened around her wrist before he answered. "It's a subduing spell. It keeps your power from working, and that includes going through the well," he said, finishing quietly, "It's for your own safety, Kagome."

Kagome's eyes widened and she chewed on that for a moment. _It makes sense, I suppose. I...don't have much control, so I guess I should have something to keep from killing myself accidentally._ A disturbing thought occurred to her. _But how...who?_ She narrowed her eyes at Inuyasha, who was looking more uncomfortable by the minute. "How do I get them off, Inuyasha?"

"You can't," he answered, pointedly refusing to meet her eyes.

_Of course not. I didn't really expect to be able to. But still..._ "Who _can_ take them off, Inuyasha?"

No mistaking it now...he didn't want to look her in the eye when he answered. _No...surely not._ He cleared his throat lightly. "I can."

Kagome felt her eye begin to twitch. "_You_ can?"

He looked at her then, and she saw a bit of trepidation in his eyes. "Yes."

Kagome was appalled. _I'm never going to get to go home again._

_

* * *

_

"I'm never going to get to go home again, am I?"

Inuyasha looked on in horror as Kagome's chin began to quiver. _Shit, don't cry._

She was fairly radiating distress, and in a bid to calm her, he reached out, snagging her other wrist with his free hand, pulling her closer to him. "Kagome, I'll take them off as soon as we're mated. I promise," he said, hoping that this would reassure her.

It didn't. She tried to yank her hands away, and he tightened his grip. Finally she stilled, turning glittering eyes up to him. "I told you, Inuyasha, we're not mating!"

Inuyasha felt a return of his earlier anger. "Why the hell not? Are you going to tell me that you'd really rather die than be bound to me?"

She stared at him, looking shocked. "It's not that, Inuyasha! I..."

He interrupted her, feeling as though a dam had burst somewhere inside him. "Well, that's too damn bad, Kagome. You're not going to die because of me. I am perfectly aware that being stuck with me isn't what you wanted, but you should have thought of that before you gave yourself to me. You should have thought of that before you told me that you were mine!" He was in her face now, nearly shaking in his anger, and it pushed him to play his trump card. "What if you are carrying my pup, Kagome? Will you let it die as well?"

He watched, anger receding, leaving him feeling slightly guilty as the color drained from her face and she slumped against him. "I...I didn't think..." she said, trailing off.

"Yeah, I noticed," he drawled out, but pulled her into his arms, letting his chin rest against her hair. He inhaled her scent, his anger gone now. "I don't want you to die, Kagome. I couldn't...I couldn't...Please don't put me through that."

He heard her inhale, then she was burying her face in the crook of his neck. He could feel her tears, hot against his skin. He gathered her closer, hoping to soothe her. "I'm sorry," he heard her murmur.

He shook his head, then realized she couldn't see it. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did earlier. It wasn't your fault. It was both of us. I was just angry." _And scared_. He felt her flinch, and he cursed himself mentally. "Kagome," he said gently, "I was mostly angry at myself. You didn't know the consequences. I did. I'm to blame. I should have warned you."

She made a small sound. "It's _not_ your fault. How could you have known you even needed to warn me?" She mumbled against his skin. Inuyasha shivered.

"Kagome," he murmured, figuring that she deserved at least this much truth, "I've wanted you for a long time. There was a good chance that this would have happened eventually, anyway, and it would have been completely my fault. Stop beating yourself up."

She didn't look up at him, but she stopped crying, much to his relief. "Really? You aren't just saying that? You really wanted me?"

He squeezed her lightly. "Yes. So much, that sometimes I thought I'd go crazy."

She seemed to mull this over for a minute before speaking again. "Do you...do you still want me?"

Inuyasha chuckled darkly. "Yes," he said simply, then fell silent.

Kagome began playing idly with his hair where it lay against his chest. "I don't know what to do."

He dropped a kiss to the top of her head, hating to hear her so uncertain. "Yes you do; you trust me. It'll work out, Kagome. You'll see."

She turned watery eyes to him. "How can you be so sure?"

He pulled back enough to smooth the hair from her face. "I'll make it work out."

She didn't look convinced, and he didn't know what else to say to reassure her. Instead, he took a deep breath, then lowered his face to hers, watching her intently as he did so. Her eyes widened as he touched his mouth to hers softly, and he waited a moment to see if she'd push him away. She didn't. Instead, she exhaled with a quiet sigh, closing her eyes. _She tastes...sweet. Kagome... _His own eyes drifted closed, and he increased the pressure of his lips, brushing them across hers once, twice, three times, before lifting his head to look at her. She blinked her eyes open and stared at him, questions skirting across her face, but she didn't ask them. He was disappointed and glad at the same time.

"I'll make it work," he repeated, trying to inject a note of confidence into his voice. "We can do this, Kagome."

Her eyes searched his for a moment, then, hesitantly, she nodded, laying her head back down on his shoulder.

Inuyasha tightened his arms around her, not trying to stop the relief that filled him. He let it push away the fear. _I'll take care of you, Kagome. I promise._

_

* * *

_

Inuyasha had returned her to Kaede's village just in time for dinner, shooting glares at the others in their group when they had crowded around her. They had backed off without argument, allowing Kagome and Inuyasha to eat their meals in relative peace inside the tiny hut. Kagome was grateful. She barely knew what to think herself, much less what to tell her friends.

Kagome hadn't felt much like eating, but Inuyasha had stubbornly insisted. Not wanting to argue with him, she had complied, but the food had made her slightly nauseous. She set her empty bowl aside and looked longingly at her pallet in the corner. _I'm so tired._

Inuyasha must have noticed, for he said, "Go to bed, Kagome," in a voice that brooked no argument. Again, she obeyed him without question, not noticing the curious glances they were receiving from Miroku and Sango.

Shippou was already curled up with Kilarra, asleep. Kagome didn't want to disturb him, so she went to her pallet alone, bidding Kaede, Sango, and Miroku a quiet goodnight. They were equally subdued when they returned it, and Kagome sighed to herself. _I suppose I'll have to explain what's happening soon. I am _not _looking forward to it._ She sat down on the blanket and began pulling off her shoes, pausing when Inuyasha came to her, lowering himself to sit on his haunches before her.

"I'll be back sometime in the morning. Do _not_ leave the village, Kagome," he said.

_In the morning?_ "Where are you going?" She asked, hating the anxiety that had crept into her voice.

His mouth flattened into a thin line, but the expression in his eyes was almost tender. Kagome blinked. "I'm going to see Sesshoumaru," he said, flatly.

_Sesshoumaru...I had forgotten his part in this._ Her hand flew to her throat, encountering the beads there. "Do you have to go right now? Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

He shook his head. "I need to get it over with," he said. "We don't know how long...how much time we have."

_How much time we have until I die. _She suppressed an unhappy frown. "Are you sure you should go alone, Inuyasha? What if he attacks you?"

"Feh," he said, a bit of the customary arrogance returning to his voice. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?" He folded his arms and glared at her, letting her know that she had offended him.

"It's not that, Inuyasha," she said, voice rising slightly. "I just don't like the thought of you going alone. At least let me go with you."

He gave her an incredulous look. "What good would you do, wench? Your arrows are useless now." Somebody gasped in the background, probably Sango.

Kagome felt as if he had slapped her. She lowered her head, not wanting anyone to see the humiliation that burned across her face.

She heard him curse softly. "I didn't mean it like that, Kagome," he said in a low voice. "I don't want him anywhere near you, alright? At least not until you can protect yourself again."

Kagome nodded, but didn't look up at him. She heard him sigh, then get up and walk away from her.

"Kaede, don't let her leave the village. I'll be back in the morning." Kaede grunted in reply, and he was gone.

Carefully avoiding the questioning gazes of the others in the room, Kagome lay down, turning her back to all of them. She heard the quiet murmur of voices, and knew that they were discussing her and Inuyasha, but she just couldn't find it in herself to care at the moment. There was just too much to deal with, and she was tired of it all. Instead, she tried to focus on something more pleasant. _Like the fact that Inuyasha kissed me._

Smiling softly, she brought her hand to her lips, trying to remember the press of his mouth against them. _Why did he do that? Is there a chance that...?_ Kagome's eyes drifted closed, replaying the kiss in her mind again.

_Maybe...maybe it will work out. He says he wants me...maybe, if I try hard enough, I can make him love me, too._ With that thought, Kagome slipped into slumber.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	14. Chapter Fourteen

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Chapter notes: You may notice that Sesshoumaru is a bit OOC. Forgive me. The idea stuck in my head, and I just couldn't resist._

_Chapter warnings: Adult situations, language, angst._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Pale light from the half moon lit Inuyasha's path as he made his way through the forest in search of Sesshoumaru. It would not have been enough illumination for his human companions, but it was more than adequate for his sharper hanyou eyesight. Combined with his heightened sense of smell, he was fairly confident that he would find Sesshoumaru long before morning. _Especially since the bastard has been hovering close for the last day or so. He had better not be planning anything. I'm in no mood to deal with his shit right now._

Inuyasha broke stride as the breeze shifted, sniffing the air experimentally. His eyes hardened. _He's here._ Swiftly veering in the direction of the wind's origin, Inuyasha took to the trees, silently following his half-brother's scent.

Now that he had a clear trail to follow, Inuyasha's mind was free to roam, and it did, much to his dismay. Straight to Kagome. Waiting-for-him-in-the-village Kagome. Counting-on-him-to-save-her Kagome. Soon-to-be-his-mate Kagome. _Soon-to-be-dead Kagome, if you can't get Sesshoumaru to hand whatever-it-is over._ He wondered, for the hundredth time, just what the hell it was he was after, and why his father would have given it to Sesshoumaru, of all people. _Feh. The old man must have not known his oldest son very well, either, if he thought he'd ever mate with a human. Hell, I can't imagine that cold bastard ever mated to anyone, human or youkai._ He shuddered, nearly missing his step, at the thought of a litter of tiny Sesshoumarus running around, plaguing him. "Gods, I hope I never have to hear 'Uncle Inuyasha' from a bunch of white-haired brats," he said aloud with a snort.

He was not so amused a second later when something wrapped around his ankle, jerking him down from the branch he had just landed on. He hit the ground on his back, the breath knocked from his lungs. He struggled to suck in air, eyes tracking to the irritated looking figure standing imperiously over him, re-coiling the whip he had just used to pull Inuyasha from his perch.

Inuyasha scrambled backwards and launched himself to his feet. His hand snapped to the hilt of Tetsusaiga, and he emitted a low-pitched growl. "Bastard! What did you do that for?"

Sesshoumaru looked down his slender nose at the hanyou. "Ignorant whelp. You have dishonored the name of our father."

Inuyasha felt the fine hairs at the back of his neck rise. "What?"

Sesshoumaru did not come any closer, but stood perfectly still, looking at Inuyasha as if he were something filthy he had almost stepped in. "You have defiled the miko, and made the both of you the talk of the countryside."

Inuyasha flushed angrily. "What's it to you?" _Has the bastard been spying on me?_

Sesshoumaru pulled himself even taller. "It is nothing to me, half-breed. What is it to you?"

Inuyasha took a fighting stance. "That's none of your fucking business."

"Is it not?" Sesshoumaru's face was expressionless as he asked the question. "Why, then, are you here, Inuyasha?"

_That bastard. He goddamned knows why I'm here. What game is he playing now?_ He loosened Tetsusaiga from its sheath with a flick of his thumb as fury flooded him. He would not let Sesshoumaru toy with him this way. Not over this. "Where is it, Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru merely arched a brow, managing to look bored.

Inuyasha snarled. "Don't play games with me, Sesshoumaru. I know father gave it to you. Hand it over." He pulled Tetsusaiga from its sheath completely, pointing it at his half-brother before it had finished transforming.

Sesshoumaru scowled at him.

_Well, at least that got a reaction. Sort of._

"Put your sword away, whelp," Sesshoumaru said, scorn clear in his voice. "I have no intention of fighting you."

Inuyasha stared at him for a moment, disbelieving. Sesshoumaru met his eyes, unblinking, but clearly annoyed. _He's up to something. _Finally, Inuyasha sheathed Tetsusaiga, although he remained tense. "Why?" He asked, eyeing the demon suspiciously.

Sesshoumaru's frown grew deeper. "I gave father my word," he intoned, and something in his voice reminded Inuyasha of Shippou's whining when he had to do something he didn't want to do.

_So that's it. _"Poor Sesshoumaru, having to help me out for a change. That must really stick in your craw, huh?" Inuyasha nearly snickered as he delivered the taunt, but managed to control it. No sense in pushing his luck. Sesshoumaru might decide to not be so cooperative after all, and while Inuyasha usually welcomed a fight with his sibling, he had more important things to be attending to. He could not, however, stop the smirk that stretched across his face. _Ha! At least the old man did something right._

"Hmm." Sesshoumaru's gaze blackened for a moment, before a rather sadistic light entered his eyes. "However," he continued, "There is a requirement."

Inuyasha's smirk vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "What requirement?" He asked tersely.

Sesshoumaru didn't answer immediately. Instead, while Inuyasha kept a wary eye on him, he made his way to a nearby stone, sitting himself down as if he were an emperor taking his throne. With a graceful flick of his hand, he motioned for Inuyasha to take a seat on the ground before him.

Inuyasha bristled in indignation. _No way will I sit in the dirt in front of him like a child...or one of his damned flunkies. What the hell is he on about?_ He glared at Sesshoumaru, throwing in a rumbling growl for good measure.

Sesshoumaru waited, unmoving.

Realizing that the bastard wasn't going to tell him anything until he complied, Inuyasha threw himself down on the grass with a huff, all the while imagining gutting his pompous half-brother in as many ways as he knew of.

_One of these days, I'm going to turn him into a rug._

Sesshoumaru shot him a look of distaste. "Control yourself, Inuyasha."

With a start, Inuyasha realized that he had been snarling again, and quickly got a hold on himself. He shoved aside a last, happy vision of Sesshoumaru's decapitated head rolling across the clearing, and took a calming breath. "I don't have time for this, Sesshoumaru. Just fucking get on with it."

"Very well," Sesshoumaru replied with something that almost sounded like amusement tinting his voice. "There is a requirement, hanyou, to you getting this." He pulled an object from his robes. It was a small, wooden box, only a couple of hand spans across, unlaquered, with no adornment.

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at it, but didn't reach for it. _Knowing Sesshoumaru, it's rigged with some sort of trap. _"What is it?"

Sesshoumaru reached around to the front of the box and flipped the small metal clasp fastened there. The box sprang open.

Inuyasha leaned forward in spite of himself, eyes widening slightly. Inside the box, lying on a cushion of blood red silk, were five thin hoops made of finely beaten gold, each engraved with symbols he did not recognize. One hoop was larger than the others. He gave Sesshoumaru a questioning look.

Sesshoumaru touched the largest hoop. "The collar." Inuyasha's eyes widened further. His half-brother ignored him, touching the next two hoops lying on the silk. "Wrist cuffs." He then indicated the final two hoops. "Ankle cuffs." His eyes returned to Inuyasha. "All designed to hamper the purifying power of a miko during mating, without inhibiting the youki itself." Sesshoumaru watched, seemingly fascinated, as a burgeoning blush colored the hanyou's face crimson.

Then he did something that damned near terrified Inuyasha.

He smiled at him.

_Holy shit._ Inuyasha felt nervous sweat begin to pool between his shoulder blades.

"Father's final requirement, Inuyasha, to which I reluctantly gave my word. Prepare yourself," he said, smile growing until his sharply curved canines were visible, a look of unholy amusement settling on his patrician features.

Inuyasha's had to resist the urge to scoot backwards, away from that disturbing look. _I don't think I like where this is headed._

"Whelp, it is time for you to learn Inu youkai mating tradition."

_Shit. The Talk...from Sesshoumaru?_

_Fucking kill me now._

_

* * *

_

Miroku came awake slowly, blinking around in the predawn glow inside the tiny hut. He didn't know what had disturbed his sleep; he sensed no movement inside the room. He began to roll over, hoping to return to the very pleasant dream he had been having involving a certain, attractive demon exterminator. Instead, as he turned, he caught sight of the female of his dreams sitting with her back against the wall, staring blankly in front of her.

"Sango," he inquired in a whisper. She started, jerking around to face him. She looked weary, with darkened circles under eyes that lacked their usual fire. Miroku felt a twinge of concern. "How long have you been awake?"

She drew her knees up closer to her chest, looping her arms around them. He noted the fact that she was wearing the clothing she wore to fight, rather than the kimono she usually donned when in the village. He filed the information away to examine later. "I couldn't sleep."

Miroku sat up, scooting a little closer to her so that they could speak without waking Kagome or Kaede. Sango tensed and gave him a sharp look. "What are you doing?"

Miroku sighed. "Just moving to where we can hear each other without shouting," he said, not awake enough yet for his usual game of needling her.

Something in his voice must have hinted at this, for she relaxed a bit, offering him a conciliatory smile.

He scooted closer, careful not to touch her, and asked, "What is troubling you, Sango?"

She gave a little snort that he found ridiculously adorable. He gave a mental snort, himself. _She could paint herself in mud and sing off key, and I'd find her adorable._ He had to suppress a grin at the thought of Sango covered in mud...and nothing else. _Okay, I'm awake now._ Thankfully, she drew his attention before his imagination could get completely out of hand. "Do you really need to ask me that, monk?"

He felt a breath of annoyance at her title for him even as he acceded her point. "Miroku, Sango. It's not that hard to remember, and no, I suppose not. You're worried about Kagome. We all are."

Sango settled back against the wall, closing her eyes wearily. "I thought I'd try a couple more villages at sunrise," she said after a moment. "There's a small settlement close by that we haven't been to, and we should return to the village we went to the other day. The miko we were seeking should have returned by now. Kaede thinks that she is the one most likely to know how to help Kagome."

Miroku was only half listening to her. The sunrise she spoke of was fast approaching. Already, fingers of translucent light were spilling through the solitary window, outlining the smooth curve of Sango's cheek and throat in gold. Miroku was transfixed. _She looks like something that is...divine. Touched by the Gods._ He was struck, momentarily, with the absurd desire to throw himself down at her feet and thank her profusely for simply allowing him to sit in her presence. Shaking off the urge, he realized that she was still speaking to him.

"Weren't you listening, Miroku?" She asked, sounding exasperated, but he noticed the blush that was beginning to stain her cheeks. He knew he was staring at her, but he couldn't seem to look away. She caught her lower lip in her teeth, and Miroku's eyes dropped to follow the action closely. She released her lip, reddened slightly from her worrying it, and moistened it with the tip of her tongue. Miroku went very still, eyes locked on her mouth Once again, her voice broke through his reverie. "Why are you staring at me?"

He raised his eyes to hers, speaking before he really thought it through. "Because you're beautiful."

Her blush intensified and she looked away, but not before he caught the pleased smile lighting her features. He carefully hid his own answering smile, not wanting her to think that he mocked her. After a moment, she cleared her throat and turned back to him, smile gone. "I asked you if you would like to accompany me to the other villages today."

"Of course," he replied. "You do not even have to ask."

She nodded once, accepting that, then frowned.

Miroku couldn't help but wonder what had put that look there now. "Sango, what is it?"

Sango glanced over to where Kagome lay sleeping, her expression darkening even more. "Inuyasha. He ran off last night when he should be here, helping us figure out how to save Kagome."

Miroku raised an eyebrow. He had noticed that Sango had developed some amount of anger toward Inuyasha ever since Kagome had awakened, although he wasn't sure why. He knew she didn't truly blame the hanyou for the events of late. "I'd hardly say he ran off, Sango. You heard him. He said he was going to see Sesshoumaru."

"I know that," she snapped, turning irritated eyes to him. "But now isn't the time for him to be indulging in petty squabbles with his brother. Kagome needs him here, damn it."

Miroku stared at her, surprised by her vehemence. She fairly shook in her indignation, and her voice had risen incrementally with each word. He realized that her combined stress and exhaustion, along with the fear of losing someone else that she considered to be her family, had her stretched nearly to the breaking point. Reaching out, he took her hand, warming it between his own. Satisfied that she wouldn't pull away, he spoke, careful to keep his voice low and soothing. "Sango, you know Inuyasha is as worried as the rest of us. You saw him. He would not even leave her side while she was unconscious."

Some of the anger in her eyes died away, but she seemed to be struggling to hang on to it. "Yes, but..."

He shushed her gently, still holding her fingers between his own. "Perhaps," he said, struck by a sudden thought, "He went for Sesshoumaru's sword, Tensaiga?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Sango jerked, snatching her hand back and looking at him with a horrified expression. Miroku regretted his words immediately. "You mean," she said, "he's just going to wait for her to _die_, and then try to bring her back with that damned sword?" Her outrage flared bright for a moment, then faded as quickly as it came, turning to something that Miroku was less equipped to handle. Her lower lip began to tremble, and his eyes widened in alarm.

"I...I don't know," he hastened to say, hoping to reassure her. "I was only thinking out loud. I don't know why he went, really. Forgive me, Sango," he said, unsure what, exactly, he was asking for forgiveness for.

Sango didn't look convinced. In fact, she looked even more upset than before. Miroku really could not bear to see any woman sad, and especially not this woman. He would rather see her angry, eyes flashing sparks at him. With this thought in mind, he reached out a hand again, smiling to himself when he saw her bottom lip stop trembling and her eyes begin to narrow. _There's no help for it, then._ In a lightning motion, his hand moved the rest of the way, smoothly caressing her hip. He kept his monk's mask firmly in place, anticipating her reaction. He was not disappointed.

_Crack._

Hand to his stinging cheek, Miroku watched her stomp out of the hut. He could not hide the admiration in his eyes as he watched her go.

"You really are a pig sometimes, Miroku," said a voice from behind him.

He swung around in surprise. "Kagome! You're awake."

"Yeah," she said, sitting up and stretching. "Kind of hard to sleep with all of the noise you two were making."

Miroku had the grace to flush. "Forgive me."

"Don't worry about it," she said with a yawn. "It was time to get up, anyway." She slipped out from under the covers and began to put on her shoes. Behind her, Shippou snuggled deeper into the blanket with a whimper, and then was still. "As I was saying, you are a pig. Fortunately, you are a well meaning pig, so I won't smack you," she said, casting a smile in his direction.

Miroku blinked at her. "I don't know what you mean."

"Sure you do," she said. Kagome stood up and made to exit the hut, pausing before she went out the door. "Although you might want to find a better way of distracting Sango in the future. She might eventually cause you brain damage." With that, she was gone, leaving the bemused monk too lost in thought to realize that he had forgotten to ask where she was going.

* * *

Sesshoumaru hadn't finished his damned speech until nearly sunrise, and by the time he was done, Inuyasha felt like his face would permanently be as red as his hoari.

_I hate that smug bastard._

Fortunately, he had only needed to learn the formal steps of the mating ritual. He didn't think he could have sat there and listened to Sesshoumaru drone on in that snooty voice he had about the actual mating act, even though his half-brother had thrown a few veiled insults his way about _that_, too. _I understand that part just fine, even if the first time was kind of...quick._ _I wasn't myself, damn it._ _This time is different. My brain's not all fried. _He felt his face grow hotter despite his bravado, and he slowed his breakneck pace through the trees, coming to rest on the wide branch of a tall oak. He pulled the little box from his robes and carefully sprang the latch to open the top. The five golden hoops gleamed dully at him, and he snapped the box shut again, closing his eyes with a groan.

_I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Gods, I'm going to screw this up._

After a moment, he opened his eyes again, tucking the box back into his hoari with a deep sigh. He jumped down from the trees, continuing on toward the village, although slower now. _I need a plan. I can't just show up and drag her off into the woods without preparing, and then there's the damned soul binding, and food...we'll need food...and...and...gah!_

_I need a plan, and a place._

Inuyasha continued walking, a thoughtful look upon his face. He could have been attacked by a youkai at that moment, and probably wouldn't have noticed. _I know the place. I've never taken anyone there, although Myouga knows of it. Little bastard._

_But I still need a plan...something...girls need...girl things..._

_Something to set the...what is it Kagome calls it?_

_...the mood?_

He made a frustrated sound. _Oh yeah, I'm gonna screw this up. I'll be lucky if she'll even speak to me afterward._

His ears flattened to his head. "Keh. I'm just doing this to save her."

_Yeah, right. Admit it. You want her to like it._

Inuyasha snorted. _Of course I want her to like it. I sure as hell don't want her to hate it._

He kicked at the ground a little as he walked.

_I want her to like _me He clenched his jaw, but didn't examine the thought any closer.

_I need a fucking plan._

Inuyasha's pace slowed even more as he finally realized where his absentminded steps had taken him.

The well, and the portal to Kagome's time.

He wandered over to it, leaning over the wooden frame and peering into it. A scowl touched his face, and he remembered his half-brother's earlier words, delivered in that infuriating tone of his. "I do not care if you ever take a mate, half-breed, but you will not dishonor our father's name. You have behaved with less control than an animal. Your ignorance will probably kill you before I get the chance to. Nevertheless, I gave my word to father, and you will hold your tongue and listen."

The only thing that had kept Inuyasha from slicing Sesshoumaru in half then and there had been the fact that Sesshoumaru had still held the box. He had gritted his teeth while his half-brother had droned on, occasionally slinging an insult at Inuyasha. Inuyasha had been both snarling and blushing by the end of the speech, which almost seemed to amuse the other youkai.

"Are you finished?" Inuyasha had asked, still sitting cross-legged in the grass, glaring up at his half-brother.

"Quite," Sesshoumaru had replied. He stood up and tossed the box to Inuyasha. "I have kept my word. Do not come to me for help again, Inuyasha. I will not be so amicable."

Inuyasha had jumped to his feet, nearly falling over in the process. He had been sitting in the same position for so long that his legs had fallen asleep. Cursing, he righted himself. "I didn't ask for your help, you asshole! _You_ insisted on it," he had shouted, but Sesshoumaru had already gone.

_He really is a bastard._

Inuyasha forcibly pushed the thoughts of his brother away, returning to the present. He didn't have time for this. He still had things to do, and he was beginning to have an idea. He looked up at the lightening sky, then back down into the well. _Kagome's mother will be awake soon._ He nodded slightly to himself, coming to a decision that he hoped he wouldn't regret.

_Screw you, Sesshoumaru. I can do this._

He sucked in a breath, then jumped into the well.

* * *

Kagome found Sango sitting outside polishing her boomerang, Kilarra curled up at her feet.

"Sango," she called. The other girl looked up, giving Kagome a smile of welcome.

"Kagome! You're awake early." He smile faded a little. "Are you feeling all right?"

Kagome waved her hands in front of her, hastening to reassure her. "I'm fine, really. I just slept so much in the last few days, I guess I'm all caught up." She gave her a rueful grin. "I heard you and Miroku talking."

Sango made a face, returning to vigorously polishing Hiraikotsu. "That monk! Every time I start to think he might be...you know...he has to go and revert to his lecherous self." The demon exterminator radiated aggravated frustration.

Kagome laughed softly. _She's really worked up over this._ Sango glanced at her sharply at the sound of her laughter, and Kagome sobered. "He did it because you were sad, you know."

Sango went still, then turned to face Kagome. "What do you mean?"

"It distracted you, didn't it? His groping. You didn't get sad. You got angry, instead. It's just his hare-brained way of cheering you up."

Sango eyed her, a strange, almost hopeful look on her face. "He told you this?"

Kagome glanced down, blushing. "No," she replied softly.

"Oh." The strange look disappeared from Sango's features, and she returned her attention to her boomerang. "So, you heard what Miroku and I were talking about?"

"About Inuyasha, you mean?"

Sango nodded. "Yes."

Kagome lowered herself to the ground to sit beside her friend, petting Kilarra absently. "I heard."

"Sorry."

"It's alright," Kagome said. "You're wrong, though."

Sango didn't reply, but Kagome could tell by her posture that she didn't believe her. She heaved a sigh. _Just tell her already._

"Inuyasha," she began, voice cracking. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Inuyasha...has already found a way to save me."

There was a long moment of silence while Kagome waited for Sango's response. Finally, she said, "Tensaiga?" Her voice sounded strangled.

Kagome shook her head and stared at her hands. She noticed that her thumbnail was chipped and began to pick at it nervously.

Sango blinked at her, looking confused. "No? How, then?"

"I don't know how to put it," Kagome said. _My knuckles are cracked. I wonder if I have any lotion in my bag?_

Sango set her boomerang down, scooting around until she was sitting facing Kagome, their knees nearly touching. "Just tell me, Kagome. You're worrying me. How does Inuyasha plan to help you?"

Kagome folded her hands tightly in her lap, forcing her eyes to meet Sango's. "We're going to be mated," she said in a low voice, meeting Sango's eyes to gauge the other girl's reaction.

Sango only looked mildly confused. "And this will fix things?"

Kagome nodded. "Apparently, the same thing happened with Inuyasha's mother and father. He just has to bind our youkis properly, and I'll be as good as new."

"Why wouldn't you want to tell me that, Kagome?" Sango was struggling to understand. "Isn't this a good thing?"

"I guess," Kagome said with a shrug.

"You guess?" Sango raised an eyebrow. "Don't you want to be mated to Inuyasha, Kagome?"

Kagome laughed shortly. "Of course I do. I just don't want him doing it only to save me." She turned miserable eyes to Sango. "I wanted him to love me."

Sango gave a sigh of her own. "Kagome, Inuyasha has to love you on some level. Inu Youkai do not take mating lightly. At all. I can't believe that he'd tie himself to you for the rest of his life just to save your life."

Kagome felt herself begin to grow a bit indignant, and tried to squelch it. "_Just_ to save my life?"

Sango flushed. "You know what I mean. It's a huge commitment. You will be the mother of his children, and his companion until the day he dies."

"Longer," Kagome said with a wry grin.

"Huh?"

"Myouga said it's longer than that. What we're doing will bind us together for eternity. Even our reincarnations will be tied together."

Sango stared at her, unblinking, for a long moment. "And it took you how long to talk him into going through with this?"

Kagome felt her face grow hot. "I didn't. He insisted."

Sango stood up, pacing back and forth for a moment, seeming agitated. Finally, she turned to Kagome, who was watching her warily from her seat on the ground. Sango pointed a slender finger at her. "Kagome, you are blind, I swear! Inuyasha loves you. He would never have even agreed to this, much less insisted on it, if he did not. How could you even think that he'd do something like this just to be noble? This is Inuyasha we're talking about, for goodness sake!"

Kagome thought about that for a moment. "He...he never said..."

"He wouldn't," Sango interrupted.

Kagome's eyes shot to hers. "He did say he wanted me," she told her in a small voice.

Sango rolled her eyes. "Kagome, he loves you. Accept it."

Kagome wanted to believe it, but couldn't bring herself to. "I'll believe it when he says it."

Sango made a frustrated sound and plopped back down beside her. "You're as stubborn as he is."

"Sorry," Kagome said, smiling.

Sango chuckled, elbowing her lightly. "Nervous?"

Kagome chewed on her lower lip. "Extremely."

Sango looked thoughtful for a moment, then got to her feet again, holding out a hand to help Kagome up. "Come on."

Kagome allowed her to help her stand. "Where are we going?"

Sango tossed her a mischievous look. "We're going to scour around and find you something nice to wear. It's not every day that a girl gets...mated." Her eyes widened at her own words, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

Kagome giggled. Soon both of them were laughing loudly. Miroku stuck his head out of the door of the hut and eyed them both as if he thought they were possessed. He made a sign as if to ward off evil spirits, then disappeared back inside.

_Maybe I am a little crazy, but I feel a lot better since I talked to Sango._ She smothered a last snicker, then followed the other girl.

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	15. Chapter Fifteen

_Author's Note: As before, this story is a rewrite of one I began a couple of years ago, and was not able to finish due to personal difficulties. Also, please be aware that this story has been heavily censored to meet Fanfiction's guidelines. This may make certain parts a bit confusing, and I am terribly sorry for that, but it just couldn't be helped. If you would like to read the uncensored version, and are of an age to legally do so in your area, then you may find it at the link located on my profile page._

_Some of you have commented on my misspellings of certain Japanese names. You are correct, I misspelled Tenseiga, Izayoi, and Kilarra. I will correct Tenseiga and Izayoi as soon as I get a chance to, as they were unintentional, but I have purposefully spelled the firecat's name 'Kilarra', for this represents, to me, the closest to the proper pronunciation of the word using the limited English alphabet. Amusingly enough, the most common spellings I have been offered are also incorrect. Translated directly from the katakana to the more common romaji spellings, the firecat demon's name would be spelled 'Kirara' (a few of you got this right hands out cookies to those readers), and, to a lesser extent, 'Kilala' would be acceptable, as well, but I prefer not to do so, simply because it bothers me whenever I hear someone pronounce the name with the hard 'r' sound, as so many English speakers are wont to do. I also do not like the hard 'l' sound they use in the horrible Cartoon Network version of the anime, thus she will remain Kilarra in my fan fiction. I do appreciate all of you taking time out to point out typos for me, however, and I encourage you to keep it up. ;) _

_I would also like to thank you all for your patience. As I have mentioned on my profile page, I currently have pneumonia, and my updating has slowed down considerably due to this. I still have to go to work, as the bill collectors will not cut me any slack simply because I am sick, and what time I have left, I am utterly exhausted. The next chapter will also be a bit delayed, as it will be rather…mature, and I must write a cleaner, censored version for display here at this site. Again, I appreciate your understanding._

_Chapter notes: Beware the copious amounts of warm fuzziness. I still blame the Nyquil. :)_

_Chapter warnings: Adult situations, language, angst, WAFF._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha._

_

* * *

_

Mrs. Higurashi made her way to the kitchen, careful to not wake her father or Souta. There would be time enough to do that after she had drank her first cup of tea for the day, before she started breakfast. It was Saturday, and Souta didn't have school to go to, so she was in no hurry.

She loved her early morning solitude. The world was just waking up, and the air always seemed so crisp with possibilities. Everything would be hushed, the normal cacophony of life subdued and sleepy, as if the earth were holding its breath, just waiting to see what would happen. Her husband had never understood her desire to be up at the crack of dawn, but when she had tried to explain it to him, he had simply smiled at her, telling her that he didn't mind. Sometimes he would even get up with her. He had said that he loved to see the light on her face, her eyes still sleep-bright. She gave a wistful sigh. He had been gone for so long now, it seemed.

She opened the curtains in the living room as she passed the window, letting the sunlight spill into the house, chasing away the chill and the remaining shadows. Her smile turned more cheerful, and she continued on to the kitchen, heading straight to the enameled canister that held her favorite bancha blend. The toasted tea leaves helped clear her mind so that she could focus on the many tasks of the day.

She deposited a spoonful of the fragrant tea into the pretty porcelain teacup that Souta had given her for Christmas the year before, and filled her teakettle with cold water before sitting it on the stove. She had a few minutes before the water would begin steaming, so she turned to leave the kitchen, planning to retrieve the morning paper. She was brought up short by her daughter's dog-eared friend from the feudal era.

_Goodness gracious, that boy is quiet._

"Inuyasha," she said, voice a bit high-pitched from her surprise. "I didn't hear you come in."

He looked sheepish, but didn't respond, and she had to smother a laugh. _Bashful, too._

She peered around him, looking for her daughter, but didn't see her. "Where is Kagome? Did she go to her room and leave you down here alone?" She turned her eyes to the boy, and felt her heart nearly turn over at the expression on his face. He looked uncomfortable, anxious, and afraid, all at once.

Her hand flew to her throat. "Inuyasha," she began, "Did something happen? Is Kagome all right?"

Inuyasha lowered his head, hiding his eyes from her, and she noticed him clenching and unclenching his fists. _Oh no...oh no...don't tell me she's..._

"Mrs. Higurashi," he said, finally, but then fell silent again. She shoved aside the memory of the police officer saying her name in that same tone years ago, the night she had been informed of her husband's death.

_Oh gods. It must be very bad. He can't even get the words out._ She had to stop herself from running to the well house to find her baby, and her voice was harsher than she had intended it to be when she said, "Inuyasha, tell me! What's going on? Where is my daughter?"

Inuyasha visibly flinched, then raised his face to hers to look her directly in the eye. "Mrs. Higurashi," he said again, gruff voice at odds with the blush spreading across his features. Hands trembling, she clasped them in front of her, and steeled herself for whatever he would say next.

He stood up straighter, features hardening into a look of determination. "I'm keeping Kagome."

_Oh no...oh...what?_

_

* * *

_

Shippou clutched at Miroku's robes in fear as another fit of giggles sounded from the hut before them. He and the monk had been ordered out by Sango and Kagome moments after the kit had woke up. _And they didn't even fix me breakfast._ His stomach gave a low rumble as if to emphasize the thought, followed by another peal of girlish laughter from the hut. _What are they doing in there, anyway?_ He released the monk's robes, peering up at him. "What's going on?"

Miroku turned bemused eyes in his direction. "Apparently, from what I could tell from their chatter, Kagome and Inuyasha will be mated today."

Shippou's jaw dropped. "But...but...Kagome's still sick...isn't she?"

Miroku didn't have a chance to reply, for Kaede exited the hut at that moment, a bowl in each hand.

_Ooh...breakfast._ Questions momentarily overridden by the demands of his growling stomach, Shippou scampered over to Kaede, gratefully taking the bowl of stew she offered him. He slurped his soup messily enough to make even Inuyasha proud, before redirecting his question to Kaede. "Grandma Kaede, why are Inuyasha and Kagome becoming mates when she's so sick?" A horrible thought struck him as soon as the words were out of his mouth. "She's...she's not going to die, is she?" Food forgotten, he waited anxiously for the old woman's answer.

She chuckled, patting him on the head. "No, Shippou. It seems that Inuyasha has discovered that taking Kagome as his mate will cure her," she said with a smile. "It is a happy occasion."

More laughter came from the hut, and Shippou felt relief fill him. _So that's why Kagome sounds so happy. Finally, dog boy did something right._ He grinned up at Kaede, but the grin soon disappeared. _But if Kagome and Inuyasha are mated..._

The old miko must have noticed the worry on his face. "What is troubling you now, young one?"

Shippou dug his toe lightly into the dirt, not looking at her. He felt selfish for even bringing it up, but he couldn't help the worry that filled him. "What will happen to me?" He asked in a small voice. _Inuyasha doesn't even like me. Once Kagome is his mate, he'll probably make me leave._

Kaede chuckled. "Do not worry, Shippou. Kagome loves you, and I believe that Inuyasha cares for you more than he will admit, even to himself."

Shippou snorted. _Yeah, right._

Kaede made a disapproving noise. "You do Inuyasha a disservice, little one. Has the hanyou not protected you from danger these last few years?"

Shippou thought of the many times that Inuyasha had rescued him from dangerous situations, quite a few which had been the result of Shippou's own carelessness. He frowned. "Yeah, but..."

Kaede didn't let him finish. "And has he not provided for you and the others when needed?"

He grudgingly recalled the last time Inuyasha had brought down a boar. He had made sure that Shippou had eaten a healthy portion, even though he had insulted the kitsune as he did so, calling him a useless runt. His brow knit in confusion. "Yes."

Kaede crouched carefully in front of him, joints popping audibly. "Shippou," she began, voice kind. "You are member of Inuyasha's pack, and that will not change."

_His...pack? I suppose we are like a pack, now that she mentions it._ He lifted hopeful eyes to her, but then nearly jumped out of his skin when Miroku's voice came from close behind him. He swung around to glare at him.

"Yes, Shippou," Miroku said with a grin, reaching around him to take the other bowl of stew from Kaede's hand. "You aren't going to lose Kagome. She will still be your second mother." The monk's grin grew wider. "In fact, you will only gain from this." He tweaked Shippou's nose.

Shippou swatted his hand away in annoyance. "What do you mean?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He didn't like that grin the monk wore one bit.

"I thought you would have realized by now, Shippou," he said in high good humor. "Once Kagome is his mate, Inuyasha will be your new papa."

_Inuyasha? My papa?_ "Good gods," he muttered, just before falling over, the sound of the monk's snickers still ringing in his ears.

* * *

"I'm keeping Kagome."

Kagome's mother swayed slightly, and Inuyasha steadied her with a hand on her elbow, quickly pulling away once he was sure she would not fall. He mentally kicked himself. He never could say anything the way he wanted to say it, and this usually served to land him in trouble. He stood stiffly, waiting for Mrs. Higurashi's questions, and, undoubtedly, anger.

She had been looking rather pale, but now her color was coming back. She focused her eyes on his face, expression unreadable. Inuyasha set his jaw and looked away.

"I beg your pardon?"

_Well, at least she doesn't sound angry...yet._ She did sound shocked, though. He rubbed a hand over his face, then motioned toward the table. "Maybe we should..."

She made a nervous sound and nodded. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. Of course. Please sit down."

He did as she bade him, but she didn't sit down herself. Instead, she cocked her head to the side, giving him a worried look.

Remembering her initial questions, Inuyasha swore under his breath. _I'm an idiot._ "Kagome is safe." _For the moment, anyway._ "But I need to talk to you."

Kagome's mother sat down hesitantly across from him. "Inuyasha, dear," she began, causing him to flush lightly. He had a feeling he'd be doing that a lot before this conversation was over. "Would you mind telling me what you meant when you said that you were keeping Kagome?"

Inuyasha struggled against the urge to run for the well as fast as his hanyou speed would let him. Instead, he fixed his sight on the table, and said quietly, "I...I am taking Kagome as my mate." _Okay, that wasn't so hard._ His voice grew a bit stronger. "She'll be staying with me." He held his breath, eyes not leaving the tabletop.

"I see," she said. An uncomfortable silence filled the tiny kitchen. Finally, she spoke again. "Has Kagome agreed to this?"

"Yes," Inuyasha said, voice nearly too low to hear. Clearing his throat, he repeated it. "Yes, she has." He stole a glance at Mrs. Higurashi from beneath his hair. She didn't look angry, only thoughtful and mildly relieved. Inuyasha began to relax minutely, returning to his perusal of the table.

He felt her eyes on him. "And do you intend to prevent her from visiting her family again?"

Inuyasha's head flew up, and he drew back, insulted. "Of course not."

Mrs. Higurashi looked him directly in the eye. "Then why isn't she here now, Inuyasha?" Her voice was patient, but he knew she required an explanation.

Inuyasha felt his face flame. He had been hoping that he wouldn't have to go into too much detail about his and Kagome's circumstances, but he really couldn't see any way around it. _Damn it, this day just gets worse and worse._ He ignored the little voice telling him that it would get better, very soon...as soon as he could be with Kagome. _Gah...I'm getting as bad as Miroku._ "She can't go through the well right now," he said, determinedly shoving a few interesting images from his mind. _Good fucking grief. Her mother is right there. This is Sesshoumaru's fault, with his stupid talk._

Mrs. Higurashi wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. "Why ever not?" Her voice was calm, but Inuyasha could tell by her eyes that she was still troubled.

"Fuck," he murmured, causing her to start slightly. He was beginning to wish that he hadn't come here. "You aren't going to let me get by with, 'it's a long story,' are you?"

Smiling, she shook her head at him.

"I didn't think so," he grumbled, giving a frustrated sigh.

She eyed him a moment before asking, "Would you like a cup of tea?" The change of topic confused him, and it must have shown on his face. She smiled at him again. "You look like you could use one," she said, not unkindly.

Wordlessly, he nodded. He didn't particularly like tea, but he was grateful for the temporary reprieve. He needed time to formulate his words properly.

She didn't say anything else, simply rose and walked to the counter to prepare two cups of tea, her movements brisk and efficient. All too soon, she was placing a steaming cup in front of him. He stared at it as she took her own cup and sat back down.

"Drink it," she said gently, sipping her own tea. "It's good for you."

Nodding, he obediently lifted the cup and drained it, burning his tongue in the process. He barely noticed, however.

She gave him an amused look, then took the cup to the sink before returning to her seat.

"Now, why don't you tell me what's going on? Start from the beginning," she instructed.

Inuyasha nodded again, and began to tell her the events of late, beginning with the night of his fever. He didn't give her the more personal details, but he didn't try to hide anything from her, either.

She did not interrupt him during the tale. She merely made encouraging motions for him to continue whenever he began to falter over his words. He was grateful for her silence, and managed to finish the account without too much trouble, although he was wishing desperately for the floor to open up and swallow him whole before it was all over. Finally, there was nothing left to say. Inuyasha lowered his head, swallowing hard, and awaited her anger.

It never came.

Instead, he heard the sound of her chair scooting back, followed by her hand on top of his head, just before she pulled him against her in a motherly embrace.

Inuyasha froze in shock and embarrassment. _What...what the hell?_

She continued to pet his hair, occasionally tweaking one of his ears. Inuyasha twitched, but he didn't move away, afraid he had pushed her over the edge. "Um...Mrs. Higurashi?" Confusion was clear in his voice.

Kagome's mother pulled back from him, giving him a fond look. He leaned away from her so that he could see her face. _Has she lost it? Why isn't she yelling at me?_

"Stop looking at me like I'm going to bite you, Inuyasha," she said with a chuckle. "I'm not angry."

Inuyasha's jaw dropped. "You...you're not?"

She shook her head. "No. I wish it had happened in a more traditional manner, but what's done is done. Besides, I was expecting this."

Inuyasha began to wonder if there hadn't been some sort of hallucinogenic in his tea. "You were?"

"Yes," she said, and patted his shoulder before returning to her seat. "Oh, not this soon, of course, but I was certain that it would happen eventually."

Inuyasha's throat worked, but he could think of nothing to say.

Mrs. Higurashi sighed softly. "Inuyasha, it is obvious that my daughter loves you, just as it is obvious that you love her."

"Obvious," he managed, voice sounding odd in his ears.

"Yes, young man. Obvious."

Inuyasha looked away, jaw clenched. He was relieved at her response, but he didn't like the thought that his feelings were so easy to read. He wasn't given much time to work himself into a snit about it, though, for her voice was demanding his attention again. "What did you say?" He asked, having only caught the last portion of her question.

"I asked you if you planned to wed my daughter, as well."

Inuyasha blinked at her. "Wed?"

"Yes, wed. Marry her. Give her your name, and promise to care for her forever. Make her your family."

_Family. That's right, Kagome will be my family._ The thought made him smile faintly, until what Mrs. Higurashi was saying sank in completely. His smile turned into a frown. _Just what the hell does she think mating is?_ "Mating _is_ forever. She _will_ be my family. Why would I need to marry her, too?"

"I know that, Inuyasha," she said, still wearing her gentle smile. "But for human women, it is a symbol of respect and esteem. Other humans would not understand youkai mating, especially in this time, and they might treat Kagome unkindly if they knew that she was with you, unmarried."

Inuyasha growled at that. _They'll treat her unkindly, anyway. _His growl grew a bit louder. _And I'll kill them if they touch her. Hell, I'll kill them if they make her cry. But still, maybe it would be better, at least in this time._ Belatedly realizing that the woman was looking at him with that amused expression on her face again, he tried to rid himself of his anger. He took a deep breath and expelled it. "If I wed her...people will really treat her better?"

Mrs. Higurashi nodded. "For the most part, I believe so, yes."

Inuyasha's features hardened. "Then I will wed her."

The other woman clapped her hands together, eyes sparkling at him. "That will make her very happy, Inuyasha," she said. "Thank you."

"Feh," he said, uncomfortable with her gratitude when he felt that, by all rights, she should be flaming pissed at him. _Is she for real?_ He peered at her in wonder. _Maybe...maybe she _will_ help me after all._ "Mrs. Higurashi," he began, hesitantly, only to be cut off.

"Enough of that, now, Inuyasha. You are going to be my son. Call me Mama," she said.

_Her son?_ Inuyasha felt something warm bloom in his chest; it was almost painful. He stared at her hard, but her expression was sincere. _She really...accepts me._ He closed his eyes, then blinked them open, feeling the last of his tension sliding away. He offered her a tentative smile. "Mama," he said, stumbling a little over the word, but wanting badly to try it out. _Felt...nice._

She beamed at him, and he continued. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Kagome being happy, I mean."

"Go on."

His smile slipped a bit, before fading away entirely. "I don't know," he said, voice trailing off, then began again. "I want..." he said, but shook his head. _I already told her the worst of it. Why the hell is this so much harder?_ He bit back a curse. "How do I...?"

She took pity on him. "How do you make my daughter happy?"

He nodded, absently using a claw to trace lines in the water ring left on the table by his teacup.

She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "Love her, Inuyasha," she said simply. "That's all she's ever wanted."

His eyes snapped to hers. "But..."

She chuckled. "But you want specifics, right?"

_How does she _do_ that?_ The hanyou was beginning to believe that Kagome's mother was a mind reader. He nodded at her wordlessly.

She released his hand and rose briskly from the table. "Very well, Inuyasha. I believe that I can help you. Come with me."

The dog demon padded silently behind her, feeling the first faint glimmerings of hope. _Maybe...maybe this will work out, after all._

_

* * *

_

_-to be continued-_


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Inuyasha was one step closer to understanding the term 'basketcase' by the time Mrs. Higurashi was finished being helpful. Not to mention that his back was about to break under the weight of the large green duffel bag that Kagome's mother had insisted that he take with him. _Gotta remember to never ask a woman the definition of 'mood' again._

She was still defining the word, even as Inuyasha trudged toward the well. If it hadn't been for the fact that he felt that her information might be useful--_after all, her daughter is just as confusing as she is_--he might have already made a run for it.

"Don't worry about the candles, dear," she said, patting Inuyasha on the arm and ignoring his remarkable imitation of a tomato. "I made sure that I only packed the unscented ones. Kagome told me about your sensitive nose."

Inuyasha mumbled something unintelligible, keeping his burning face averted. He didn't want to think about candles right now. The vague sense of panic he had experienced earlier had returned, and was growing stronger the close he got to the well and the girl he was about to take as a mate. His breathing felt tight, and he actually thought he might be sick. The thought mortified him, and he could not stifle a self-deprecating curse before it left his lips.

Some of what he felt must have shown, for Kagome's mother stopped him when they reached the well house. "Inuyasha," she said softly.

He turned to face her.

Her gaze was steady, and a gentle smile was upon her face. "Everything will be fine, Inuyasha," she said. "You remember what I told you when you asked how to make my daughter happy, don't you?"

Inuyasha did remember. "_Love her, Inuyasha. It's all she ever wanted."_ He nodded.

Mrs. Higurashi's eyes crinkled at the corners as her smile grew wider. "Just make sure that she knows how you feel, alright?"

Inuyasha nodded again, and she hugged him lightly, much to his surprise, and turned to go. He stared after her for a moment, bemused, then squared his shoulders and entered the well house. He had to get a move on if he wanted to finish preparing everything in time.

* * *

"I don't know about this, Sango," Kagome said, wincing a little as the other girl pulled at her hair a bit too roughly. 

"Hold still," Sango mumbled around the decorative comb she held between her teeth. She gave Kagome's hair one last twist, then used the comb to fasten it in place.

_Finally._ "Are you finished?"

Sango stepped back, eyeing Kagome's hair critically. "Almost." She reached out, using her fingertips to pull a few tendrils of hair loose on either side of her face. She looked at her again, lips pursed, then finally broke out into a warm smile. "Finished."

"I feel silly," Kagome grumbled, tentatively touching the knot of hair that Sango had fashioned on the back of her head.

Sango slapped her hand away. "Hush. You look beautiful. Now stop messing with it or I'll have to do it again."

Kagome grimaced, but lowered her hand. "Ha! If you do it again, I'll wind up bald."

"Don't be such a baby," Sango admonished, but her stern tone was ruined by a giggle. She retrieved Kagome's backback from the corner and handed it to her. "Here. Don't you have a mirror in that thing?"

Kagome nodded.

"Well?" Sango motioned toward the yellow pack. "What are you waiting for?"

Kagome made a face at her, then rummaged around in the bag until she found her small hand mirror. She lifted it to her face and peered at herself. _Wow. Who would have thought Sango would be so good with hair?_ She turned her head slightly, trying to see from as many angles as possible.

Sango had pulled her hair into a simple upsweep that resembled a modified French twist, held in place by a lovely comb made of bone that had belonged to Sango's mother. The tendrils of hair she had pulled down framed her face perfectly, accentuating her cheekbones and making her appear slightly older. She was wearing one of Sango's outfits, as well; a simple, pale rose-colored yukata that peeked out from the hem of a forest green overskirt that hung nearly to her ankles. _I hardly recognize myself._ Wordlessly, she turned shining eyes to the other girl, who was nearly bouncing in her excitement.

"Well," Sango prodded. "What do you think?"

"I think," Kagome said, slowly standing and walking over to the other girl before enfolding her in a tight hug. "That you are the best friend ever."

Sango returned the hug before pushing her away. "Enough of that, now. You'll ruin your hair," she said with a grin. "I take it, then, that you like it?"

Kagome nodded emphatically, returning her smile. "I love it."

Sango's grin grew wider. "I can't wait to see the look on Inuyasha's face when he sees you."

Kagome's smile faded a little, and she bit her bottom lip in worry. "Do you think he'll like it?"

"Kagome, you are beautiful," Sango said in a voice that made it clear that she would not listen to any arguments. "If he doesn't think so, too, then he is either blind or stupid."

Kagome's smile returned at Sango's fierce defense of her. _I hope she's right. It would be nice to have Inuyasha look at me and see something besides his plain little shard detector for a change._

Her thoughts were interrupted by Sango grabbing her hand. "Come on, the demon exterminator said, beginning to drag Kagome toward the door of the hut.

Kagome struggled to keep up withe her. "Where are we going?"

"To show the others. You need reassurance, and I'm going to give it to you." She slowed, leaning closer to whisper conspirationally, "I'll bet you that you have Miroku drooling on himself within one minute of seeing you like this."

Kagome blushed, trying hard to stifle another giggle. "I'm not sure that's a good thing, Sango."

The grin Sango gave her this time was positively evil. "Don't worry, I'll keep him in line," she said, cracking her knuckles. "Now, come _on_."

Kagome reluctantly allowed herself to be drawn outside into the midmorning sunlight. Squinting slightly, she spotted Miroku sitting with Shippou not too far away. She stopped again, embarrassed. "I don't know, Sango. Maybe we should wait..."

"Nope, don't hear you," Sango said, still tugging on her hand.

With a sigh, Kagome followed her until they were standing right behind the monk.

"Miroku," Sango said. "We need a man's opinion, but you'll have to do. How does Kagome look?"

Miroku jumped, startled, and turned around. His eyes traveled up the forms of the two girls, resting momentarily on their faces, before his attention snapped to Kagome. He rose smoothly to his feet, mouth hanging slightly open. "Kagome?"

Kagome blushed hotly.

Recovering himself quickly, Miroku reached out to clasp her hand in his. "My lady," he said. "You are lovely."

Kagome tried to take her hand back, but he would not release it. Beside her, she heard Sango smother a laugh. _Oh no, here we go again._

Miroku moved a step closer to her. "Inuyasha does not deserve such beauty. It is wasted on him. Rather, would you do me the honor of..." The monk was suddenly yanked backwards away from Kagome.

"That'll do, monk," Sango said firmly, but her face was alight with merriment. She pushed Miroku back down to the ground and turned to Kagome, raising an eyebrow as if to say, "See? What did I tell you?"

Kagome began to turn to hide her smile, only to feel something pulling on her skirt. She looked down to see Shippou staring up at her with wide eyes. "Kagome," he said.

She nodded. He jumped into her arms, looking carefully at her. "You look really pretty, Kagome."

"Thank you, Shippou," she said, hugging him to her.

He tilted his head to the side. "Did you do this for Inuyasha?"

She nodded, blush growing brighter. Shippou grinned at her, then leaned closer so he could whisper in her ear. "Don't worry, Kagome. Inuyasha-papa will think you look pretty, too."

Kagome drew back in surprise. "Inuyasha-papa?" She repeated faintly.

"Yup." The kitsune nodded emphatically.

She glanced at Miroku, who was nearly choking on his laughter, then to Sango, who looked just as puzzled as she was. _O-kay. I'm not sure I want to know._

_

* * *

_

_

* * *

_

When Inuyasha finally climbed from the well into the feudal ere, it was already mid-morning. Glancing at the sun, which was climbing steadily highter in the sky, Inuyasha frowned unhappily. He had told Kagome that he would be back by morning, yet it was almost noon. He still had to prepare the place he had chosen as their temporary 'den'. _Kagome's going to be pissed._ He grimaced at the thought. _But it wasn't my fault. It was her mother's._ He hoisted the heavy duffel bag that Mrs. Higurashi had insisted on filling with supplies, most of which he had insisted right back that he didn't need. She had been adamant, however. "Damned woman is as stubborn as her daughter," he muttered, setting off through the trees at a dead run.

He wasn't actually angry with Kagome's mother. She had been understanding about the strange situation Inuyasha and Kagome found themselves in, and seemed to readily accept the hanyou into her family. She had even gone so far as to offer him advice, and, thankfully, it had been nowhere near as embarrassing as his talk with Sesshoumaru had been.

She had also sent Inuyasha with a large amount of ramen, two extra sleeping bags which could be zipped together, a half dozen unscented candles, and a small container of Kagome's favorite bathing supplies. These things he planned to leave in the den until he could fetch Kagome. Mrs. Higurashi had also given him three other, very important items, and those he would be taking back to the village with him, along with the box he had retrieved from Sesshoumaru.

After he had arrived at the cave he had often hidden in as a child, he hurriedly unpacked the bag, sparing a moment to look around while sniffing the air carefully. _Looks like nothing's found this place yet. _Inuyasha was pleased. This place was actually pretty nice. It had a small, hidden arch that opened up into a larger chamber. Inside, there was a decent sized hot spring bubbling up in one corner, and the walls were made of some sort of phospherescent lime that would magnify the light from the candles. This place had saved his life many times when he was small. He had never told anyone else about the place, and suspected that he might be the only person to know of its existence. For now, anyway. He had considered very carefully where he had wanted to take Kagome. It needed to be a perfectly safe place, for the two of them would be at their most vulnerable. He had thought, at first, that they would have to remain in the village, with Miroku and Sango to protect them. Inuyasha hated that idea, though. He knew that the two humans would give them their privacy--well, Sango would, at least--but he didn't want any of them near when he took Kagome.

_...take...Kagome._

He noticed his hand trembling as he was zipping the two overstuffed sleeping bags together. He forced the trembling away as best he could, smoothing the makeshift bed in the corner of the cave. He stared at it for a moment, mouth gone dry. Unbidden, an image of Kagome lying naked atop the pallet, beckoning to him, appeared before his mind's eye. He felt his heart speed up uncomfortably in his chest, sending a surge of blood quickly elsewhere in his body. "Shit," he murmured, scrambling to his feet.

He turned his back to the doubled sleeping bag, resolutely unpacking the rest of the supplies. He was going to get this over with. He was not going to let his mind wander. He was not going to think of Kagome. He was _definitely_ not going to think of Kagome naked.

He was also not going to think of doing _things_ to a naked Kagome--things with his lips and tongue and hands. Nor was he going to think of Kagome doing those things right back to his equally naked self...

"Fuck!" _You shouldn't be thinking shit like that, idiot._ Inuyasha shook his head as if trying to clear it, and resumed stacking the ramen by the wall. His hand suddenly tightened on one of the foam cups, nearly crushing it.

_Why shouldn't I be thinking it?_ He set the cup down slowly. _I'm going to be doing it, aren't I?_

_It's my right. Kagome is mine. She's going to be my mate. My wife._

Inuyasha sat, staring wide eyed at nothing in particular for a long moment. _I...I am going to be doing things to Kagome. We're going to be doing those things to each other. And it's not going to be wrong. I'll have the right to touch her. I think...I think she actually wants me to touch her. And it isn't wrong._

_Not anymore._

Inuyasha felt his face grow hot, but couldn't stifle a small smile. He climbed slowly to his feet, letting them take him to the mouth of the cave where the bright sunlight was streaming in.

_It's time to claim my mate._

_

* * *

_

_

* * *

_

A half an hour later most of Inuyasha's confidence had fled, but it was too late to try to collect himself again. The nervous hanyou had already entered the village. He waved off Miroku, who had spotted him the minute he had crested the hill. Nervous or not, he intended to see Kagome. Now. He walked by the grinning monk--_what's that idiot's problem?_--and headed directly to the old woman's home.

Inuyasha entered Kaede's hut, immediately spying Kagome seated beside Sango. Her eyes met his, and she slowly stood. Inuyasha remained frozen, eyes taking her in. He felt a strange mixture of relief at finding her still safe, and trepidation at what was soon to take place. She had changed clothes and wore her hair up, similar to the way brides of the time were wont to do. _Brides...my bride...my mate. Kagome...my gods, she's going to be mine. _He knew that he was staring like a fool, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"Inuyasha," Kagome called, the uncertainty in her voice finally goading Inuyasha into motion.

He strode to where she stood, pausing to glare meaningfully at Sango. The demon exterminator gave Kagome a reassuring nod, then left the hut. He returned his attention to Kagome. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was staring at him with worry filled eyes. He felt some of his own nervousness slide away. He stepped even closer to her, inhaling her scent deeply. His mind was still struggling with the knowledge that he actually had the right to do so. It was a heady feeling.

"Did you," Kagome said, voice cracking. "Did you see Sesshoumaru?"

Inuyasha inhaled again, ignoring the still present sickly smell to her aura to focus on the underlying sweetness that was her own unique fragrance. _She's nervous, too._ "I saw him."

Kagome peered at him from beneath her hair. "Were you able to get...whatever it was?"

Inuyasha nodded, reaching into his haori to pull out the larger of two boxes. "Here," he said, holding it out to her so she could look at it.

She took the box gingerly, glancing at him before flipping the latch and lifting the lid. Silent, she stared into the box for a moment before lifting puzzled eyes to his. "What are they?"

Inuyasha blushed, but he did not look away. He knew he had to get used to dealing with Kagome this way. He had to speak plainly to her; she was going to be his mate. "The largest one is a collar. The others are wrist and ankle cuffs."

Kagome's eyes were as wide as he'd ever seen them, but she said nothing, simply turned her attention back to the box.

Inuyasha cleared his throat. "They'll keep you from purifying yourself when we...we..." He ground to a halt, unsure of a way to put what they would be doing without offending her.

She gave him a weak smile. "I understand."

Inuyasha eyed her intently. She looked as if she might cry. That's not how he wanted her right now, especially not since he'd decided that this mating was a good thing. "Are you afraid?" He asked gently.

She looked down. "Yes."

Inuyasha ignored the pain her admission caused him. "Because I'm hanyou?"

Kagome made a small sound, head flying up. "No!"

Inuyasha felt relieved. She had told him before that his mixed blood didn't bother her, but he couldn't help but worry. It bothered everyone else. Even him. "Then why?"

Kagome shook her head. "I don't know. I just am."

Inuyasha blinked. _I'll never understand her._ Still, he didn't want her afraid of him, for any reason. A sudden realization hit him, and he cringed. "I hurt you the first time. Didn't I?"

She bit her lip, nodding, but then hurried to speak at his stricken expression. "It's alright, Inuyasha. It wasn't your fault. It always hurts the first time."

Inuyasha barely heard her. He had been clumsy and hurt her, even if he had been out of his head at the time, and now she was afraid of him. "I won't hurt you again, Kagome," he said, voice pained but fervent. "I swear." And he wouldn't. He planned to take every care with her.

"I know," she said, voice quiet. "I trust you. I'm just afraid, I think, that you won't like me...after."

He drew back, surprised. _How could she think that?_ "Kagome," he said, voice husky, reaching out to grasp her upper arm with one clawed hand. "I'll always like you."

She stared at him for a moment, eyes shimmering. Finally, she spoke, sounding anguished. "But you're trapped. This wasn't really your choice. What if you grow to hate me for it?"

_This again._ "Kagome," he said, voice firm. "I could never hate you. Never." He reached out to brush her cheek, trying to reassure her. "Stop worrying so much. I want this."

She turned her head away, eyes filled with tears, but she released none of them. "You're just saying that."

Inuyasha growled softly in frustration. "I don't 'just say' anything, Kagome. I want this." He used his hand to turn her face back to him, making sure she was paying attention. "I _want_ this," he said, voice fierce. "Understand?"

She searched his face and seemed to find what she was looking for there, for her eyes softened. She nodded, one tear escaping her lashes to track down her cheek. He tenderly wiped it away. "Just tell me that you meant it."

"Meant what?" She asked quietly.

He used the hand on her arm to pull her closer. She didn't resist. "When you said that you were mine. I need for you to tell me that you meant it, Kagome."

She nodded slowly, eyes never leaving his. "I meant it." Her voice was barely a whisper.

He searched her face for a moment more before settling on the chocolate depths of her eyes. His breath caught in his throat.

Looking into her eyes, he _knew_. He knew that she loved him, knew that she belonged to him. He could see it. Hell, he could actually feel it, standing here in the warmth of her gaze. He couldn't deny it any longer, and there was no longer any need to. _Mine. She's mine._ The sheer force of the answering emotion that swept through him nearly brought him to his knees. He closed his eyes against it with a soft groan, right before he brought his mouth crashing down on hers.

He swallowed her startled cry and, careful not to pierce her with his fangs, began kissing her in earnest. It was nothing like the kiss he had given her the day before. This kiss was pure possession. He wanted to taste her, to draw her into himself, and keep her safely there where he could examine this feeling that was burgeoning inside him. He wanted...needed to convey to her the absolute gratitude he felt, along with his lingering fear that this was just too good to be true. That something horrible would happen because they dared to do this. However, her taste and scent were filling his senses, and soon the feel of her sweet mouth moving under his, _responding_ to him, drove the fear from his mind. He gentled his movements against her. He had dreamed of this for so long, it seemed. He wanted to savor the sensation. This was Kagome, and she was _his_.

He nipped lightly at her lower lip, and she opened her mouth to him. He heard her whimper at the first glide of his tongue against hers, and he repeated the motion, repressing a shiver when she responded enthusiastically, twining her own tongue about his. Soon he was acting purely out of instinct. Her taste was becoming intoxicating to him, and this, combined with the scent of her rising arousal, prompted him to chase after her flavor with abandon. He explored the heated recesses of her mouth with lips and tongue, and she pressed against him, rising on her tiptoes to meet him fully. Her hands were clutching convulsively at the front of his haori, and she seemed nearly mindless in her desire to get closer to him. He slid a hand to the small of her back to steady her, and slanted his mouth across hers over and over again, ears attuned to every breathless whimper that she emitted. He prayed that no one would be stupid enough to interrupt them. He didn't know if he would stop if they did. _And if I did stop, I just might kill them. _He drew her more tightly to him. _My gods...Kagome._

Finally, needing air, he pulled his mouth from hers, possessive satisfaction filling him at the sight of her lips, moist and swollen. He raised his eyes to hers and smirked weakly. She looked as dazed as he felt, and, better yet, she was panting lightly, her palms still pressed against his chest as she stared at his mouth with passion glazed eyes. His smirk grew wider. _Heh. I did that._

After a moment, she seemed to snap out of the spell she was under. Her eyes climbed slowly to his. "Inuyasha?" Her voice was tremulous. "Why..."

Inuyasha's expression grew more tender, and he remembered Mrs. Higurashi's parting shot. _She's unsure of me._ He lifted his free hand to her face, brushing his thumb over her lips, narrowing his eyes in fascination when they parted slightly. He wanted to claim those lips again, but she needed to be reassured first, he could see. He caressed her mouth with his fingertips once more before turning his hand to run the backs of his knuckles along her jawline. He saw her relax slightly, and her eyes began to clear as she focused on him. "Kagome," he said, nearly in awe. The air around them fairly crackled with something unnamable. It made the hanyou feel as if he might shatter if he did not try and tell her how he felt. "Kagome," he said again, needing her to answer him, to let him know that she was listening to him. Really listening.

"Yes, Inuyasha?" She sounded breathless.

He bowed his head back down to hers, sliding the hand on her back to the nape of her neck. His lips did not quite touch hers, simply hovered before them, close enough to feel every little puff of her breath on his face. He gathered his courage, finding it in the warmth of her eyes and the speed of her heartbeat thrumming in his ears. "Can I," he began softly, hoping that she would understand what he was trying to tell her. "I want to belong to you, too."

She blinked at him.

He stared at her through his lashes, but she just looked confused. He sighed, and reached inside the front of his haori, drawing out the small box that her mother had given to him. He thrust it at her. "Here."

She looked at the box, then back up at him. He noticed that her hand trembled as she held it. "Is this...is this something else you got from Sesshoumaru?" She asked, voice hesitant.

He shook his head. "I'll explain in a minute," he said with a rueful half-smile. "Open it."

Still, she hesitated for a moment, and Inuyasha got the feeling that she was fearful, but before he could take it back and open it for her, she was prying the lid from the top of the little box. Inuyasha watched her face carefully.

She gasped softly, then lifted stunned eyes to his. Inuyasha fidgeted for a moment while she remained silent, and then she was closing the last bit of distance between them, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her mouth to his. He smiled into the kiss, a relief he wasn't expecting filling him, and hugged her tightly to him. It was a chaste, albeit enthusiastic, kiss, and after just a moment, she pulled back and gave him a shy smile.

He gave her a toothy grin in return. "I guess I can take that as a yes, right?"

* * *

_-to be continued-_


	17. Chapter Seventeen

In the previous chapter...

_He stared at her through his lashes, but she just looked confused. He sighed, and reached inside the front of his haori, drawing out the small box that her mother had given to him. He thrust it at her. "Here."_

_She looked at the box, then back up at him. He noticed that her hand trembled as she held it. "Is this...is this something else you got from Sesshoumaru?" She asked, voice hesitant._

_He shook his head. "I'll explain in a minute," he said with a rueful half-smile. "Open it."_

_Still, she hesitated for a moment, and Inuyasha got the feeling that she was fearful, but before he could take it back and open it for her, she was prying the lid from the top of the little box. Inuyasha watched her face carefully._

_She gasped softly, then lifted stunned eyes to his. Inuyasha fidgeted for a moment while she remained silent, and then she was closing the last bit of distance between them, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her mouth to his. He smiled into the kiss, a relief he wasn't expecting filling him, and hugged her tightly to him. It was a chaste, albeit enthusiastic, kiss, and after just a moment, she pulled back and gave him a shy smile._

_He gave her a toothy grin in return. "I guess I can take that as a yes, right?"_

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

* * *

Inuyasha tried his best not to fidget as Miroku's chanted prayer droned on and on. The purifying smoke from the incense in the monk's swaying censer burned the inuhanyou's sensitive nose and made his eyes water. He wanted this ceremony over with. The only thing that kept him quietly on his knees was the similarly kneeling girl at his side. She had been so joyful when he had presented her with her parent's ceremonial wedding sake cups. He stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. She was solemn now, having retreated back into her recent shy behavior almost immediately. Inuyasha suppressed a sigh.

Thankfully, he wasn't given time to brood. The monk's prayer had ended, and Kagome was being presented with the first of the three sake cups. She took the first sip, a delicate pink staining her cheeks, and then the second and third sip before raising her eyes to Inuyasha and handing him the cup. He carefully turned the cup so that he could place his lips where hers had been and took three slow sips, eyes never leaving hers. Kaede handed Kagome the second cup, and then the third, with both the miko and the hanyou repeating the process each time. Finally, there were no more cups and, after a final blessing from Kaede, the couple got to their feet, taking the few steps needed to reach the base of the Goshinboku tree before laying down the pieces of blessed tree that they both had been holding. When they were done, they turned to face their friends. Miroku was smiling at the both of them, Sango looked teary-eyed, Shippou looked bored, and Kaede looked pleased for them.

Inuyasha just felt impatient. "So...um...we're married now?"

Kagome huffed at him, and Miroku snickered. "Yes, young hanyou. You are married now." Kaede answered him, although her smile had grown amused.

Inuyasha spared a glare for Miroku. "Good," he replied simply, turning to scoop up a surprised Kagome and swing her onto his back. "We'll be back in three days." Ignoring Kagome's protests and Miroku's full-blown laughter, he leapt into the trees, setting a pace that only Kilarra could have hoped to follow. Kagome immediately quieted down and tightened her hold around him.

After a few moments of traveling in such a manner, she broke the silence. "We didn't have to leave so quickly, Inuyasha," she said, a note of reproach in her voice.

"I don't want them following us," he replied gruffly. "Besides, we don't really have time to screw around with them, now do we?" She stiffened at his words, and he regretted them almost immediately. His fingers tightened on her thighs, trying to convey his apology. She didn't relax, and he was glad when the cave came into view. Coming to a halt in front of it, he set Kagome down in front of him, at a loss to what to say now as the awkwardness settled over them both.

Again, Kagome was the first to speak. "Why are we stopping?"

Inuyasha had busily started sniffing around for any intruders since he had been there this morning. Satisfied that they were alone, he turned to answer her. "Because we're here."

Kagome arched an eyebrow. "Here?" She looked around her, only just spying the mouth of the den. "A cave?"

Inuyasha tensed at her words, but they held no censure. She simply sounded curious.

"Um...yeah," he replied, fidgeting nervously. "It's safe here. It's hard to find, harder to get to, and, so far, no one knows about it but me and Myouga. And now you."

She looked up at him, a question in her eyes.

In turn, he let his gaze fall to the ground. "It's where I used to hide," he said, voice low. "When I was a pup."

Her expression softened noticeably, and she moved closer to him, placing her hand on his arm. "Thank you, Inuyasha, for sharing it with me."

"Keh," was his only reply, but he hid a pleased blush from her.

She cleared her throat lightly. 'So...um...what do we...do we just...are you..." she trailed off, then made a small sound of frustration. "What now?"

Inuyasha's face burned. "You'll find out. There are ceremonial...requirements."

"Requirements?"

He nodded. "Yes," he began, and then continued on as if he were reciting a lesson. "When inuyoukai take a mate, they must prove that they can care for their chosen female. This is done first by providing them with a den." He gestured nervously toward the cave. "I'm sorry that I couldn't do better than a cave, Kagome, but this is the best I could think of in such little time."

Kagome smiled at him. "It's okay, Inuyasha. This is perfect."

He ignored her interruption, not really believing her, and continued. "Next, I have to feed you, and a few other things before we actually...mate."

Kagome's eyes were wide, and he could see her nervousness grow.

Inuyasha turned his gaze to her, eyes hard, but wanting her to understand. "Don't freak out on me now. We have to do this." He was as nervous as she was, but they both had to become used to being intimate with each other. The sooner that they did that, the more comfortable they both would be.

"I...I know," she said, voice small. She sounded as if she might cry. He was close to her in an instant, pulling her into a hug.

"It's okay, Kagome. I promised I wouldn't hurt you, and I meant it. Please don't be afraid."

"I'm not."

Inuyasha gave a great sigh. "Don't be nervous, either." He smoothed his hands down her back, trying to calm her. She was as stiff as a tree limb. "I'll try to make it good. Do you trust me?"

She nodded against his chest.

"Good. Let's get you inside. I still have to go catch dinner."

* * *

Inuyasha looked down at his catch with a worried frown. Three medium sized fish, and a couple of handfuls of berries, wrapped in leaves. _It will have to be enough._ The lateness of the day insured that the fish weren't as active as he'd wanted, and the season had given him a sparse selection of berries. Still, though, it was more than enough for Kagome herself, and that was all he really cared about at the moment. He gave a resigned shrug, and entered the cave, eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dimmer light.

His sensitive nose located Kagome before he saw her. She was near the cave wall, sitting with legs folded on the sleeping bags. Her hands were clenched in front of her, and she had yet to look up at his entrance. Inuyasha cursed to himself as he realized that she had used his absence to work herself into a state of greater anxiety than before.

"Kagome," he called softly, not knowing why he felt the need to speak in soft tones, but obeying the instinct nonetheless.

She lifted her head, and he was dismayed to see the worry on her face. He knew he had to get her to relax. He couldn't do this if it felt like he was forcing her, even to save her life. She had to accept him. _Kagome's mom said that...loving Kagome...will make her happy. I have to let her know that I...that I care for her. _Inuyasha cringed. _Why can't I even say it in my head? If I try to tell her, I'll fuck it up. _He sighed again, setting their dinner down near the entrance, where he had the beginnings of a small fire. He then turned and approached her slowly, lowering to his knees when he reached her. _I can at least show her that I care for her. _She had dropped her gaze again, and he reached out to gently lift her face. "Kagome," he repeated. He waited until her eyes were on his again, and then he did something uncharacteristic. He smiled at her in reassurance, caressing her cheek. She smiled back automatically, and he could see her relax, just a bit. _So far so good. Maybe Mrs. Higurashi was right._ He decided to try some more of her advice. He began to reach toward Kagome's hair with his free hand. "Can I?"

Kagome's look turned confused. Inuyasha gestured toward her hair again. "Your hair. Can I take it down?" He saw the worry come back into her eyes, and hastened to explain. "It's...pretty," he began, having trouble with the compliment, even though he _did_ think she was more than pretty, "but you would be more comfortable with it down, wouldn't you?"

After a silent moment, Kagome gave a nod and turned slightly, allowing him access to her hair. He reached for the comb holding her dark hair in place cautiously, still uncomfortable and growing more so with her continued silence. He wanted her, but he wanted her to be the laughing, smiling girl from the future that she usually was. "Kagome," he whispered, almost without meaning to. He slid the comb from its place and sifted his fingers through her hair, helping it fall smoothly down her back. "Will you talk to me?"

Kagome started, but she did risk a shy glance at him before looking away again. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha." She fidgeted for a moment. "I don't know what to talk about."

Inuyasha swallowed hard, then reached to take her hand. _I hate seeing her so uncertain. Does she really not know how I feel? I've tried to show her so many times. "_How about you start by telling me what you're thinking so hard about." It was a stall tactic and he knew it, but he was traveling uncharted roads here, and he didn't like the doubt he was feeling. _What if her mom was wrong? What if Kagome is unhappy to be with me?_ He almost pulled away from her at the thought, but she forestalled him by speaking.

"Do you really want to know, Inuyasha?" She was staring at their joined hands.

_Kagome..._ He gripped her hand a little tighter. "Tell me."

Her eyes met his then, and the expression in them made him think she was asking him for something, but he didn't know what. Nonetheless, whatever it was caused instinct to urge him to bring her closer. He hauled her into his lap, looping his arms around her. "Tell me," he repeated, nuzzling into her hair.

He felt her relax into him, and he nearly purred in approval before he could stop himself. His instinctive responses to her were becoming stronger, and he took a deep breath to rein them in. Kagome needed this. _Admit it. I need this, too._ He flushed, but was happy to feel his youki recede. Finally, when he was nearly ready to repeat his request, Kagome spoke in a voice so low that without his youkai hearing he would have missed it.

"I'm terrified."

Inuyasha tightened his arms around her, encouraging her to continue even though he was half afraid of where this would lead. Kagome complied. "I don't know how this works, or what I'm supposed to do, and it's making me a nervous wreck. I'm afraid I'll disappoint you. I'm afraid I'll see regret in your eyes. Or worse, pity." Her voice had risen a bit, and her tone had Inuyasha believing her statement about being a nervous wreck. He began to rub small circles on her back to soothe her. "I'm afraid I've ruined our friendship, Inuyasha," she finished, voice quiet again.

_She really _doesn't _know how I feel, does she?_ He leaned back slightly so he could see her face. "I knew you were thinking too much."

The girl's eyes nearly crossed. "What?"

He smirked lightly at her. "I'll show you how it works, you'll know what to do, you'll never disappoint me, and," he said, smirk fading into a tender smile, "I will never regret being with you. I never want to _not_ be with you, Kagome. I don't pity you." He hesitated for a moment, searching her eyes. "I want to protect you. You will always be my best friend. But most of all, I need you by my side." He buried his face in her hair, hiding himself from her, but he continued on. "I don't want to live without you, Kagome. Please." _Please understand what I am trying to tell you. _He lifted his head from her hair, instincts flaring in reaction to his own anticipation of her response.

He heard Kagome's intake of breath, saw her lips part to speak. "Inuyasha..."

His youki surged, prompting a new attempt to convince her. He took her mouth before she could finish, pouring his desperation and his fear into the act, as well as tenderness, desire, and all the other emotions that were suddenly threatening to overwhelm his senses. He broke the kiss just as abruptly as he had started it, appalled at his own behavior.

"Inuyasha," Kagome began again, surprising him into speechlessness when she cupped his cheek with her small hand, a look of wonder in her eyes. "You're afraid too, aren't you?"

Inuyasha's first thought was to 'keh' and change the subject, but he stopped himself. They were to be mates--had already started the process if his rising youki were any indication, not to mention the fact that they were already joined by human standards--and he had to learn to be honest with her. So instead, he nodded, hating being so vulnerable in front of her. He craved her admiration, not her pity.

The feeling lessened when she slipped her arms around him this time. _Heh. At least she isn't acting like frightened prey anymore. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing._ Which is why he didn't scoff at her next question.

"What are you afraid of, Inuyasha?"

He pulled her arms from around his neck and set her on the sleeping bag beside him. She gazed up at him, still waiting for his answer. He gathered his courage and met her eyes. "I'm afraid I'll lose you, that I won't be able to protect you. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for you, and that you'll realize it when you find out how people will treat you for being with me. I'm afraid that Naraku, or some other bastard, will see that you are my weakness, and you'll be hurt because of it." Speaking the thought aloud nearly made the hanyou's eyes bleed red, and a low growl had entered his voice. He blinked and drew a calming breath before finishing speaking, voice quieter. "I'm afraid that one day, you'll come to your senses and realize that I'm just a hanyou, and you'll start to hate me. You'll realize how selfish I've been, because, gods help me, I've known that you deserved better since the first day I met you, but I still can't help wanting you. I...damn it...I can't say the words...I don't know why...but you know, you have to know, how I feel. Kagome..."

Finally, an expression of blessed comprehension crossed her features. "Inuyasha," she began, "are you saying...that you love me?" Her face went red, but she held his gaze with desperate determination.

Inuyasha felt his own face heat up in an answering blush. "More than anything." He steeled himself for her possible rejection, even though his fluctuating youki seemed to be calling him a fool for doubting her. It seemed that his youki was right, for the next thing he knew, she was flinging herself back into his arms, nearly knocking him over. He righted them both, looking down at her in bemusement. _Does this mean she likes the idea?_

"Really?" She asked.

He nodded. "Really."

She searched his eyes for a moment and seemed to find what she was looking for, because the most beautiful smile he had ever seen her wear lit up her features. "Good," she whispered, snuggling into him, "Because I love you, too." _So I guess she _does _like the idea. _In that instant, Inuyasha was fiercely glad that this girl was going to belong to him. Before he knew it, he was kissing her again, and this time she was kissing him back as if she couldn't get enough of him. Her taste and scent wrapped around him like a caress, and his youki crackled and thrummed like a coming electrical storm. Things were quickly spiraling out of hand, and he regretfully left her sweet, smiling mouth behind, tucking his trembling hands behind his back so as not to frighten her with his lack of control. _I want her so badly, but I can't fuck this up. Gods, don't let me fuck this up. _The traditions had to be carried out carefully, and in order. Kagome wasn't even wearing the cuffs to subdue her purifying energy. If she hadn't already been wearing the necklace Kaede had made, he could have just hurt her if his youki had caused her aura to respond. The realization brought his thoughts into sharp focus, and he once again set her from him.

"I have to do this right, Kagome. I need to cook the fish now, okay?"

She nodded, but she was still wearing her sweet smile. Inuyasha turned away to prepare their dinner, feeling as if a portion of a great weight had been lifted from him. He hadn't failed yet. Kagome was happy.

_I can do this._

_Kagome. I'm keeping you forever._

* * *

Kagome was sure that even floating on a cloud could not have made her more giddy. Inuyasha was being tender and open toward her, and he loved her. He really loved her. He might not have said the exact words, but the fact that he had admitted it was enough for her. It was enough, at least, to drown out the niggling fear that this was too good to be true.

Instead, she occupied herself thinking about the way he had kissed her--_Gods!_--and watching him build a quick fire to roast the fish over. _He's so beautiful, and he's mine. He loves me. I don't know how it happened, but I think he really, really does._

_Inuyasha loves me._

_Please let this work out._

* * *

When the fish were done, Inuyasha carefully loaded them onto the leaves with the berries and carried them to Kagome. Again kneeling in front of her, he set them down between them.

"I'm not really very hungry, Inuyasha," she said.

He shook his head at her. "You have to eat." He carefully pulled off a tender bit of fish and offered it to her from his fingers. She looked at him in surprise, but took it from him, wearing a light blush. His youki gave another leap as her lips closed over the tips of his fingers, drawing the flaky morsel of flesh from him, and he breathed sharply through his nose to clear away the rush of need that had hit him at the simple action. The sound drew Kagome's attention.

"Is something wrong, Inuyasha?"

The hanyou met her eyes and watched her shiver in reaction. He decided that blunt honesty was called for now. _I can't shield her from this anymore. I don't even want to._ He discarded his pride long enough to direct her attention to his trembling hands. "I want you," he said, voice lowered to a hoarse pitch. "The ritual, it's already started, and my youki wants to mate with you. _I_ want to mate with you. Badly. But I have to do this right."

"What, exactly, do we have to do?" Kagome's face was scarlet now, but the hanyou had caught the scent of her arousal when he had told her that he wanted her. _Gods, she wants me, too._ His mind couldn't wrap around this knowledge, so he focused on breathing in her scent. It was so sweet to him, so _Kagome_, he nearly lost his head. However, he could also sense her miko youki trying to fight past the barrier of the subduing necklace. He cursed silently to himself for forgetting, deciding to talk to her in an attempt to calm the both of them down.

He fed her another bit of fish, struggling to ignore the warm wash of her breath over his hand. "We're already doing the first part. Inu youkai show their willingness to provide for their mate by feeding them." He offered her a juicy berry this time, closing his eyes as she bit into it, dark red staining her lower lip from the juices. He frantically ignored his sudden craving for berries, and the desire to taste them from her reddened mouth. _Not now, dumbass. Focus._ He clenched his free hand into a fist and continued on, voice sounding slightly strangled. "You show your willingness to submit to my care by accepting it from my hand." He opened his eyes and held up another berry, giving a visible shudder as she sucked it from his fingers. _I'm going to have to get those cuffs on her, and soon._ Unfortunately for him, Kagome saw his shudder, and a mischievous look came into her eyes. Reaching out, she grasped his hand and _licked_ it, seemingly mirroring his earlier thought, suckling a drop of berry juice from him. His youki came roaring to life, as did another part of him. He fought to maintain control. _Not just soon. I'm going to have to get them on her _now.

"We've already done that. What comes next, Inuyasha?" Her voice was low-pitched, almost sultry, and the scent of her arousal was even stronger than before. Inuyasha felt as if he were drowning in it, and it was a death he wanted to welcome. _Not. Now. _Feeling dazed, he locked his eyes onto her upturned face. "You," he began, voice cracking embarrassingly. He cleared his throat. "You aren't hungry?"

Kagome seemed to consider her reply carefully. When she looked up at him with a smirk similar to the one he so often wore, he knew he was in trouble. "Hungry? Not for food." She scooted a little closer to him, laying her diminutive hand on his fire-rat covered thigh. "What's next, Inuyasha," she repeated, voice fairly a purr.

_That wench! She...She's coming on to me! _Inuyasha desperately sucked much needed oxygen into his body, then surged to his feet, pulling her with him, fighting all the while the urge that told him to mate with her, right _now_. He repeatedly told himself to calm down. _I have to go slow. I'm not going to screw this up._

He tugged her toward the hot spring, and his words came out sounding harsher than he intended. "We bathe."

Kagome tugged back at him, her flirtatious mood apparently gone. "Wait."

He turned to look at her, worried that his abruptness had made her nervous again. "Why?"

Kagome cast a look around, and he saw her shiver. "It's dark in here."

Inuyasha stopped himself from rolling his eyes, trying hard to be patient when he felt anything but. "So?"

"So I don't want to get into water I can't see." Kagome was beginning to sound agitated now.

_Great. Already you're pissing her off._ "Wait here," he murmured, hoping to placate her. He grabbed the candles Mrs. Higurashi had packed and lit them in a semicircle around the spring before turning back to her. He wouldn't admit it to her, but the candles were a good idea. He liked being able to see her better, and the soft light made her skin nearly glow. He had to give himself a small shake to keep from staring at her like an idiot.

"Is that better?"

Her gaze had softened again. "Yes, Inuyasha. Thank you."

"Keh. C'mon." He grabbed her hand and led her closer to the flickering light near the spring. _Gods. Here we go. I can't believe I'm about to do this. _He lifted his hands to her shoulders and looked down into her eyes. "Ready?"

Kagome's look turned solemn, and she nodded at him. He took a deep breath and let his hands drop to her hips, searching for and finding the ties that held Sango's simple skirt around her hips. He marvelled for a moment at how slender she felt between his palms. _She's so damned small._ He felt a flash of worry, but pushed it aside as he finally worked the knots in the ties free. He pulled the fabric from her waist and let it fall to the cave floor, leaving her in her yukata. He slid his hands around to her front, parting the cloth while never taking his eyes from hers. Only when he slid the cloth from her shoulders did he dare look down. When he did, he trembled. _Oh. Fucking. Gods. _There stood his Kagome wearing nothing but a full body blush, shivering and giving him a look of nervous excitement. Again, his youki thrummed to life with such force that even Kagome felt it, if her startled glance were any indication.

"Inuyasha, your stripes," she said, sounding surprised, but not afraid.

He lifted a clawed hand as if he could actually feel the demon marks before letting it drop to his side. "I can't help it. My youki wants you. It calls to my demon blood." He watched the pulse flutter at the juncture of her shoulder and neck. "I won't hurt you."

"I know," she whispered, giving him a shy smile.

She was fidgeting nervously, and he realized that she was uncomfortable standing before him naked. He could get her into the water so she'd be more at ease, but he had to get her to put on the cuffs and collar first. He didn't trust himself to enter the spring with her without them. Still, he didn't want her tensing up again. _Idiot. Say something._ Kagome drew a deep breath at that moment, unconsciously raising her firm little breasts, nipples hardened from the chill of the cave and goose bumps pulling the pale skin taut. Inuyasha's eyes were pulled unerringly to them. He may have been hanyou, but he was still a _man._ His brain stopped working just as he started to speak. "You're beautiful like this, you know." _You really are an idiot. Now she's going to think you're a freaking pervert. _

He was lucky, however, for she merely folded her arms over her breasts and lowered her gaze in embarrassment, but not before he saw her pleased smile. He filed away the knowledge that Kagome liked compliments from her mate, determining that it would come in handy later. For now, however, he needed to get back to the task at hand. He retrieved the box he had gotten from his half-brother and opened it, momentarily mesmerized by the gleaming bands. He half expected to be awakened at any moment. None of this felt entirely real. _But it is. Kagome is about to be my mate._ He shook himself lightly, facing the miko once more. She was still waiting for him patiently, an unreadable expression on her face.

Hoping she wasn't having second thoughts, the hanyou approached her carefully, hearing his heart pounding in his ears, scenting the air as he did so. He nearly whimpered in relief. She didn't smell like she was having second thoughts. She smelled nervous, yes, but her underlying scent was still excitement. Inuyasha felt his spirits rise as he realized once again that she wanted this, too, and his hesitant stride unconsciously became a near predatory stalk.

Kagome held very still as he came to her, although he could still see the fine tremors running through her. He gave her a small smile, then drew the ankle cuffs from the box, kneeling to place them on her. Unable to resist, he smoothed the flesh of her calves with his hands and pressed a soft kiss to her bare thigh, determinedly ignoring the more intimate areas of her body. While her nervous excitement made his pulse race, he didn't want to frighten her by rushing her. He could not, however, stop himself from inhaling visibly, reveling in the scent of her arousal from so close. Kagome gasped and blushed wildly at his actions. He chuckled softly at her response, and stood to retrieve the two matching cuffs for her wrists. He took her hands and pressed a kiss into each palm, then fastened these on as well, still acutely aware of her softness just inches away from him, and the scent of her spiking wildly whenever he touched her. He could feel himself grow more confident, and more focused, as each golden band was locked in place. Kagome's docile submission to his care was awakening age-old instincts that he hadn't been aware he had, and he nearly growled in approval as he finished with the last clasp. Finally, he was standing before her holding the collar. "Lift your hair."

She did as he asked, and he slid his hands around her slender neck, latching the narrow band into place. Kagome let her hair fall back around her shoulders and waited. He didn't remove his hands, just slid them until they lightly caressed her throat, palms resting just above her collarbone. _Almost mine now. _He used his grip to gently tilt her head back, pressing his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. He held her that way for a short while, breathing in her breath and returning it to her with his own. She did not push him away; rather she leaned into him, twisting her fingers into the edges of his haori. Finally, when he felt his youki begin to respond, he stepped back from her. He clenched his jaw, bracing himself before beginning to lift the subduing necklace over her head. _This damned collar had better work._ He pulled the necklace off of her completely, and had just thrown it down when Kagome's youki crashed into his. The initial impact drove him to his knees, leaving him panting as the sensation leveled out into something he could handle. For a split second, he could smell Kagome's arousal, hear her heart racing, and feel her love for him, but with an intensity a thousand times greater than anything he had ever experienced. It had left him trembling. He became aware of Kagome kneeling before him, calling his name in worry.

"I'm alright," he answered, opening his eyes. He didn't remember when he had squeezed them shut in the first place. His gaze settled on Kagome, and this time when his youki pulsed at the sight of her--bare, flushed, and inches away from him--he could feel an answering pulse from her miko youki in return. He studied her carefully, but her expression didn't show any sign of pain. Confusion, desire, and a smidgeon of embarrassment, but no actual discomfort. "Nothing hurts?"

Kagome gave him a dazed look, and shook her head. "No. Why?"

_She isn't in pain. I can't detect any purifying energy from her. _Inuyasha gave her a toothy grin. "It works." He gestured toward the collar.

She blinked at him. "Oh."

Inuyasha found the look on her face adorable. Unable to help himself, he kissed her again, quickly lest they never get this done, and helped her to her feet. She smiled up at him, but he saw her shivering and trying to cover herself. _She's embarrassed because you're staring at her, dolt. _He frowned, then turned her and pushed her gently toward the water, trying not to stare at her shapely backside. "You're cold. Get in before you get sick."

Kagome gratefully sank into the warm water, but turned a questioning look on him once she had gotten settled. "Aren't you coming, too?"

"Yeah. I've just got to get something from the pack first. Wait there."

Inuyasha hurried to the pack, pulling out Kagome's favorite shampoo and soap, pausing to place tetsusaiga near the cave entrance, forming a protective barrier. His nervousness had increased, but so had his anticipation. They were almost there. There was only this last step remaining, and then he made Kagome his mate.

Inuyasha blinked, reality hitting him suddenly. _Mate._

He blinked again.

_Kagome will be with me forever._

He gave an internal grimace at the stupid smile he could not help wearing, but it didn't stop him from hurrying to return to the girl waiting for him in the water.

* * *

_to be continued..._


End file.
